Which is to say, sitting on the couch with Guy, as he tries to get me to rub his stomach.

Tomorrow, while I’m fumigating and then cleaning, the cats will be spending the night at the Hunt Valley Animal Hospital and getting bathed.

They won’t be forgiving me any time soon.

I don’t know why, but it suddenly occured to me today, at work, that I couldn’t recall the last time I remembered seeing my doormat.

So when I got home, I completely forgot to look for it. As soon as I remembered, I opened the door, and sure ’nuff, it was gone. I don’t know how long its been gone for because it was one of those things I forgot was there until I remembered it should’ve been there. For all I know, it’s been gone since May. I’m kind of pissed. I’d never had a doormat before, and I paid $15 for it last winter, and now one of my neighbors — it’s a locked building — probably stole it.

I’m not buying another one.

It was a fugly doormat, too. I should’ve smeared poo on the bottom of it. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice until they slipped it under their shirt. If I get another doormat — which I won’t, because I’m not buying another one — I’m going to smear poo all over the bottom of it.

Or superglue it to the threshold. Anyone got a nail gun I can borrow?

I’ll be on my way to West Virginia and my vacation.

Seven days. Seven fucking days.

I can’t wait.

I got around to watching the second pilot episode on the NBC promo disc I netflixed — this one, “Kidnapped“, is a show that seems to be trying to take a bite out of “Prison Break”‘s core audience — the show purports to follow a kidnapping, from multiple points of view, from start to resolution. The cast includes Dana Delaney, Tim Hutton, Jeremy Sisto and Delroy Lindo. As far as show openers go, I miss the big two-hour special events they used to hold to introduce folks to the characters and concepts — an hour (well, less than forty-five minutes when you count commercials and credits) is just not enough time, and the show feels rushed (as, admittedly, did Studio 60).

Most of the pilot’s interesting character interactions take place between Lindo (an FBI agent) and Sisto (an ominously titled “retriever” of kidnap victims). I read somewhere that the feel of the show is borrowed from NBC’s short-lived Boomtown, where it tells the same story by way of multiple viewpoints on the same event. It was hard to see if that was true in the pilot, but I do think it is interesting that Sisto’s character is named “Knapp.” As in, take out the “id” and the “ed” from “kidnapped” and you’ve got his name. Considering I just finished Six Feet Under a few weeks ago, it was a little hard for me not to confuse his character Knapp with Billy Chenowith — he plays them both with this strange weird “I’m loco!” intensity.

Here’s my impression: great casting, but a run of the mill execution. I might Netflix the first season when it hits DVD. Then again, I’ll probably rather be getting caught up on Lost‘s third season by that point.

And I laughed my ass off.

I don’t quite know how to describe it. Faux-retrospective- of-a-cheesy-”B”-science-fiction-seriel-television-show-crossed- with-(a touch of)-monty-python? (Click on the above link to see the first episode.)

“I told Garth, ‘Garth, this is ambitious … for the money we’ve got. Seeing as how we’ve got no money.’”

It’s great.

(Helps that I’ve been drinking).

(I cleaned like ten million tons of crap out of my closet. Anyone interested in four or fifty boxes of VHS tapes?)

(Marenghi rhymes with Ferengi!)

UPDATE:

This is some politically incorrect shit. “The Scotch people — they want what we’ve got. Civilization. Dictionaries. Sobriety.” I almost wish I was sober so I could appreciate it more.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a coworker named Terry, years ago when I worked at Blockbuster. We were restocking videos and he asked me if I’d ever seen Monty Python & The Holy Grail. I hadn’t. He told me I had to see it, drunk. I told him I’d never been drunk (I didn’t get drunk for the first time until two days before my 21st birthday). He told me it was a funny movie sober, but much more hilarious while intoxicated. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the movie while drunk … but I plan on rectifying that next week when I’m on vacation and you’re stuck in your cubicle, bitches!!!!!!!