Because you might also have a settlement coming your way.

The other day, I found a time machine in my closet. No, really, a real honest to god time machine. It looked a lot like a big, old fashioned wardrobe, so I opened the doors expecting to find the snow-covered mountain side of Narnia. Instead, I found several gadgets with which I could use to set a specific date and time and place. Engaging the machine I think accidently — I knocked on the inside of the door to get out — I found myself on what was then my great-grandfather’s farm in Princess Anne.

Stepping from the wardrobe – which landed in the cow pasture, much to those beats’ dismay – I was attacked by a young man who bore a striking resemblance to my dad and my uncle, although, without the wrinkles. He slammed me into the ground and drew an old revolver – although, now I think back on it, it was new and shiney. I wrestled with him for it before it went off, striking him in the chest. He gasped and rolled over, quite dead.

Someone from a distance screamed “George!” and began running over. Then I realized why I recognized him – I’d just shot my own grandfather. But … thats impossible! If I killed my grandfather, he’d never have children, and if he never had children, how could his children have children? Oh my god, I would never be born!

But wait, if I was never to be born, how could I ever possibly get into a time machine, land in the cow pasture, and kill him?

Anyway, it’s okay, because if you happen to find a time machine in your closet and for some reason you want to go back in time to kill your grandfather, you wouldn’t be able to do it, according to these guys.

Researchers speculate that time travel can occur within a kind of feedback loop where backwards movement is possible, but only in a way that is “complementary” to the present.

In other words, you can pop back in time and have a look around, but you cannot do anything that will alter the present you left behind.

The new model, which uses the laws of quantum mechanics, gets rid of the famous paradox surrounding time travel.

Although the laws of physics seem to permit temporal gymnastics, the concept is laden with uncomfortable contradictions.

The main headache stems from the idea that if you went back in time you could, theoretically, do something to change the present; and that possibility messes up the whole theory of time travel.

Clearly, the present never is changed by mischievous time-travellers: people don’t suddenly fade into the ether because a rerun of events has prevented their births – that much is obvious.

So either time travel is not possible, or something is actually acting to prevent any backward movement from changing the present.

For most of us, the former option might seem most likely, but Einstein’s general theory of relativity leads some physicists to suspect the latter.

According to Einstein, space-time can curve back on itself, theoretically allowing travellers to double back and meet younger versions of themselves.

And now a team of physicists from the US and Austria says this situation can only be the case if there are physical constraints acting to protect the present from changes in the past.

The researchers say these constraints exist because of the weird laws of quantum mechanics even though, traditionally, they don’t account for a backwards movement in time.

Quantum behaviour is governed by probabilities. Before something has actually been observed, there are a number of possibilities regarding its state. But once its state has been measured those possibilities shrink to one – uncertainty is eliminated.

So, if you know the present, you cannot change it. If, for example, you know your father is alive today, the laws of the quantum universe state that there is no possibility of him being killed in the past.

It is as if, in some strange way, the present takes account of all the possible routes back into the past and, because your father is certainly alive, none of the routes back can possibly lead to his death.

“Quantum mechanics distinguishes between something that might happen and something that did happen,” Professor Dan Greenberger, of the City University of New York, US, told the BBC News website.

“If we don’t know your father is alive right now – if there is only a 90% chance that he is alive right now, then there is a chance that you can go back and kill him.

“But if you know he is alive, there is no chance you can kill him.”

In other words, even if you take a trip back in time with the specific intention of killing your father, so long as you know he is happily sitting in his chair when you leave him in the present, you can be sure that something will prevent you from murdering him in the past. It is as if it has already happened.

“You go back to kill your father, but you’d arrive after he’d left the room, you wouldn’t find him, or you’d change your mind,” said Professor Greenberger.

“You wouldn’t be able to kill him because the very fact that he is alive today is going to conspire against you so that you’ll never end up taking that path leads you to killing him.”

Eh, what they said. It’s all science fiction to me.

Halfway through writing that “War of the Worlds” review, I got tired, stiffled a yawn, and made my way to the living room to lie down on the couch and watch some of the History Channel’s special on Benjamin Franklin. That was at 6:30. The next thing I know, it’s 9:00. Son of a …

The first five hours today were pretty much pissed down the drain. Several sharp sensations on my feet caused me to realize with impending dread that my old enemy the fleas have returned, and I can’t get any Frontline today. I’d had the cats on it pretty regularly for a little over two years, and I guess I stopped applying it to them sometime last fall. Well, I guess I should be grateful the little fuckers stayed away as long as they did. I’m going to do a quick vacuum to get most of the fuckers up, then tomorrow the war will recommence. (I don’t understand where the fleas came from, originally, it’s not like these are outdoor cats, y’know?)

