Just in case you were wondering, no, it really isn’t safe to go back in the water.

So my original plan to pay my taxes was to write the State of Maryland a check, and to use an IRS Form 9465 to create an installment plan. Viewing that form online, however, changes that plan - the IRS charges nearly a $50 fee to set up the installment, and that atop interest charges. Well, fuck that, then, I think we’re either going to try to scrape up an extra four hundred bucks by April 1st (my self appointed deadline to get all the bills I’ve got out), or I’ll suck up my gut and charge it to Discover. That sucks, because I’ll be hit with a 2.5% processing fee - but then, that’s only $10, and $10 is less than near $50.

I bought copies of my credit report and credit score last night from Equifax. Enlightening, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say a little bit dissapointing.

What’s really hurting me is, as I suspected, is my “revolving” credit, or credit card balances. There’s a cool feature on the credit report where it explains the factors that hurt you, and those that help you. So, let’s just take a look at ‘em:

Those Which Hurt Me:

Evidence of being seriously late or having derogatory indicators/remarks on your credit obligations is being reported on your credit file

You have evidence of seriously delinquent behavior (60 days past due or greater). Approximately 27% of U.S. population have evidence of serious delinquency information being reported on their credit file.

The score evaluates when your credit bureau report shows one or more serious delinquencies (missed payments) on your credit accounts. Studies reveal that consumers with previous late payments are much more likely to pay late in the future.

There is no “quick fix” to improve the score if the serious delinquency indicated on your credit bureau report is valid. However, as these items age and fall off the credit bureau report (most late payments stay on your report for no more than seven years), their impact on the score will gradually decrease

I’ve got a double-whammy on this. The first was from my Capital One card (now paid off, yay me), which two months in a row — two years ago — I made extraordinarily late payments on. The second was from AmericanExpress. What can I say, I needed to make expensive repairs to my Jeep, and that was the only funding source I had available to me at the time. Okay, okay, they like to be paid off when they send the bill — I think I finally settled that bill eight months later (now a year and a half ago).

The proportion of balances to credit limits (high credit) on your revolving/charge accounts is too high

The proportion of balances to credit limits (high credit) on your revolving/charge accounts is 42%. The average proportion of balances to credit limits (high credit) on revolving/charge accounts carried by U.S. consumers is around 34%. Click here to review your Accounts Summary.

Analysis of consumer credit behavior repeatedly finds that owing a substantial balance on revolving/charge accounts (Visa, MasterCard, Discover, American Express, Diners Club, department store cards, etc.) relative to the amount of revolving/charge credit available to you represents increased risk. In fact, the level of revolving debt is one of the most important factors in the FICO score. The score evaluates your total balances in relation to your total available credit on revolving/charge accounts, as well as on individual revolving/charge accounts. For a given amount of revolving credit available, a greater amount owed indicates a greater risk, and lowers the score. (For credit cards, the total outstanding balance on your last statement is generally the amount that will show in your credit bureau report. Bear in mind that even if you pay off your credit cards in full each and every month, your credit bureau report may show the last billing statement balance on those accounts.)

The more you owe on revolving/charge credit accounts - relative to the amount of credit available to you - the more your score may be affected. So doing your best to pay your revolving/charge account balances is a smart way to help increase your score. On the other hand, shifting balances among revolving/charge accounts, opening up new revolving/charge accounts, and closing down other revolving/charge accounts will not improve your score, and could possibly decrease your score.

Fair enough, and it tells me I should stop paying extra on my car until I’ve made a serious dent on the credit card debt. If only I’d listened to my parents … I wouldn’t have as much stuff!!!!

You have recently been seeking credit or other services, as reflected by the number of inquiries posted on your credit file in the last 12 months

You applied for credit 6 times in the last 12 months (remember, the FICO score incorporates logic that accommodates for mortgage and auto loan rate shopping). Research shows that U.S. consumers have, on average, applied for credit between just 1 and 2 times in the previous 12 months. Click here to review your Accounts Summary.

Research shows that consumers who are seeking new credit accounts are riskier than consumers who are not seeking credit. Inquiries are the only information lenders have that indicates a consumer is actively seeking credit or other services. There are different types of inquiries that reside on your credit bureau report. The score only considers those inquiries that were posted as a result of you applying for credit or other services. Other types of inquiries, such as promotional inquiries (where a lender has pre-approved you for a credit offer) or consumer disclosure inquiries (where you have requested a copy of your own report) are not considered by the score. The scores can identify “rate shopping” in the mortgage- and auto-lending environment, so that one credit search involving multiple inquiries is usually only counted as a single inquiry. Typically, the presence of inquiries on your credit file has only a small impact on FICO scores, carrying much less importance than late payments, the amount you owe, and the length of time you have used credit. This factor rarely appears as a primary or secondary factor except in high-scoring files. A common misperception is that every single inquiry will drop your score a certain number of points. This is not true. The impact of inquiries on your score will vary - depending on your overall credit profile. Inquiries will usually have a larger impact on the score for consumers with limited credit history and on consumers with previous late payments. The most prudent action to raise your score over time is by applying for credit only when you need it.

As time passes the age of your most recent inquiry will increase and your score will rise as a result, provided you do not apply for additional credit in the meantime. Our best recommendation - apply for credit only when you need it.

Well, I had to pay for this somehow.

And it isn’t entirely impossible that maybe, I may have, maybe, perhaps, checked to see if I could qualify for a loan to buy one of these, maybe, but I’ll deny it if asked, if I’d done it, which I didn’t, as long as you don’t ask me under oath, I plead the fifth, so bite me

That Which Helpeth Me:

You demonstrate a relatively long credit history

Your most established credit obligation is 184 months old and your newest credit account was opened 5 months ago. The majority of U.S. consumers have a relatively long credit history - with the average age of their most established credit account being 14 to 15 years. In addition, the average time since the most recent account opening is 20 months ago. Click here to review your Accounts Summary.

This factor is based on the age of the accounts on your credit bureau report (the age of the oldest account, the average age of accounts, or both). Research shows that consumers with longer credit histories have better repayment risk than those with shorter credit histories. Also, consumers who frequently open new accounts have greater repayment risk than those who don’t.

Avoiding a sudden ramp-up of new credit openings will help you to continue receiving positive points for this area of consideration by the FICO score.

Woot! Things are not all death and despair for me, then! I think I’ll revisit my credit report, and credit score (which I’m not going to mention), towards the end of the summer. It’ll be interesting to see how much I’ve improved, yes?

Because late is generally better than never, yet another Happy Hour photo.

L->R: LiveinLove, BaLtiMoRe RoLL, Jason J. Thomas, and the oft-mentioned in March Bloggers’ Happy Hour
writeups (”It’s like meeting famous people!“) but never before seen: Ben!

FYI:

1. BaLtiMoRe RoLL, in reality, does not have glowing red eyes (but I was intoxi-ma-cated, so … maybe she does?).

2. Of course, I took a photo the only time Ben wasn’t smiling.

3. Also, I think that’s the beer glass I stole.

That’s no iPod! It’s an f’in tribble!

HT: Boing Boing: HOWTO transform an iBook into a furBook

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of pulling into your driveway and blowing yourself to kingdom come, is there?

On the other hand, maybe you just take a mule to work, so when live munitions start showing up in the barn, I should let you know then?

“Foolish human, disturbing me while I cleanse myself! Now, I shall kill you with the lasers in my eyes!”