(This review contains Spoilers)
I went to the 10am showing at the Regal Hunt Valley. I thought I would be the only person in the audience. The theater wasn’t filled, by any means, but at least a third of the seats were taken. Afterwards, I bumped into my friend Chris who’d been in the theater as well. “They need to remake the original trilogy,” he said between puffs on his cigarette.
From an aesthetic point of view, he’s probably right. The two don’t mesh well, from either a visual or acting point of view. But while the new trilogy has all of these great CGI special effects, the original three films have something that a remake could not translate.
There’s a scene in “The Replacements” where Gene Hackman tells Keanu Reeves that, to win at football, a player has to have heart.
The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy has no heart.
It has flashes of heart, most of them centered around this third installment, but George Lucas seems to think that flashy CGI effects and cameos of Original Trilogy characters will do more than enough to satisfy the largely unsatisfied audience. Maybe, but Darth Vader in his armor screaming “Noooooo!!!!” after learning about Padme’s death? That’s enough to replace the heartbreak I felt after the long awaited Obi-Wan/Vader duel with “Oh, couldn’t we have had Jar-Jar instead?”
Don’t get me wrong - Revenge of the Sith is a good movie, and far better than The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones. But its hard to believe that the man behind the original Star Wars Trilogy, and the Indiana Jones films, can do no better than this. It seems that somewhere along the line, George Lucas came to the conclusion that potty humor and poorly-written and acted love scenes, coupled with state-of-the-art CGI, could accomplish what mediocre scripts couldn’t.
There are moments of heart in this film. It’s hard not to get emotional as Vader and Obi-Wan battle above the lava pits; as the Jedi are wiped out; as Padme says, “So this is how freedom ends, amongst thunderous applause.” The hairs on the back of your neck will stand as Palpatine addresses the Senate and cackles, “The Senate will now be reorganized as the First Galactic Empire!”
The final scene between Anakin and Obi-Wan - for when they meet again, he will be Darth Vader — is wrenching. You know that Anakin is torn between his loyalty to the Jedi Order and the growing concern - planted in him by Palpatine - that they seek to overthrow the Senate. You want Obi-Wan to convince him that democracy is a thing worth fighting for, you wonder: if Maul had killed Obi-Wan instead, could Qui-Gon have steered Anakin on a path of good?
But the biggest moment of heart is when you fight what you know, when Anakin’s Big Choice looms before him, and despite the poor foreshadowing, the flimsy reasons for his descent to the Dark Side, you find yourself wanting to say to him, “Don’t do it, Anakin. Feel the good inside of you, don’t believe Palpatine’s lies, strike Palpatine down.” But of course, he doesn’t, and that’s the surprising thing — that despite having watched the original movies so many times, over so many years, despite knowing that Anakin Skywalker becomes The Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, its impossible not to root for the good in him at this dark scene, impossible not to want to scream to Windu, “Don’t hesitate! Kill Palpatine, do it now!” Even if the rest of the film was crap — which it isn’t — the way Lucas forces you to experience Anakin’s conflict makes it worthwhile.
But the loveless love scenes, the inability or unwillingness of the Jedi Council to explain to Anakin their motives, the way the Republic seems to just blindly accept its collective fate, the stupid droid army and its stupid voice-overs, the damn-near meaningless execution of Dooku … did I mention Vader screaming “Noooo?!”
It’s a good film. It has moments of greatness.
And if you should feel depressed walking out of the theater, saying to yourself, “I will never see new Star Wars again” … remember: there’s going to be a tv series. Let’s hope Lucas does what he did with the Original Trilogy: hire Lawrence Kasdan to write it!
And will someone tell me, why, if R2-D2 has these thrusters, he needs to be lowered by a crane into X-Wing starfighters in the original trilogy?
Today a lot of people are going to go to a theater and see how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader. It’s important to remember how everything ends, though. From Darth Vader’s blog …
It is she, Shmi Skywalker, who haunts my thoughts tonight as I stare out over the night forest of Endor’s moon. I miss her. But in some ways she is alive again, for I saw her spectre in my son’s eyes, and heard it in his voice. It was a like physical blow.
