*Possible Film Spoiler!*

Q: After their battle on Mustafa, after Obi-Wan Kenobi has defeated his former student and current Dark Lord, Darth Vader, and left him limbless and burning on the slopes of the lava-planet, what does the former Anakin Skywalker say to Obi-Wan Kenobi?
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So, I have a job interview tomorrow with Brown.

My neverousness exists on several levels — the interview is at Arundel Town Center, where I’ve never been. I have to be there at 9am, which means I get to experience the rush-hour commute, and since I’ve never been there before and don’t know how long the average commute from Timonium to my destination is, I’m hoping I don’t miscalculate and arrive either waaay early or waaay late. This is the first job interview I’ve been on in, oh, seven years? And this is the first job interview that is actually for a career position … in other words, the first job interview that actually matters.

But the thing causing me the most nervousness is my ability to tie a tie. See, I don’t know how to tie a tie. I actually remember going to Sears once, taking an already tied-tie off a manequin, and buying it, because I needed a tie and I didn’t want to ask anyone for help learning how to tie it. How sad is that?

But tonight I made the decision that I would actually learn how to tie a tie, and thanks to this website, I think I’ve actually pulled it off.

… don’t worry, I’m going to keep practicing.

(And yes, I am going to shave before tomorrow).

(In all actuality, I’ve got a sense of calm tonight about this. I’m almost positive I won’t get the job, so I’m looking at it more like a dress rehearsal than the actual opening night performance).

(I thought I had nice dress shoes, but I found out last night that I didn’t. So I got up early to go to DSW before work, but found out they don’t open until 11 on Sundays - the same time I had to be at work - and they close before I’d get out. So I panicked and hurried over to the Walmart next door, but couldn’t find their shoe section, so I assumed they didn’t have one. I was going to run down to Target when out of the corner of my eye, I did indeed see the “SHOE SECTION” sign on the back wall.)

(I was going to wear a white shirt, but then I started thinking that the light blue shirt might be a better choice. Decisions, decisions!)

UPDATE:

(I wish two things. One, I wish I owned a clip on tie. I think I’ve gotten the hang of tying this thing, but it looks a little clumsy. Two, I wish I owned a tie that wasn’t black).

So, uh, don’t do any of this?

Many bored candidates were spotted continually checking their watches, and one interviewee asked the hiring manager to speed things up so he could catch a bus. Another job seeker booked it out of the interview upon hearing about the drug test. But the weirdest story came from a hiring manager who said, “One applicant said the company had a black aura and left.”

One job hopeful arrived at his interview displaying a hairy chest, medallion, strong cologne and a wad of gum in his mouth. And which is worse: the applicant who wore a housecoat and slippers or the one who wore his slippers with a bathing suit and T-shirt?

One applicant raised eyebrows when he asked whether spousal abuse would prevent him from getting the job. Another said she had serious health problems and needed the company’s insurance. And one job-hopping hopeful disclosed that he planned to retire in two months. Another admitted he didn’t do all of the duties listed in his résumé – but he assured the hiring manager that didn’t matter.

I think I can handle that …

There’ll never be another one like him.

(He looks a little like Bob Sagett there, don’t you think?)

I don’t care what you say - I’m so buying this!