I’m so fucking ready for this Folklore mid on Tuesday.

Diffusionism? The theory that world-wide variants of faerie-tales have a common origin.

CG Yung? The theory that world-wide variants of faerie-tales are due to the ‘collective unconcious’.

In which of the 900 versions of Cinderella does she place magic fish bones under her bed? The earliest Cinderella known, the 9th century Chinese.

Who collected folk-tales in 1697, and what country did he live in, and what did he name his collection? Perrault, France, “Mother Goose Tales.”

In the jargon used by prisoners, what is a ‘penis‘ and what is it used for? A penis is a tool used to inject narcotics.

Basic characteristics of folklore? Anonymous; variants; informally (orally) transmitted; traditional.

Maryland has the largest commercial sailboat fleet in the US and the sailboats are known as … ? Skipjacks!

Who wrote Il Panterome (sp?), when, and where? Bastille, Italy, 1630′s.

Compare and contrast the characters Puss in Boots and Coyote. Both are intelligent, talking animals. Puss “exists” in a world shared with humans, and uses his cunning to assist his human ‘master.’ Coyote “exists” in a world shared only with other animals and uses his intelligence to achieve for himself.

Identify the faerytale: daughter marries ugly man for his wealth, then learns he’s a serial killer. Bluebeard!

What characteristic does Aesop’s Fables have, which no other faerytale has? A clearly defined morale.

… there will be motherfuckin’ snakes in my motherfuckin’ DVD player!

When the product announcement of the four-door Jeep Wrangler — new for ’07! — hit the airwaves, Gary vowed he wouldn’t touch it.

And if pigs had wings … I’d snark.

His smacked-to-shit ’04 Unlimited was enough for him, he claimed.

Bullshit, I said.

Besides, he’d say, I’m not all that particularly attached to Jeeps anyway.

Hah! And Jesus is a Klingon, I’d say.

Maybe I’ll get another pickup, he’d muse.

Remember how much you hated your old one? I’d remind him.

Until today, when he quite cheerfully announced that even if he had to sell one of his children for a downpayment, he’d be buying a brand-new, four-door, second-model-year ’08 Jeep Wrangler.

Told ya’ so, I grinned.

The question for homework was:

In many cities, some unemployed people wash the windshields of cars stopped at traffic lights and then ask to be paid. In Vancouver, police in plain clothes wash car windshields so that they can look into the cars and see if the people inside are wearing seatbelts. Those who aren’t are fined. Compare this to enforcing seatbelt laws by using surveillance cameras at traffic intersections. Discuss pros and cons of both methods, and indicate whether each benefit or disadvantage applies to both the high- and low-tech methods or only one of them.

My response:

In answering the homework question, I think it is important to identify my political beliefs to establish a groundwork for how I approach the question. I think it’s fair to say that an authoritarian pro-fascist Republican and a tree-hugging vegetarian liberal Democrat would have different viewpoints than the more main stream elements in society, and as at least a nominal sort-of-libertarian, I don’t know that my viewpoint is any more “in step” than theirs would be.

I don’t believe that driving an automobile is a ‘right’, which is to say that, in principle, I don’t have a big problem with people getting pulled over and ticketed for failing to wear their seat-belts. Unless I’m caught by them, I don’t have a problem with red-light traffic cameras or speed-traps, either. I believe that driving is a revokable privilege and as I’ve spent much of the last ten years driving in the greater DC/Baltimore area and suburbs, I think it is a privlige which should be revoked a lot more often. (“No turn signal usage? License revoked!”)

I’m not a fan of the approach taken by the Vancouver, BC Police Department. It isn’t that I think people should drive without their seatbelts – although, to a certain extent, I wish more people would because than they’d die when they wrecked their cars and I wouldn’t have to worry about them cutting me off or failing to lane change, etc. – it’s just that I think by approaching the cars the way they are, the VPD officers are doing far more than simply checking for seat-belts. It also is unnecessary for seat-belt enforcement: during a ride-along with the Baltimore County police department, I observed officers who were able to identify non-seatbelted drivers and passengers while driving. Approaching the vehicle on foot to make that determination was not necessary, which begs the question: ‘What other motives might the VPD have for making a close visual inspection of a vehicle stopped by a supposed window washer?’

