at happy hour Sally (hooray!) told me I outed Anonymouscowanaker by name and he was all like “I’m going to kil lyou” but I did a search ()see function on the rihht of the4 page) for his real secret identity name we’ll call him bruce Vayne here but it didn’t come up hahahahah i din’t out acx after all hahahahhahaha

oim vewry drunk anothet yuenling before bed? yesd please

dsally shiuld start a blog

anyone remember ben from dizzy izzy’s blog lukrer? benj, where wr i?

from Paul my total drinks drank was eight wopopoooohooooooo!

]he was picking up the tab and giving me a ride otherewise i would have Had a lot more water

all ther cool kids are doing it

i should not be allowed to post comments to peoples blogs when i’m drunkalthough i thibk I do a reasonable job of keepuing the drunk-induced-speling mishaps to ma not so unvisible zro mayne4 not

he Found us but I don’t know why he cant sit up staIGHT like a normal personb whats with the on the side shit

… even though he runs around the galaxy in the newest and gaudiest space-clothing offered by Abercrombie-and-Fitch’s most up-to-date sexathon - er, I mean catalogue - and drives the flashiest, most expensive and fuel-guzzling star cruiser in the entire universe - and that paint scheme! My god, that’s a custom job, that ain’t standard on that ship, no sir! But of course, he wouldn’t be Vance Quadtrum if he couldn’t rub your face in his wealth - which is why he has a (IKEA decorated, can’t you tell?) home on the most expensive Moon property there is on the entire … well, Moon. And if that isn’t enough, he bought a second lot, just to park his effin’ ride.

I hate effin’ Vance Quatrum.

(Nice creation, Jamie).

… creepy tombstone, whatevah.

Good god, what happened to me? It’s like I went from “Blog Whore Supreme” to “Pre-Content Challenge JWER” overnight.

That’s sort of to be expected — spending a lot of time on another hobby this weekend, keeping it under wraps for now (the project, not the hobby), something I’d been thinking about doing for a long time and finally decided to start working on it. I’m about as far as I can get on it for now — and, on a personal note, I think it looks fuckin’ fantastic. Waiting on a Bricklink order to arrive (hopefully soon), and hopefully I’ll have it to show ya’ll soon.

Here’s a hint:

***

I’ve been dog-sitting for this guy (The Mysterious Mister N.) while he’s been in Iceland for two and a half-weeks. Pila was quite a mess - peeing and vomiting all over the place. Ate two house plants and destroyed a vase.

Payment for house sitting was N.’s Jeep Wrangler. I enjoyed it thoroughly, although I’d been hoping to knock the odometer over the 17,000 marks. I put roughly 700 miles of hard driving on the Jeep, so I’d say I got my fun out of it. I’d been planning a little surprise for Mr. N on his return to Baltimore yesterday evening. I was going to leave a note for him on his door, “Mr. N., I regret to inform you that I will not be able to return your Jeep to you in one piece.”

See, because two pieces of the Jeep - the doors - would be in his basement. Then I’d return the rest of the Jeep to him … whenever. Unfortunatly, I had to work tonight, so while the doors stayed inside his home (the dining room), I was not able to give him a good scare. He called me last night and I related this to him, and he paused for a moment, then said, “Y’know, after a day of travel, coming home to that … I think I probably would have introduced you to my friend, Mr. Benelli.”*

He’s such a jokester.

PS - Mr. N., please note that the blue bowl in your sink - which was removed from your dishwasher - was used so that Pila did not have to eat her wet dog food from the can. Figured Alpo isn’t anything the dishwasher can’t clean good as new, and couldn’t figure where you other yellow lab-food-able bowls might be.

***

There are a bunch of insiders at the franchise job in high school or just graduated. One of them, Ryan, looks exactly like Daniel Radcliffe. Another, Elliot, has bright red hair. Anyway, today, at shift change, Elliot (who is running some day shifts), me, and Ross had a brief discussion about the newest Harry Potter book (technically, Ross doesn’t read them, he listens to the audio books). I mentioned to Elliot Ryan’s resemblance to a certain Boy-Who-Lived, and Elliot’s eyes widened, “OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT!”

“Doesn’t that make you a Weasley, then?” Ross inquired of Elliot.

An hour or so later, bored out of mind, I began changing names on the schedule. I changed Ryan’s to “Harry Potter”, Elliot’s to “Ron Weasley”, and Greg (the owner’s) to “T. Riddle.” On a whim, I changed Zebulon’s name to Hermoine (hey, he’s got the hair) and Ogre’s to “Neville L.”

Ogre, recently returned from vacation to Florida or some other place with a lot of sun and heat (coulda just stayed here) mumbled about his name change when Ross was trying to check him out, “So now I’m N-ee-vil, am I?” (That’s how he pronounced it).

At this point, Ogre shoved his foot into his mouth for the umpteenth time. He’s really quite good at it, I must admit. “Harry Potter is for twelve year olds.”

Mind you, the person saying this once bragged that he spent some ridiculous amount of money on a computer for the sole purpose of viewing porn. The only reading he ever does is of the articles in porno-mags (or, at least, he keeps claiming “I buy them for the articles.”)

I think Ogre preforms opinions on certain things that he honestly doesn’t care about just so he can involve himself in unrelated discussions. Once, when he’d just started working here, I was talking to a guy named Mike B. about tv box sets on DVD when Ogre walked up and somehow changed the conversation to how people who don’t believe in God shouldn’t spend American money since it has printed on it “In God We Trust.”

Of course, if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you probably know what I think of Ogre. (Minus the martial arts crap).

What I Should Have Said to Ogre, “Oh, so it’s on your level is it?”

I did not say this for a few reasons. Primarily because Greg asked me to back off Ogre. Prior to Ogre’s vacation, he and I had been engaged in an escalating series of confrontations. I’ll say what I said to Greg — it’s frustrating to work on a busy night, trying to get as many of your closing duties done as you can between deliveries, only to come back and find out that even though all you have to do is mop, you can’t because the guy who is supposed to have swept the floor - Ogre - hasn’t because he’s been in the back munching on four-hour old cheesesticks. Oh, and he’s also got back from his last delivery an hour ago. Extraordinarily frustrating. So, out of respect to Greg, I kept my mouth shut.

The second reason is that really, I don’t find much childish about Harry Potter. Maybe the first book, a little bit, but they’re still better than any of Tom Clancy’s technomanuals, and far and away better than anything Stephen King’s put out lately. Susanna Clarke’s “Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell” was on-par, and “The Historian” was a considerable let down.

In any case, about a second after Ogre’s pronouncement, Ross swiveled away from the office desk and fixed his eyes on Ogre. Ross is a tall guy, with a great bushy beard. Bump into him in a forest and you might think he’d be living in a shack playing with explosives. Really, he’s a big playful goof, and his nephews and nieces (whom he lives with) probably call him “Chewbacca” because he bears a certain resemblance to the big walking carpet. Ross addressed Ogre simply, “Are you saying I read at a twelve-year old’s level?”

Remarkeably, Ogre, who generally hangs around the store for hours after he’s checked out, was gone within five minutes. Woohoo for Ross!

(*That entire quote — or at least, the vast slim majority of it — was made up.)

Star Wars: Episode III The Revenge of the Sith

Wanna guess what hits theaters just over two weeks later … ?