That huge honkin’ castle in my living room is now 2 Lego-bricks shy of touching the ceiling.

Suck it.

Is that the band title? I’m not sure. Super catchy song by them on the radio — it’s the shit, particularly when grabbed by the need for speeeeeeed.

If there is one concrete rule in the pizza-slingin’ biz, it is that you do not — for any reason — make a rude remark about the size of a gratuity. It doesn’t matter if they live at the end of a three-mile long dirt road situated at the far end of the delivery area, that you can’t get to their house without ruining the carefully planned washing and waxing of your car, and that walking to their front porch with nine pizzas over their ill-kept walk will see you trip, fall, and covered in bruises and mud by the time you get to their door, all for a tip of thirty-nine cents in rusted pennies.

Hold on - let me ammend that. *ahem* You cannot — for any reason — make a rude remark about the size of a gratuity to the customer’s face. Beating the steering wheel and cursing their name, plotting to set their house afire, running over their mailbox, fantasizing about getting them locked up on some bogus charge and becoming the bitch of some overly affectionate neo-Nazi named Bubba … these are acceptable ways of dealing with the frustration over being stiffed.

Stiffing goes with the game. Generally, it’s not all that bad. You get stiffed, you move on, most customers tip, and many of those tip very well. Getting yourself bogged down by a stiffer just doesn’t help in any regard.

No one seems to have explained this rule to [co-worker] who complained, to the customer’s face, about the size of the gratuity he recieved.

Bad form! But perhaps not unexpected considering that it was [co-worker] who did it. But, bad form for other reasons: a.) customer is related to N., who is an ex-coworker who is related to A.. b.) customer lives close to store and, while not the best tipper, is at least an “okay” tipper.

Bad form reason number three? After being compelled to call customer to apologize, [co-worker] did not fully hang up the phone before muttering “white trash”, apparently loud enough for the customer to hear him say “white trash.” (This is what we call, “Wait, if he didn’t get fired for that, what can I get away with and not get fired?*”)

Bad form reason number four? A., who is indirectly related to customer, heard [co-worker] call her indirect relatives “white trash.”

Bad form reason number five? Assuming I ever deliver to the customer in question, I think it’s safe to say [co-worker]’s antics have ensured I, and none other of his fellow co-workers, will ever — ever — recieve a tip.

Take a wild guess who [co-worker] is.

* Chewbacca
* Old Man Frank
* Su-ass-per-ass-t-ass-tic Ass-lex
* Zebulon

Yes, the correct answer is indeed “Su-ass-per-ass-t-ass-tic Ass-lex”, or as we know him for short, “Ass Alex.” It’s a wonder the boy is still on the schedule.

(As a side: after returning from “vacation”, Ass Alex asked if he could get any more days on the schedule. Greg told him he could come in Wednesday night, Thursday night, and/or Friday night. Ass Alex muttered angrily, thought about it, said he could come in Thursday night, then called in Sunday to call out for Thursday. “What was the point?” Greg asked. I don’t know, Greg, but I really really really think we could take him off the schedule and not miss him.)

*Apparently, a lot as I’m always up to my “usual” tricks at the Franchise and I just found out I’ve been named “Employee of the Month” for December. This, I assume, because every time I see Greg I remind him that I worked Halloween. Even though I’d requested off for it many months in advance. But I worked it!

I’m going to keep reminding him. That I worked Halloween. I figure I’ve got about ten more months to get leverage out of it.