My plans to take a shower before going out were nearly thwarted by … no hot water. Only ice cold water. Son of a bitch! I figured, fuck it, I’ll brave it, and I lasted about five seconds before I slammed my body into the faucet control to shut it off, freezing cold and my heart beating super-super fast.

After the movie, I went over to my ex-professor’s house to let herdogs out. She and her husband are down in Annapolis with her son and his family for the whole day, and for some reason didn’t want the dogs pooping all over the house. They’re both yellow labs — Jack and Maggie. Maggie is apparently the product of inbreeding and is “slightly retarded.” Either way, the professor has a beautiful garden, and I let the dogs wander around and do what they wanted to while I read a few chapters of The Historian. Jack got a little excited because the neighbors were outside splashing in their pool and had their own dog out. So Jack started to bark, saying, “Hey, can I come play?” Of course, the neighbor’s dog started to bark, so I had to put the book down and coax Jack to be silent. No sooner did he stop barking … then Maggie started, and of course she was waaaay the hell over on the other side of this VERY LONG garden. And as soon as I walked away from Jack, he started barking again … OH MY GOD, why does anyone want a dog?

I also had some trouble with her cat Zippy, aka Harry. He’s this big lanky orange tabby, and even if you’ve been around cats your whole life, you’ve never met one this big and strong. He’s a brawny fuckin’ cat, and he wants nothing more than to be outside. He tried to get out when I was coming back in with the dogs, but I stuck my hand in his face mid-jump and he sort of wound up being carried back into the house on Maggie’s back (I say sort of because we were having a struggle – me with one hand on the door, closing it, and the other on his head, trying to keep him from bolting, and him putting every bit of strength into recovering his footing and … bolting). The second time was when I was leaving. He was hiding under this table in the rear-entry — I didn’t even see him — and as I was closing the inner door (you can’t slam it because its old, so you have to close it slowly, force it into position, and lock it) I rotated my body, in the process moving my leg, which thusly smacked Zippy in the face, then turned him in such a way he got caught between my leg and the inner door. Y’know how, if you shift a car into reverse on a dirt road and gun the engine, the front wheels might spin up dirt for a second or two before finding traction? That was sort of like him. Both sets of paws spun in full “RETREAT!” mode, and then he floored it back into the house. That cat … I swear.

Anyway, re: my post the other day, I feel better about things today. Like I said, went to see the movie with a friend, had a good time. Moving beyond the whole anxiety thing. Beyond.

Saw The War of the Worlds today at The Senator with a friend.

I’d heard that it wasn’t a literal translation of the book, but it’s been many years since I’ve listened to the radio broadcast (it was rebroadcast maybe ten years ago?), so I truthfully didn’t remember much about it … with the exception, that is, of radio listeners of the 1930s sprinting into the streets expecting to get steamrolled by the Martian army.

So we’ve got Tom Cruise as a blue-collar dock worker who likes to drive super fast in a restored Mustang and whose kids hate him. Long story short, the Martians begin their invasion, Cruise grabs his kids and try to get out of the city, many many bad things happen as these giant Martian tripods lumber through streets and forests, vaporizing folk, knocking military helicopters out of the sky, and over-turning ferrys filled with refugees into the icy cold waters of the Hudson.

It’s actually not a bad movie, it’s really good. As you probably know, the key to defeating the invaders comes from the bacteria, so there’s not much that the characters in the film can do to save their planet, it’s more about them saving themselves (although Cruise does manage to bring a tripod down in a sequence sort of reminiscent of Luke’s thermal-grenade into the belly of the AT-AT from Empire).

There’s this one scene … see, we’re supposed to get attached to the characters. The big brother, initially, is cold and cruel to Cruise — well, not surprising, they have a hate/hate relationship. It’s up to the big brother to calm his sister and urge his father to put up resistence against these aliens. There’s a sequence on a ferry where the captain puts the engines to maximum to outrun the Martian tripods appearing on the mountainside. He raises the – I don’t know what to call it, gate? – gate and sets out, but many panicked refugees jump on the gate as it raises and are hanging on for dear life on the other side. Big brother climbs the gate and helps some of these folks over to the other side, and you can see that Cruise, for the first time, feels pride for his son.

Shortly thereafter, the son dies. Oh, but he doesn’t, because this is a Stephen Spielberg film. Anyway, the reunification scene at the end pretty much ruins all of the emotional impact of the film. For that matter, seeing Cruise’s ex-wife and family alive does a good job of that too. New York is ruined, Boston is ruined, and somehow this entire large family manages to survive? Sister, puh-lease.

