Effective last week, Greg raised gas compensation at the franchise.

A whole ten cents.

Which, actually, isn’t bad as I was already being reimbursed ninety-cents. Now I get a whole dollar … and no delivery charge.

Greg’s being kind of stupid about it, however. There’s a notice that the compensation increase is temporary, until the price of gas drops below $2.30. In other words, it’s a permenant increase. He also wrote a list of things that we as drivers can do to boost our tips, including playing with pets and bringing candy along on delivery to give to children.

There is no mention of turning your vehicle off while on deliveries, or while at the store waiting for deliveries. Its always amusing to walk into the store on a Friday night and see Buzz and Alex bitching about gas prices when their cars are parked on the curb and running.

I read an article many months ago — when I was anticipating a job with UPS — which listed a number of things UPS was doing to keep its budget under control when faced with rising gas prices. One of the things they implemented was requiring their drivers to turn off their delivery trucks at every stop. I can’t remember the numbers or the length of time but UPS was saving millions from their gasoline budget.

I’ve got no patience for pizza drivers who bitch about how much they’re spending on gas when they insist on running their a/c all day and never turn their vehicles off. It makes it easier for the Honchos to say, “We’re not giving you more mileage compensation because you’re reckless with your gas to begin with.” For those of us — those few — who do turn our vehicles off, and who don’t run with the a/c, it’s frustrating because it makes it harder for the frugal among us to reach the level of compensation we deserve.

The girl (fourteen?) answers the door and hands me a twenty. I tell her the price. She asks for $8 back.

I stop. I repeat the price. She repeats how much she wants back.

Repeat.

“Um. The total is $13.”

“Yes, I’d like eight back.” She’s angry now. She’s had to repeat this to me four times now. She doesn’t seem to get why I’m not handing her back her money. I’m a bit frustrated, and I don’t want to humiliate her in front of her friends standing behind her. But really, this has gone on long enough.

“The total is $13. You paid me with a $20. The change is seven.”

“Oh, well, whatever, give me seven back then.”

Yeah, thanks for the tip. All of a sudden, I’ve not much concern for whether I humiliate her or not. Well, at least school starts next week. I hope she’s taking remedial math.

***

A shout-out to the jackass in the mini-dumpster truck who, driving south bound on York Road, decided to use the north bound lanes as his own private turn around. With me about sixty yards and closing. My left food pressed the clutch so I could jump into neutral as my right foot hit the brake pedal hard enough to impregnate the fuckin’ thing. As soon as he had his truck completely out of my lane I started up again, only to have him cut back into my lane. Apparently, he was trying to get into the turn lane to get onto Shawan.

Well, he tried to get into my lane, anyway, but I had my palm firmly pressing on the horn by this point and he was left to gesturing unpolitely with his arm. Hey: assbag, you’re the one who nearly caused an accident. I really wished I’d gotten a business name off his truck so I could call and complain or something. Better yet, I really wish a cop had seen his reckless and irresponsibile driving and pulled him over and given him a huge ticket.

Asshog.

***

“What the fuck are you gesturing for?”

I was trying to ask Zap the location of a certain cleaning product, but the name had completely slipped my mind right as I said, “Zap, have you seen the …?”

“Have I seen the …”

I gestured, looked around the store. I didn’t see it anywhere.

“…are you stupid?”

“It’s right on the tip of my tongue …” I muttered, still looking.

“What are you looking for?” James asked as he stepped out of the walk-in.

“I’m looking for the … the …” the word still wasn’t coming to me, so I made one up. “…the whatchamacillit … the sweeper.”