Very amusing, not quite sure if thats in an “entertaining” or a “oh my god I want to shoot myself” way, but worth a view.

Hat Tip: Linda.

There are some people who through great deeds have shaped the world around them, men whose actions, ideals, and words have inspired revolution and freedom. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when I imagine Patrick Henry angrily demanding of a divided America, “Give me liberty or give me death!”, or of those young GIs in a bitter European winter struggling against the elements and the brutal Nazi counter-offensive.

But in this modern day, where geeks rule supreme, and the new battlefield is fought in e-mail folders and comments sections, against the dreaded enemy: spammers, there is a new hero — but not a hacker fighting for good, not a computer super-genius rooting out ad-ware, not a viligante putting some .45 rounds into the assholes who write those programs. No, none of those.

This hero’s name is Jeff Tweiten. Some may call him a loser — and they may be right — but anyone who is willing to brave the elements for SIX MONTHS in line outside a theater to watch Star Wars The Revenge of The Sith is not, in my book, a loser. Insane? Oh, without a doubt.

Jeff, I hope you get the best seat in the house, with no whiny kids around you, no bitch with a beehive in front of you, and a projectionist who hasn’t spliced kiddy porn into the film. You are, without a doubt, one of a kind.

Not quite sure what “kind” that is, but, whatever.

I walked into work today and was already in a good mood: Ackbar’s car wasn’t in the parking lot. He was “let go” yesterday. See, when we’re hired, Gary gives us a pep talk, goes something like this: “We have a trial run period of employment, it’s important that everyone work well here, and if it the fit isn’t right, it’s just best that we end things on a good note.”

Yesterday, while I was off, Ackbar was the all important “second driver.” And it was a busy lunch, and he spent over an hour taking three deliveries into the industrial park to three businesses within half a mile of each other. And that was pretty much the final straw as far as Gary was concerned. “I don’t get it,” Gary told me, “I’ve had people who have never worked delivery before come here and within a week they know the ins and outs of this job.” Ackbar had, previously, worked for Domino’s Pizza. Boy I bet they were glad to be rid of him.

I’d like to say I hated working with Ackbar, but that’s not really the truth. I made a lot of money when I worked with him, generally because in the time it took him to take a delivery, I could take three or four, and make a lot of money.

But I’m a greedy little bastard like that.

So after watching Shaun of the Dead, I was in a mood for zombie movies, so I rented the recent remake of Dawn of the Dead, with Ving Rhames. In a nutshell, zombies start popping up everywhere and a group of folk take refuge in a shopping mall, with a lot of gore along the way. It was actually a pretty decent survival movie, with just about everybody getting killed along the way.

Anyway, the other day I was over at my friend Chris’ place and we spoke briefly about what we’d do in case zombies started popping to life. “I’d head down to the mall,” Chris said. “I could live there for ever.”

Well, sure, except considering Towson Town Center has like fifty million entrances and isn’t as defendable as the mall in Dawn of the Dead.

I think I’d try to get into a grocery store somewhere, but I don’t know how secure the doors would actually be. Could they hold out against a bunch of zombies trying to get in? Also, at some point I’d have to detour to Dick’s or something and get a shotgun. That scene where Ving Rhames blows Andy’s head off? Brutal.

The best bet would probably be to do what the survivors did in Dawn of the Dead — fight your way to a marina, commandeer a boat, and look for a little slice of nowhere island.

He’s got that whole “Look, pal, this is MY place and you should be grateful I let you live here” look going.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to stop eating at work so much. To that end, I fairly stocked my ‘fridge — and I think A Fool’s Fate is jealous! Check it out:

All the basic food groups: milk, bread, velveeta and beer!

Oh, look — pickles!

On Deereco Road in Timonium there is a big gray concrete slab of a building which houses the local post office. It is probably the ugliest building in the world, and if not, at least ties with the Fila building up in Loveton. The Deereco Road building butts against I-83, and if you’ve ever driven past it, it has the Timonium zip code painted on it in real big letters: 21093, so you may remember seeing it.

There’s a delicious irony here. On the north end of the building is a small company named Continental Arms. As the name suggests, they sell firearms — rifles, shotguns, handguns, the whole kit and kaboodle. As a matter of fact, I bought my S&W .357 from there several years ago. In addition to selling firearms, they also have a shooting range.

Really, you’d think someone at the post office in charge of leasing space would have, at some point, made the observation, “Hey, uh, look, how convenient do we really want to make it to our employees to access firearms, eh?”

Hey – I’ll take the easy shots when I get them.