All that remains is the bedroom, bathroom, living room, and some “detail work” in the kitchen (i.e., unloading the dishwasher and getting the third load going). Oh. Plus I’ve got like eight or fifty loads of laundry.

I.

Hate.

Fleas.

I don’t actually know that this guy is from Hunt Valley, but he sure does drive like he is.

Motha’fucker.

I mean, c’mon, he’s in the left-turn-lane, but DO YOU SEE a turn signal? NO!

Don’t worry — I’m writing this just after midnight. By the time the poison begins filling my apartment, my cats and I shall have vacated. Enjoy a sampling of possibly the best web site ever (aside, of course, for this one):

Star Trek Inspirational Posters.

Rocks.

HT: Wombat.

That’s for “Fumigation Day.”

Today.

The cats now know something is going on. Their carriers are open and ready for action in the living room.

All air vents are closed. I’ve got a towel on the floor by the front door to jam underneath and prevent the escape of any of the deadly poison fog. Ventilating fans are in position.

The cleaning materials are gathered and readied. Windex, tilex, clorex, wood cleaner, a spray bottle of bleach and water, paper towels, trash-bags.

Closet doors and cabinets are open. Food is wrapped and secured. The dishwasher is loaded with a mix of dirty and clean dishes — doesn’t matter, once the fumigation begins, they’ll all have to be cleaned.

Four fumigation canisters are set — one each in the bedrooms, one in the dining room, one in the living room. They’re on stools or folding chairs, a covering of newspaper the only protection of those representations of my furniture.

The Combat List is prepared. I’ve divided my apartment into seven roughly arbitrary sections and ordered them as to my method of attack — Dining Room. Kitchen. Hall and Closets. Bathroom. Bedroom. Den. Living Room. I’ve assigned estimated times to each.

I’m out the door, by plan, at eight am. My first stop is the animal hospital for the cats’ overnight stay and washing. Second stop is for an oil change, then I’ll probably just bum around Target and Barnes & Noble until four hours has elapsed, at which point I have to return to my apartment to open windows and allow it to ventilate for half an hour.

I hope to begin cleaning by 12:30, and I’m estimating it will take me seven hours to complete.

Wish me luck.

I’m going to need it.