Greg to Steve.

“Did you swallow?”

“Huh?”

“After you blew the dough. Did you swallow?”

Tonight is Heaving Melon‘s Virtual Happy Hour. What’s a Virtual Happy Hour? I have no idea, but I do have a bottle cap that went down Geisha’s cleavage. Anyway, we’re getting drunk, listening to Dylan, and have vague plans to watch episodes of The West Wing and something to do with the air conditioning. Oh, yeah … TROEGS!!!!!

Drunk Snay:

Drunk Geisha:

Do you know how much it sucks to have a beautiful chick in your apartment and know you’re not going to get to see her naked? A LOT! That’s how much! (I know, she doesn’t have a head … no one’s perfect!)

Question asked to me today:

“Hi, can I get a greek salad with no lettuce?”

Between my mother’s family, and my dad’s mother’s family, my genetic makeup is primarily Irish and German. But when asked about my family heritage, I don’t talk about the Irish or the German blood in my veins — instead, I take my cue from my name, the same name my grandfather’s grandparents came to this country with, from their home in Sweden.

When asked about heritage as how it relates to America, though, it isn’t to Sweden I look, but rather to England, the mother-country we rebelled from in our youth, only to reconnect with, in a different relationship form, many years later.

It’s odd how one can connect to two different places for two completely different reasons.

I had no point to make with this post.

So I pull up to this guy’s house, and the first thing I notice – how could I not? – is that there’s a giant fucking bull in the pasture. Look, my grandad had a dairy farm, I was chased around pastures by cows when I was a kid, I know how big a cow should be, I know bulls are bigger than cows, and I know that even sixty feet away, this bull was motherfuckin’ huge, black and white spotted — I didn’t know bulls came that way — with big ass horns, just stopped munching on the grass, and fixed me a gaze.

“Yo. Motherfucka. Whatcha doin’ here, bitch?” That kind of gaze. He was eyefucking me.

If you aren’t familiar with the term “eyefucked”, I didn’t make it up — I got it from David Simon, author of the best non-fiction cop book ever. Don’t believe the “urban dictionary“, which defines it as, “When you and someone else are looking at each other like you want to have wild sex.”

That might be “new school” eyefucking, but that ain’t “old school” eyefucking. Old school eyefucking is when you’re telling someone you don’t like, by use of your eyes, that you want to beat them into a fucking body bag. It’s “Man, I gonna fuck you up!” except with your eyes instead of your mouth.

Anyway, so the dude who ordered is off mowing another pasture — he’s got a big mower/blade/thing hooked up to the back of his tractor, but he sees me, I walk over towards the gate to that pasture, pays, tips okay, I leave and walk back to my car. The bull is still in the same fucking posture, still eyefucking me.

Dude needs a sign at the bottom of his long driveway: “Don’t Worry About The Dog. Attack Bull on Premises”

It turns out that a couple of years ago, two writers by the name of J. Michael Straczynski and Bryce Zabel sat down to work out a pitch on a “reboot” of Star Trek. Arguing that the Franchise (five tv shows, and a dozen movies) was cumbersome and dying, they pitched a return to the Classic — Kirk, Spock, and McCoy on a five-year mission with a purpose.

You can read their pitch through the link on Zabel’s blog. I’ll admit right off the bat to being on the fence about this — I loved Star Trek as a kid, and I’ve still got an affection for (most of) the franchise.

I love, for example, the current “reimagining” of Battlestar Galactica, but I was never a fan of the original. I love Batman Begins, but I was never a huge comic book fan, so I don’t really understand my coworker who can’t get past the idea of a “non Golden Age” Batman (whatever the hell that means).

I think the treatment for a rebooted Star Trek sounds interesting. I think it’s quite possible that even though this treatment is over two years old, it will be looked at some point in the future. When Enterprise went off the air last year, it marked the first time since 1987 that (that at least one) Star Trek series wasn’t in first-run production (TNG ran ’87-’94, DS9 ’93-’99, VOY ’94-’01, ENT ’01-’05). I think it is safe to say that, for now at least, the Franchise is dead. And I’m okay with that. I think that’s good. There are only so many stories you can tell before you start recycling ideas, and a long pause is a good thing (I still don’t know that I’m convinced a new Trek film by JJ Abrams and starring Matt Damon as Capt. Kirk is in the works).

Long story short, let the Franchise be dead for a few years, if you want my opinion on the matter. And when the time is right, take a fresh look at the entire thing — not just a new crew on a new ship, but a look like this, a look to reboot Star Trek. I think it could be done, and done well.

One of my favorite lines in the treatment (it made me laugh):

We know that the Enterprise was once infested with tiny cute Tribbles piled three feet high in some places … but what if they came equipped with an agenda, an attitude … and teeth?

Too bad this never got past “treatment” stage.

One of the things I like best about movies on DVD are the commentary tracks often available. Usually, these are — at the most — one track wonders, brief insights into the minds of the director, writers, crew, and cast, to be listened to once and then never again. There are very few commentary tracks which, alone, are worth listening to again.

My second favorite commentary track is on the two-disc Star Trek First Contact special edition. I’ve blogged about this before, but Jon Frakes is a fuckin’ trip to listen to. He’s like a kid in a candy store.

Big Trouble in Little China is a great film — it’s quirky, funny, amusing, deep, and exciting. One of the best features of the movie is the commentary track (my favorite, ever!) on the DVD, a conversation between director John Carpenter and star Kurt Russell. It’s deep and probing and funny, discussing not only the film, but some of the basic beliefs of both in regards to their respective arts. It’s a really fascinating listen, and if you’ve seen the movie but never listened to the track, you’ve done yourself a diservice.