Quite possibly my favorite David E. Kelley television show is coming to DVD February 2007.

The daily goings-on in the small town of Rome, Wisconsin are definite proof that real life is often stranger than fiction. From the murder of the Tin Man in “The Wizard of Oz” to a student who brings in a severed hand for show-and-tell and a menopausal woman who runs over her husband with a steamroller, Sheriff Jimmy Brock has seen it all. Indeed, behind the tidy picket fences of this quirky little town lie all the same problems and prejudices found in the big city, except in a small town everyone seems to know everyone else’s business - or thinks they do!

Now, if only Fox would get around to releasing the third season of Hill Street Blues …

The best dessert recipe ever? Yes.

Here it is. I usually double the recipe and use the flat rectangular
pan–9² x 13² . It’s from the Better Homes and Gardens Cook Book.
love, mom

APPLE BETTY
preheat oven to 375

4 cups sliced and pared tart apples
1/4 cup orange juice
1 cup sugar (I use 1/2 sugar and 1/2 splenda)
3/4 cups sifted all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup butter

1. Put prepared apples in buttered 9² pie plate and sprinkle with the orange
juice
2. Combine sugar, flour, spices and salt; cut in butter till mixture is
crumbly
3. Sprinkle mixture over the apples

Bake at 375 for 45 minutes or till apples are tender and topping is crisp.
Serve warm with milk. Makes 6 servings.

Love ya, Mom.

A coworker I don’t particularly like was pulled over twice within the last week — by the same cop — and given three tickets. The Franchise’s area has been stalked by police over the last few weeks or so. You might recall my tale of a near run-in two weeks ago. I don’t think I related what happened a week ago: speeding — only ten miles or so over the speed limit — I noticed a Crown Victoria gaining on me when I looked in my rear-view. I didn’t think anything of it until the car got right on my ass and I noticed a middle-aged bald white dude was driving it, it had long antennas, and light-boxes on the dash.

Cop.

Shit.

Fortunately, his lights didn’t come on. I made a left onto the street I was making my delivery to, and the police car continued on. He wasn’t responding to a call, though. He’d been running a speed trap and he’d wanted to make a point: I know you’re speeding, and you know I know, and I know you know I know, so watch it.

It’s been about a year since I got my first ticket — State Troopers on I-83 just above the city line. I went to court got “probation before judgement”, and actually have been pulled over once since then — a county officer nailed me for a burned out headlight a quarter-mile from my apartment. That, as a “repair order”, didn’t violate my PBJ. I don’t know exactly how many times I’ve been pulled over — ten? Maybe a dozen? I remember the first time I was pulled over — Ocean City Police Department during senior week. I got a warning. A streak which, excepting a handful of repair orders and a “failure to display registration” (I’d put it through the laundry), was ticket-free until November 25th of last year.

If dogs are man’s best friend, than cops are pizza guys’ best friends. I can remember working in Columbia after a high-profile robbery and shooting of a pair of drivers from another shops. The Howard County Police, who hung around the local gas station, made a point of insisting that if we felt like we wanted a police escort on a delivery, all we had to do was stop by and ask, and there’d be a marked cruiser following us to and from our stop. I’ve been pulled over at least three times while working, and each time — except for that “failure to display registration” citation — got off with a warning.

For a while, I seriously considered a career in law enforcement. Eventually, I decided I didn’t have the right temperment for the job — seriously, I think I’d be kicked off the force for bashing in the skulls of soccer-mommys who did Texas Stops — but I did learn a lot about what goes through a cop’s mind while perusing various internet bulletin boards and discussion websites. Did you know that when the average cop pulls you over, he’s already made the decision to ticket you or not? And that your attitude determines if he changes his mind?

Here’s what you should do if pulled over:

1. Put both of your hands on your steering wheel and keep them there until directed to roll down your window or get your license and registration. Traffic stops are the most dangerous part of a police-officer’s job. If you’re pulled over at night, turn on your interior light.

2. Be respectful. I can’t think of a better way to talk your way into a traffic ticket then saying, “Hey pig, what, no murderers to pull over?”

3. If a cop asks you, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”, remember, the best policy is honesty. If he’s got you on his radar doing eighty and you tell him “Uh … fifty? Maybe?” he’s going to think “Moron doesn’t even know how fast he was going. Bet he’ll pay more attention if I write him a huge ticket.”

The point is: when you make the cop’s job a pain-in-the-ass, he’s more likely to want to fuck you over. So, y’know, don’t be a dickhead.