Alanis Morissette wrote a song titled “Ironic” which had a lot of lyrics that weren’t ironic. I’m sorry, but a black fly in your chardonnay is not ironic. Rain on your wedding day? Nope, not ironic. Traffic jam when you’re late? No, that’s just a shitty day getting worse.

Dying of a heart attack the day after you finish a 2,400 mile bicycle trip? Now that is ironic.

However, you should be aware that zombies are real — this is no joke, I say again, zombies are real — and it might be a good investment to buy a gun* and a can opener.

Hat Tip: ACW.

*If you live in England, I’d say get a cricket bat.

EDIT

Upon reading the comments on ACW’s blog, it turns out is was an April Fool’s prank. Dammit, I was looking forward to killin’ me some zombies.

First …

Norm Macdonald rises each morning with the sun, grabs his .223-caliber rifle and slips into the passenger seat of a tiny, doorless helicopter for another day of shooting pigs.

Didn’t Norm MacDonald used to be an actor?

Also …

Justice said he fears the show has put Pikeville in such an unfavorable light that industrial recruiters will find it more difficult to convince companies to move into the town.

“We’re a progressive town,” he said.

Sure, you’re just a progressive town with hillbillies and fat, shirtless people.

And lastly …

Progressive Conservative leader Stephen Harper speaks to the Fraser Institute in Calgary, Alta. on Friday, April 29, 2005. The dueling leaders of Canada’s Liberal and Conservative parties return to Ottawa on Monday after a feverish week of backroom deals and whistle-stop campaigning for an election that could be called any day. (AP Photo/Jeff McIntosh, CP)

What the fuck is a “progressive conservative?” Is it like a “religious athiest?”

The plea agreement, which came the day before England was scheduled to go to trial, lowers her maximum possible sentence from 16 1/2 years in prison to 11 years.

England, from Fort Ashby, W.Va., is one of seven members of the Maryland-based 372nd Military Police Company charged with humiliating and assaulting prisoners at Abu Ghraib. She became a central figure in the scandal after the photos surfaced.

One image showed her smiling and posing with nude prisoners stacked in a pyramid while giving a thumbs-up. Another showed her smiling and pointing at a naked detainee’s genitals while smoking a cigarette.

Abu Ghraib was used to house a great deal of folks, including many who had committed no crimes. These soldiers showed no care for the guilt of those they abused, they were put in a position of power and showed why they can never be trusted again. They brought shame to their uniform, and hatred from those who bore us no ill-will. How many angry Iraqis joined or gave quarter to rebels and terrorists because they wanted to repay to American or British soldiers in blood what they saw taken from those humilated prisoners? Lynddie England will get off easy, even if she does recieve the maximum sentence, and I hope she does. She took enjoyment from torturing people, and if she was, as she claims, operating under orders, she had a duty to disobey those orders (”I was only following orders”, give me an effin’ break) — and if she didn’t recognize that what she was doing was wrong, then the Army needs to do a better job of telling its troops what is and is not “acceptable.”

David Simon’s “Homcide: A Year On the Killing Streets” was written after the former Baltimore Sun reporter spent a year with a Baltimore City Police homocide squad. It’s a great book - a sad book, sure, but it’s impossible to put down — my copy, actually, is in pretty sad condition from frequent readings, the front cover is nearly torn off, the pages are creased and folded.

One of the stories within the book focuses on the shooting of Officer Eugene Cassidy, and the trial of his attacker. Blinded by two shots fired into his head, it’s good to know that Cassidy found purpose in life: keeping young officers aware of the dangers of the street.

Hat Tip:Are you effin’ kidding me?

Gallery.