Can a remote camera determine if there is a bag of marijuana on the passenger seat? A bong peaking out from under the seat? The whiff of alcohol on the driver’s mouth? I suppose these should be under the ‘pro’ sections – and as much as I’m in favor of dragging drunk drivers into the middle of the intersection and beating the shit out of them – these seem like concerns of privacy to me, so while increased detection of crimes might be a “pro” as far as the police are concerned, the reduction of privacy makes it a “con” to me.

I think it is possible I’ve wandered off the topic of the homework, so let me see if I can get back onto track.

Remote cameras can identify poor drivers and drivers failing to wear seatbelts. They can’t necessarily determine if the driver is operating under the influence of alcohol or illegal substances, or if the driver is transporting drugs illegally the way a police dog might if it was on the scene during the “window washing” crack-downs. Remote cameras protect a person’s privacy more than a police officer looking through your window – a remote camera might, by various programs, be able to determine if your driving is erratic, but it can’t determine if you’re acting “suspicious” the way a cop a foot away looking in your window can.

Long and short here:

The pros of the camera are twofold: police resources can be relocated to better protect the public; and the privacy concerns of the civilian (non-police) population can be protected. The pros of the police doing actual “seatbelt stings” are that they can determine if the driver is transporting anything illegal, engaging in illegal behavior, or acting suspiciously.

The cons of the police conducting these stings is that it is a violation of an individual’s privacy. What does it mean to “look suspicious”? I get nervous when I’ve been pulled over by the police. Does that make me suspicious to them? The cons of the camera is that in instances where it might in fact detect a drunk-driver, there is no way for the camera (or the computer system it is likely hooked into), to call up the police and get an immediate response.

For my money, if I have to choose, I’m pro-camera (providing it isn’t taking survey information and is only engaging in limited actions – non-seatbelt, running red lights) over such stings as the police are engaging in. I mean, c’mon, if the police stingers come up and wash my windshield and I’m wearing a seatbelt, and I pay them a buck, you can’t expect me not to believe I’m not putting that right into their pocket.

(admittedly, I’m more familiar with the US’s laws regarding searches and terms such as “plain sight”, so I’m not entirely certain if some of my pro and con list are applicable).

I tracked down my Prof this afternoon to apologize — again — for falling asleep last week. He told me not to worry about it, then told me he’d found my writing for the 3rd homework very funny — he’d laughed.

Not in a bad way I hope, I replied.

A student standing next to me said, Now you’ll laugh when you get your grade.

Which was an A.

Booyah.

I’m on the 2nd floor lounge of the 7800 York Rd. Building. When I say “lounge” I mean “open air area next to the staircase and across from the elevators filled with lounge chairs and a few tables.” I am one of three students here — we’re all on our laptops, and the kid across from me looks to have the same model Dell I do (XPS M140).

So these two girls come walking down the hall from the classrooms, and one of them has one of those dumbass loud as shit walkie-talkie phones, and she’s talking into it. And it’s annoying as fuck and why they’d allow one of those phones in an academic building is beyond my level of uncomprehension.

So the girl sitting to my right tapping away on her Apple looks up, calls to her, and then girl with the squak phone runs over and me and the other dude are like, “Bitch! Turn off your fucking annoying as fuck phone!”, but we don’t actually say it, we just get this homicidal look in our eyes.

Anyway.

So that’s why I need to go home and change my shirt.

I think I’m the only student at Towson who doesn’t own an iPod.

(And plan on keeping it that way, FYI).

I don’t get people who show up for class in pajamas and a hoodie …

… but with all of their makeup done and hair perfect.

Seriously. WTF.

I’m already planning to take a day off after finals to clean my apartment.

I haven’t cleaned since school started. I mean, y’know, yeah, the cat-box and stuff. But I’ve got clothes scattered all over, my couch is covered in junk mail, and I’ve got dry-goods from the supermarket that I’ve left out on the counter rather than stick in the cupboard. DVDs I’ve watched, instead of finding their way back to the shelves, remain stacked atop the DVD player and the tv unit. The hard-to-reach lightbulb in my bathroom exploded last week and I haven’t bothered to replace it yet.

My friend Lisa bought a place in Butcher’s Hill and e-mailed to ask when I was going to come down to visit. I told her with great confidence I would come down next Monday … then remembered that I have a study-group that night (first Folklore test the following day). I have no free time. Well, I have some free time. Just not very much, and it tends to come in short patches interupted by furious patches of studying.

