Sometimes I feel like more of an ass than other times.

Like last night - I delivered some pizzas, and the guy handed me a check. “My wife put a tip on there.” I said thank you, took the check, and walked away. I looked at the check when I got into my car. The order total was $31 and change, and the check was written for what looked to be $32 and change.

“Great, a lousy buck,” I mumbled, cursing them out all the way back to the store.

At the end of the night, when I checked out, I realized my error - see, I’d just looked at the box for the total, not looking where she’d written it out (seems she writes her sevens with a slight curve, and I just ‘imagined’ that bottom line that would’ve formed a 2).

Boy am I a moron - not a dollar tip, a six dollar tip!

I’m glad I didn’t run over the mailbox on my way out.

Ever contemplated what you would do in if the living dead attacked, and you wanted to read this book, but didn’t know how to read?

Now, you can just follow along with the pictures!!

Hat Tip: Zemi.net.

If you are somehow of the belief that colleges are left-wing breeding grounds, there’s a simple solution: don’t send your kids to college. Or send them to this college. Or, if you’re Catholic, Jewish, or black, try here.

From today’s USA Today:

The Ohio legislation is based on principles advocated by Students for Academic Freedom, a Washington, D.C.-based student network founded by conservative activist David Horowitz.

“It doesn’t matter a professor’s viewpoint,” Horowitz said in an interview. “They can be a good professor, liberal or conservative, provided they pursue an educational mission and not a political agenda.”

Y’know, a couple of months ago, conservative blogs were all abuzz about ‘academic freedom’ and theorizing about these huge leftist conspiracies inside colleges which stiffled the “few” conservative voices. The general retort from the left-side of the blogosphere was that liberals were willing to take low-paying jobs to educate, while conservatives who might otherwise teach were scared by the low-pay and went for higher-paying jobs. Sort of like Powerline, written by a conservative lawyer who is so well paid that he dismissed his income from the blog (estimated at over thirty-six thousand a year) as “chump change.”

So how is this any different? Oh, right, instead of just bitching and whining, now some conservatives see the answer in the government. Does anyone else remember a time - like five years ago - when conservatives would have viewed this as the act of an intrusive and unwanted legislature?

Oh, right, when the Republican Party continues to win victories in the election booth, they forget about the ‘values’ they’re ’supposed’ to stand for and just start doing whatever they want. Look at the budget! Hubris, you cometh beforeth the falleth.

Professors would have to include diverse opinions in classrooms under legislation being pushed in Ohio and several other states by conservatives who fear too many professors indoctrinate young minds with liberal propaganda. Such measures have had little success getting approval in the other states.

The proposal in Ohio to create an academic “bill of rights” would prohibit public and private college professors from presenting opinions as fact or penalizing students for expressing their views. Professors would not be allowed to introduce controversial material unrelated to the course.

Professors dismissed the bill as unnecessary and questioned whether its supporters had ulterior motives, such as wanting more conservative professors.

“We see nothing but mischief if we invite people from outside of the university to somehow start monitoring what goes on inside the classroom,” said David Patton, an AAUP member and professor emeritus of Ohio State University.

Sen. Teresa Fedor, a Democrat from Toledo, agrees: “Can we say 21st century witch hunt and book burning?”

Indeed. Look, I bounced through college for like seven years, and I had a whole slew of professors — and one I thought was a flaming liberal actually voted for Bush, so oops me — and I’ve never known one to back away from an in-class debate. Sure, some of them are intimidating - they’ve got doctorates in English Literature (and this Victorian stuff is boooring), and, oh yeah, if the Profs aren’t allowed to give opinions, would the students be allowed to? Wouldn’t that pretty much just end all debate together? It would make taking a lit class pretty boring, too, especially where a great deal of the class is spent analyzing and offering opinions on the subject matter.

[Sen. Larry Mumper] said he is concerned universities are not teaching the values held by taxpaying parents and students.

Mumper questioned why lawmakers should approve funding for universities with “professors who would send some students out in the world to vote against the very public policy that their parents have elected us for.”

He apparently believes that all students should believe and vote in agreement with their parents - oh and see? He ties it in with money (that’s what this is about, by the way, he wants campaign donations for standing up to the evil liberals). What a stupid idea - what if your parents are wrong? What if you don’t hold the same beliefs? Next he’ll be trying to pass a law that says “If your parents voted for this person, and paid for your college education, you have to vote for that person too.” Christ, someone smack that moron - not for being a moron, mind you, but for trying to add a little extra “big brother” to government. Because, of course, these asshat polis won’t be happy until “1984″ is taken out of the science-fiction category and put into the “science fact” one.

Did you click that link above for other conservative colleges? Here it is again. I took this bit off their website:

The 2004-2005 “Top Ten Conservative College” list features ten institutions that proclaim, through their mission and programs, a dedication to discovering, maintaining and strengthening the conservative values of their students. The listed colleges offer an alternative to the liberal status quo, because they allow and encourage conservative students to explore conservative ideas and authors. Most offer coursework and scholarship in conservative thought and emphasize principles of smaller government, strong national defense, free enterprise, and traditional values. Many have a religious affiliation, but some do not.

Wow. Notice where it says “…and emphasize principles of smaller government…”? How much do you want to bet they support these bills, which are pretty clearly not in keeping with the ‘tradional value’ of the conservative notion of ’smaller government’?