There’s only one real moment of emotional impact — Cruise & Co. have fallen in with a slightly unhinged survivalist who wants to wage his own private war against the invaders … with a shotgun and an axe. Cruise firmly believes the man’s actions will get them all killed, and when every attempt to reason have gone, he finally takes matters into his own hands and kills him.

Let me take that back – there’s a second scene of emotional impact. Cruise is able to locate the one minivan in New York that still runs (because he only moments before told the mechanic how to fix the EMP damage), but trying to make his way through a crowd is stopped by a mob of people, which leads to a face-off between Cruise (wielding the revolver he kept under his bed) and an angry individual of the mob … armed with a bigger gun. Gathering his family and disarmed in the confrontation, Cruise runs into an abandoned diner, while outside (and seen through the windows), another individual retrieves Cruise’s weapon and fires it on the “bigger-gun” wielding gentlemen trying to drive off in the minivan. Cruise breaks down into tears – not so much for the dead guy, more for almost losing his family – but the sequence is just so brutal, and coming so close after Brooklyn gets torched … well, it’s an old movie trick, but it might get a tear out of you.

(I read somewhere that Spielberg wouldn’t to keep any comparissons to Independence Day to a minimum, yet both films’ aliens look … uh … very similar).

A couple of nitpicks …

(This one was actually pointed out to me, I don’t think I would have noticed it because I am that oblivious…) When the first tripod bursts out of the ground, it has already been established that the city has been hit with an EMP blast that’s disabled all electronics — lights, cars, even Cruise’s watch are dead. Yet someone in the crowd has a working digital camera.

Tom Cruise’s character keeps a loaded revolver in a locked box under his bed. For all the recklessness the character is established as having as character traits in the introductory segment of the film, I’m surprised he doesn’t keep it in his kitchen’s junk drawer (where, uh, I do).

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this post.

92 WPM Accuracy 80%. Eh, I don’t like to proofread … anyone who reads this blog knows that. What’s the best you can do?

Popular Mechanics did a story on an upcoming redisgn of my favorite subject ever! (Well, favorite obsession, ever …)

A redesigned Wrangler will debut for the 2007 model year in both the traditional two-door configuration as shown here, as well as a new four-door variant sitting on a longer wheelbase. A pickup derivative is a likely addition sometime during the next Wrangler’s lifecycle.

Codenamed TK, the upcoming Wrangler may have a fixed top with removable panels, instead of the soft and/or hardtop offerings. A fold-down front windshield and removable doors, of course, are expected.

Although traditional in its styling, look for some cues from the Jeep Rescue concept to make it all the way to the production Wrangler.

First impression? No soft top? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Jeep, don’t be an idiot, Wranglers need SOFT TOPS. Wrangler hard tops are a WASTE OF WHATEVER THE EFF THEY’RE MADE OF!

Second impression — all good news, but this means if I buy a new Wrangler, I’ll be looking to wait until 2008, because: a) I don’t want to wind up shelling out a shit load of cash just so I can have the “new” body-style when it first comes out, b) by waiting a year, whatever technical issues they have with the new body style will be worked out, it won’t be in as much demand, and Quadratec will have some custom shit out for it.

Third impression – a Rescue-ish Wrangler is going to kick ass. The Jeep Rescue was a concept vehicle Jeep built a few years ago. The original word was that they were going to use the bodystyle to restart the old “Commander” line, or that they were going to use it to replace the Cherokee (they did that, instead, with the it’s-growing-on-me-slowly Liberty).

The coolest thing about the Rescue is that it takes its visual styling directly from the Wrangler, and updates it a bit. It’s a modern version of the classic, and just as when you look at the Wrangler you see a WWII Willy, so when you look at the Rescue do you STILL see the WWII Willy.

Anyway … I’m excited. I’d be more excited if Jeep made this, though. Drool.

(PS – I hope its available in ELECTRIC LIME GREEN)

(PSS – and six-speed manual transmission, with optional pop-up anti-deer/pedestrians/slow-driver counter-measures)

Tron writes:

I walked down to my mailbox at 4pm to check for netflicks. (I’m waiting for Babylon 5 season 1 discs 4-5!!) I looked to the right, and went “whoa”.

He went “whoa” because his moron neighbor started a big effin’ fire. Tron, I sure as hell hope you’ve got insurance, ‘cuz I think that guy’ll be declaring bankruptcy!