I’d completely forgotten how much work it is being a full time employee and a full time student. Wait, scratch that: I probably never knew, given that I can’t ever remember being this devoted to my school work.

I’m going to start calling this place “my cave.”

Thankfully, the sink stopped overflowing, although I’m quite certain it had more to do with the plumbing taking mercy on me and less to do with anything my leasing company’s maintenance crew might have pretended to do.

Why is it when I have no fucking need to clip my toenails, I have a toenail clipper pretty much everywhere I look, yet when I need one, I can’t fucking find any of them?

Yesterday: Medicine cabinet? Check. Linen closet? Check. Night stand? Check. In with the DVDs? Check. On the bookshelf? Check. The other bookshelf? Check. Pantry? Check. Other-other bookshelf? Check.

Today: None to be fucking found.

So, if I don’t find one before I go to the supermarket tomorrow, I’ll be buying yet another. This one I’ll keep atop the DVD player. This one I will be able to find when I frakkin’ need it.

Some yahoo in the store was talking about this supposed “documentary” called Loose Change which apparently claims to be proof that 9/11 was a massive government conspiracy so that George W. Bush could have the biggest penis on the planet.

Or something.

Anyway, I love this rebutal the best.

One of the messages left at the scene of his death said: “To the real Doctor Who, a good friend to all, we will miss your smile and friendly banter, rest in peace.”

In Bromsgrove.

Some people are so motherfuckin’ stupid they wouldn’t recognize Common Sense if it walked up and kicked them in the fucking nuts.

From RTftLC:

Which of these two statements do you most closely agree with, and why?

1) America does the right thing because we are good.
2) America is good because we do the right thing.

Then go here and read Lee’s entire post.

About Moi.

Jeff has returned to Towson University to finally finish his bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing (and a minor in procrastination), and expects to graduate in the spring of 2007. Jeff is quite happy not to be taking any classes where he is older than the instructor.

Jeff, a three-year resident of Timonium, MD, lives in an expensive two-bedroom basement level apartment featuring a lovely sink which often overflows. Although he is perpetually single, Jeff shares hilarious misadventures with his felines, Guy and Tippy, who somehow never manage to get fed on time. When asked about the best features of living in Timonium, Jeff, who last lived in Cockeysville, replied that he was happy to no longer be writing ‘cock’ in any way shape or form on his outgoing mail, despite his firmly held belief that gay marriage is a fundamental human right.

Jeff is a registered member of a political party which is neither the Republican Party nor the Democratic Party. Jeff’s political views include a diverse range of viewpoints, and he is anti-death penalty, pro-choice, pro-gun, and pro-legalized drugs (even though he has only smoked weed once).

Jeff was raised Roman Catholic, but determined that describing himself thusly was stupid given his complete and total lack of faith. When questioned by those of a religious persuasion, Jeff will sometimes describe himself as ‘agnostic’ in an effort to get them to shut up. When questioned by his grandmother, Jeff is a rabidly enthusiastic Roman Catholic.

Although overweight and ugly, Jeff is a wonderful person with an amazing personality. Jeff spent six-months of his life building a large model of Hogwarts Castle out of Lego. After contemplating the benefits of his life upon completion of this project, Jeff realized he was a very geeky loser (and moving it around his apartment is a pain in his back, literally).

Jeff hates people who fail to use their turn signals and people who spell ‘loser’ with two o’s. Jeff sometimes wishes he had a rear-firing machine gun on his car (he really really really hates tailgaters), and often suffers from accute attacks of ‘road rage.’

Although Jeff will pretend on occasion to be a grammar snob, he has failed every grammar class he’s ever taken and has to bluff his way through conversations about the proper use of commas, apostrophies, and has absolutely no clue whatsofucking ever what an adjective is.

Despite this, Jeff is a really wonderful writer, who hates writing about himself in the third person. Jeff maintains an incredibly amazing blog — perhaps tooting his own horn to describe it as the best ever? — at Malnurtured Snay DOT Net. Jeff has also mostly memorized the first eighteen lines of Chaucer’s “General Prologue” and will attempt to recite them if you bribe him with a beer.

Jeff enjoys creating new words by combining popular swear words with other descriptive words which might or might not be adjectives. ‘Asstastic’ is a current favorite. (Sometimes, Jeff’s cursing ability lead him to believe he should have persued a career in the Navy).

