Long story short - someone that I thought would never ever in a million years if we were the last two people on Earth ever possibly speak to me again … (wait for it!) … called me last night and we spoke for like an hour. Or maybe forty-five minutes. I was out in my building’s parking lot, trying not to get run over by my tired neighbors, and trying to stay out of the hearing range of the people who kept coming out to smoke on the stoop. (Bastards don’t respect my privacy …)

Short story long - (don’t worry, this’ll make sense … maybe …?) - I cleaned out my fridge the other night, possibly because I wanted to throw out the moldy cheese from last October, but really because I needed to fit some sodas and bottled water in with the beer collection on the bottom shelf.

I found a bottle of raspberry cider jack! I thought I’d gone through all of my raspberry cider jack, which is my favorite cider ever (lemon cider jack? Honey, please). It’s super hard to find — even Beltway Liquors didn’t have any! — and I thought I’d gone through my last bottle like last summer.

(Those of you who know me know I generally don’t drink much, and that it doesn’t take much to get me drunk. Let me tell ya’, I can go through a six-pack of this stuff in about an hour and get super effin’ hammered. Love it, love it I tell ya’.)

Okay, so I don’t quite know how those two fit together, and they don’t neccessarily fit together well, although I suppose some would argue that a bottle of beer is a friend … ? Maybe? Even that’s a lousy analogy because you can always replace a beer, and it’s much harder to replace a friend. In any case, I found a beer I thought I couldn’t replace, and I think I might have the opportunity to mend a fence I thought had been reduced to splinters. Or maybe ash. In any case, I actually think ‘bridge’ is a better metaphor, so let’s just go with “reduced to rubble”. Here’s hoping in picking up that rubble, I don’t find the ugly troll.*

I’m going to bed before I start looking for more eBay Jeeps.

*Me. I’m the troll. Get it? Troll lives under bridge? I destroyed the bridge? Evil. Stupid. “Growl.”