Galaxy save me.
My son said, “I know there is good in you. The Emperor hasn’t driven it from you fully. That was why you couldn’t destroy me, that’s why you won’t bring me to your Emperor now.”
He looked out into the forest spread out beneath the landing platform, his back to me. I ignited his light-sabre, its green glow filling the corridor. Smooth action, nice gyroscopic response. I always end up fiddling around with gadgets whenever somebody says something that makes me feel uncomfortable. “I see you have constructed a new light-sabre,” I said, retracting the blade and turning the handle over in my hands. “Your skills are complete. Indeed you are powerful as the Emperor has foreseen.”
I turned away then, my feelings threatening my composure and the stability of my left leg. I felt Luke’s mind open to my own, reading my heart in a rush of communication I was too slow to interrupt. His thoughts were flavoured like mine, and my defenses could not discern them. His mind is mine.
“Come with me,” he implored suddenly.
Through the fabric of the Force I could feel him reaching out to me, his hand open. It just about broke my heart. Only Shmi Skywalker knew love that pure, and I felt her spirit stir within him to my horror and shame. I took hold of the railing, fearing I would fall.
And then I felt the slithering tentacles of Darth Sidious’ mind descend upon my consciousness, encircling my wounded heart and cooling it. A voice in my thoughts asked me what destiny of chaos I would have the galaxy face if not for the strength of the enduring New Order. My spirit suffused with a dark light, and my leg began to feel normal again.
I turned around to face my son. “You don’t understand the power of the dark side. I must obey my master.”
Every now and then I try googling the names of old high school friends, most of whom I’ve lost touch with. Tonight, after all efforts to track down Allison Seltzer failed, I just started googling people at random. Imagine my surprise when I actually came across a viable lead to get in touch with this long-lost pal, and fellow Jeep afficiando. He is one of the most decent, and honest people I’ve known, and it’s good to know he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere.
The Senator is sold out of tickets for the 7:30 Revenge of the Sith, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show to Ryan’s Daughter for Happy Hour! I’ll be there around 5ish, and you’ll be able to recognize me because most likely I’ll be wearing a cheap plastic lightsaber on my belt.
Me = Geek.
I think I saw Attack of the Clones opening day … not that I remember, my memory is starting to go. My friend Allison Seltzer (here and here) had been to the midnight showing at the Senator and had scored tickets for us both. She was supposed to pick me up at 11:45, but was running late - typical, for her.
On the other hand, she was also a somewhat reckless and speedy driver, so although she didn’t pick me up from my Cockeysville apartment until damn near noon, we still made the 12:15 showing, albeit after the opening crawl and after Padme’s starship was blown to shreds. I remember, as we hurried towards 83, telling her, “Damn the risks, just get us there” and then my mind registering, “Dude, did you just say that death was an acceptable option in order to see Star Wars?”
Well … isn’t it?
Afterwards, we had lunch and brews at the now closed Gators, talking about everything Star Wars. Later, we hit up Toys “R” Us and I bought a Kit Fisto action figure who stands guard above my computer to this day. I bought her a Yoda.
Two things about my initial viewing of the movie I remember today. The first was my attempt to follow how Palpatine was planning his takeover - namely, had Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas, who supposedly placed the order for the clone army, been a Dark Lord of the Sith, in league with Darth Sidious? Or had Sifo-Dyas been killed in an unrelated incident, allowing some other Dark Sith Lord to impersonate the Jedi Master in order to place the order for the Republic? (Dooku’s reveal as Darth Tyrannus answers this - remember, Jango Fett tells Obi-Wan that he was recruited by a man named Tyrannus). This brings up another question - how did Sifo-Dyas die? Assassination … ?
And the second thing, seeing Darth Sidious and Dooku walk off together, was, “Goddamn I can’t wait three years to see this final film.”
Tomorrow the three years will be up. It really doesn’t seem that long.
Sometimes I think about Allison, and I wonder where she is now. I lost touch with her about three months after Clones premiered. Wherever she lives, I know what she’s doing right now … somewhere, perhaps at The Senator, she’s watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. I like to think she has a big goofy grin on her face.