Jeff is employed as a DELIVERATOR, but feels no particular need to elaborate further upon that, except that he clearly hates it or he wouldn’t be going back to school, now would he?

Jeff’s favorite bar is Dizzy Issie’s, located in Baltimore’s Remington neighborhood, but he only goes two or three times a year (because Jeff is a looser who loaths himself for spelling ‘loser’ wrong). Jeff is a fan of Cider and Bass Ale, and got drunk for the first time two days before his twenty-first birthday.

Jeff has an irrational fear of being photographed while not holding a beer bottle in front of his face. This paragraph is a complete lie and Jeff might just find an actual photo of himself to upload at some future point.

Jeff is a die-hard JEEP WRANGLER fan, even though he sold his three years ago. He hopes to buy another WRANGLER down the line, and is just crazy enough to take the doors off and the top down (even if it will be the middle of January).

Jeff’s typing technique is a bastardized version of ‘hunt and peck’, except he uses his middle fingers (asked, Jeff will remark that exercise of his middle fingers is neccessary for negotiating Hunt Valley traffic patterns). An observer of this typing technique remarked, ‘for typing with your middle fingers, you type hellaciously fast.’ 100 wpm, to be hellaciously precise.

Jeff has no idea how to work an iPOD (and wouldn’t buy one if he did) and thus enjoys nearly anything he listens to on JACK 102.7. Jeff thinks MUSE’s “KNIGHTS OF CYDONIA” is a badastic song, and hates MySpace users who have their music options set to play automatically.

Jeff loves Limewire and Winamp. Although Jeff is not gay, his favorite rendition of “Battle Hymn of the Republic” is Judy Garland’s.

Jeff would like to claim that his taste in movies is wide and varied between genres and subgenres, but really, when you analyze his taste, it is very simple: Jeff likes good movies.

Jeff won’t admit to dancing during the jukebox scene in SHAUN OF THE DEAD (but he does!), and also enjoys MASTER AND COMMANDER, the original STAR WARS trilogy, INDIANA JONES, and HIGHLANDER. Jeff also loved the recent John Sayle’s film SILVER CITY, and attended an opening-night screening of SNAKES ON A PLANE.

Jeff detested PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN DEAD MAN’S CHEST, and often wonders why perfectly good films need sequels. Jeff anticipates seeing the Michael Apted documentary “49-Up!” at The Charles Theater at some point this fall.

Jeff firmly believes that the release of TV shows on DVD is the best invention since sliced bread, even if his favorite foodstuff is actually skim milk. Current favorites include LOST, THE WIRE, and the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, and Jeff may or may not own the complete STAR TREK DEEP SPACE NINE on DVD.

Other favorite television programs of Jeff’s include (in no particular order, and certainly not alphabetical) such diverse choices as FUTURAMA, the classic STAR TREK, HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET, HIGHLANDER, DAVINCI’S INQUEST, HILL STREET BLUES, FIREFLY, THE SOPRANOS, and “the terror that quacks in the night”, DARKWING DUCK.

Jeff devours books like the Wampa Hoth monster devours lost Rebel scouts. Once a year he drives to IKEA to buy a bookshelf to house his rapidly expanding collection of deceased processed- woodland.

Select favorite books (“of all time”) include David Simon’s non-fiction “Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets”; John Irving’s “The Hotel New Hampshire” and “A Prayer for Owen Meaney”; Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22″; and William Manchester’s ill-cut-short epic biography of Winston Churchill, “The Last Lion.”

Jeff’s hero is Han Solo, but not wimpy Special Edition Han Solo who waits for Greedo to shoot first.

Jeff is a firm believer in the saying “brevity is the soul of wit”, but does not feel it pertains either to him or to his MySpace profile, which he has spent way too much time writing. If you’ve read this entire thing, Jeff probably thinks you’ve got too much time on your hands. If you’re thinking, “Oh yeah? Whoever wrote this has too much time on their hands!” you would be absolutely correct.

I like to think of myself as very pessimistic, but after seeing this documentary, I feel like I’ve previously been optimistic.

Speaking of which, in Eisenhower’s speech there is this line:

We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country.

Okay. WWI, WWII and Korea. But what’s the fourth war he’s talking about? I can’t figure it out!