Bird Flu Symptoms

Found in my e-mail today:

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of
symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the
following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone’s windshield

Have Gun, Will Travel

I’ve been playing a game called Gun on my PC. It’s set in the 1880’s, and its sort of like every western you’ve ever seen — ride into town, shoot a bunch of people, ride out. Ride into a canyon, shoot a bunch of indians, ride out. I’m particularly enjoying the dynamite-tipped arrows I acquired — shoot a bad guy, he groans, then starts shooting back at you, then he explodes. It’s great!

I enjoy some of the side missions. In the town of Dodge, you can work as a deputy to Sheriff Pat Denton. One of my assignments was to break up a brawl in a back alley. Getting there, I couldn’t figure out how to break up the fight without using a gun, (I later learned that if you grab an individual, you can then subdue them) so I said, “Eh, the name of the game is Gun” so I yanked out my double-barreled shotgun and blasted away.

In retrospect, I should have used a dynamite-tipped arrow.

My first ever …

… speeding ticket.

Friday just before noon, I-83 south of 695, the State Troopers. 74 in a 55.

I’m so going to traffic court. James — a coworker who is often in traffic court — told me to plead “guilty with an explanation.” I’m thinking, “I wasn’t aware that the speed limit dropped from 65 and I was in the process of passing a vehicle ahead of me when I was flagged down.”

I hate speed traps.

Free Epson Printer Ink

What happens when your mother buys new printer cartridges for her broken printer? She gets to laugh at herself, especially when she replaces the broken printer with a new one from a different brand.

The boxes were opened because my mother thought the ink might have been the problem with the printer. She was assured by an Epson tech that if she wrapped the cartridges in plastic they’d be kept in working condition.

So, for free —

(Two) boxes of Epson Black Ink, Cartridge #T0321-20.

free furniture

The best thing about having only one sibling, and having that sibling live off the continent, is that whenever the parents are looking to get rid of furniture and you want it, you know that you’re much more likely to get it than the sister who’d have to pay mucho buckos to get it shipped to the middle of the Pacific.

Either that or my parents just like me more.

(Okay, so I don’t actually get the big brown leather sofa until summer and I’m going to have to rent a van from Enterprise to move it … it’s a big leather sofa!!!!!)

(And it’s super comfy).

The Caper of the Stolen Legos

According to CNN.com, a guy named William Swanberg “stole up to $200,000 worth of the brick sets pilfered from [Target] stores in Oregon, Utah, Arizona, Nevada and California” and then resold the pieces on the ‘net.

How did he do that? Through Bricklink. The name looked familar and I checked my filed orders — sure enough, I’ve placed four orders with him for my Hogwarts project (the last in early August). Thankfully, I’ve recieved them. His store is now unlisted (not surprising since his inventory just got hauled away).

HT: Cham.

Update: Bricklink members talk about the arrest on the discussion forums. I’m less of the “I for one, will sleep a little better tonight knowing that another liar, cheat and thief is off the street” crowd and more the “he use to tell me he couldn’t lower prices because he wasn’t making enough money” crowd … (I know, I’m a horrible person).

Black Wednesday, Black Friday

Black Wednesday was actually pretty good — the Indy was slow, probably a side-effect of the numerous new pizza shops opening in our area. I did encounter a few corporate drivers who looked like they’d been in trench-warfare, so I’m guessing most of the day’s business went to them.

I took five runs during the day. I showed up at work a little before 11, and I was out a little before two. Most folks tipped me about five bucks — some a bit more, some a bit less. A big shout out to the bitch at the ugly-office-furniture-warehouse on York Road who gave me a buck and change on a thirty-plus dollar order. Alternatively, a big shout out to the bearded fat guy at the right-wing news management outlet who tipped me five-fifty on a fourteen-fifty order. You rock!

Night was busier at the franchise, even with five drivers it was pretty much in and back out, mostly with two or more deliveries at a time. Although the rush died out about eight, orders continued to straggle in and I wound up not getting off the road until about fifteen minutes after we’d closed. I didn’t wind up leaving until nearly eleven, and my tips exceeded expectations.

Friday is going to be slow. The biggest fear I have is that encamped retail folks will order out for their lunch and I’ll have to make my way through a horde of shopping zombies both in the stores and in the parking lots. This is why they make double-barrelled shotguns, but can I carry one? Nooooo.

The Perfect Gift

Over the summer my Aunt Anne almost burned down her house. She started preheating the oven without checking to make sure it was empty — it wasn’t, there were some plastic tubs inside. Long story short, the fire department had to come out and the kitchen was covered in that extinguisher residue and the whole place smelled like smoke.

My brilliant Christmas gift for her and my uncle: a gift-certificate to Home Depot and a photo of their fire extinguisher section.

Cruel? Mean? No, funny. Or, “ironic” if you believe Alannis Morisette.

***

Speaking of gifts, Monday I took a few minutes at work to run to the liquor store at the other end of the shopping center. I wanted to buy a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Creme for A. to sort of mend our bridge (I also got Steve a gift, but haven’t had a chance to take it in before tonight). I’d never been in this liquor shop before, and I tell you what, shop owners in this part of the county sure know how to rip off rich alcoholics. The same size bottle of Bailey’s that I bought from the liquor store around the corner from my apartment for $20 was $41.99 here. I settled on an off-brand Irish creme because it was a decent sized bottle for a quarter of the price. I hid it in A.’s locker … hopefully, she finds it and it doesn’t shatter (as its wrapped in a brown paper bag).

***

y’know what a perfect gift would be, for folks driving in the Hunt Valley area? If people around here learned about the concept of the “center lane” and how to properly use it! I hate fucktard retard shitbird motherfuckers who decide to make a left-hand turn across oncoming traffic from … the lefthand lane. Hello, that’s why there’s the center-turning-lane you DIPSHIT! On the bright side, he got really pissed when I — coming up behind him — got into the center-turning-lane and prevented him from making his turn.

Oh well, stupid people finish last.

Black Wednesday

Everyone knows Black Friday. Billed as the “Busiest Shopping Day of the Year”, retailers slash prices and people get up way too early to buy a $20 DVD player at Best Buy and the local news talks about the five dozen folks who got stampeded to death trying to get a 40-roll pack of toilet paper at Wal-Mart for a buck (I think last year the folks who got stampeded to death at Wal-Mart were actually trying to buy a $20 DVD player).

Holiday plans are keeping me home this year, as opposed to long drives to the Eastern Shore or New England. This will be the first day-before-Thanksgiving I’ve worked in probably four years. I tremble with fear. Why do I tremble in fear?

Today is Black Wednesday.

Like, when you know someone who works retail and they break down sobbing when you mention Black Friday to them? It’s like that with Black Wednesday.

First, you’ve got all the people who are going to be spending way too many hours in the kitchen tomorrow cooking. They’re not going near the oven for any reason.

Second, you’ve got the retail employees of big box stores, little mom and pop shops, and employees of grocery stores. All will be swamped today as people rush out for whatever they’re still in need of for tomorrow. “Black Wednesday”, as far as I remember, also applies to groceries stores (this is why I went out last night at 11:45pm just for a gallon of milk).

Third, what with a four day weekend, you can bet a lot of offices are going to be treating their cubicle slaves to a pizza party.

I can’t wait until today is over.