Tonight, the third season finale of Battlestar Galactica airs on the Sci-Fi channel. Among other things (like the possible reveal of the five final Cylons), the fate of Gaius Baltar is almost sure to be decided. He’s on trial on charges of collaborating with the Cylons, and since enough evidence doesn’t exist to charge him with sabotauging Colonial defenses before the twelve colonies were nuked into non-existance, he’s being charged for his actions on New Caprica.

But is he guilty? Is he guilty of handing humanity over to the Cylons?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “no.”

Don’t get pissy with me! Sure, Baltar’s a slimy, duplicitious wanker, sure, no one’s going to cry if someone — like a bunch of Marines — lays a beat down on him.

Consider, though:

1. Why did Baltar provide the Cylons with access to the Defense Mainframe prior to the attack? It wasn’t because he wanted to see humanity wiped out, it was because - oh yeah - he was sleeping with that hot tall blonde chick who he thought was working for a defense contractor. If he’d ever done her doggy-style and noticed her glowing red spine — and then not altered Colonial security, yeah, well, then you might have a case.

2. As for denying involvement in the Cylon attack afterward — well, shit, wouldn’t you? Would you admit you helped kill billions of people because you wanted some tail? I’m guessing … no.

3. As for New Caprica … I guess you can debate the wisdom of settling down like Baltar ordered, but you could even consider that decision a referendrum from the vote that elected him president.

4. And once the Cylons showed up — sure, Baltar should’ve shown some fucking backbone, should’ve stood up to the Cylons, even if it got him thrown into jail or executed. But is cowardice a crime worth executing? For me, the question becomes, ‘would life on New Caprica have been any better or worse if the Cylons hadn’t had a figurehead president to rule through?’ I don’t think it would’ve been.

So, that’s my verdict on Baltar.

(Oh - although his role in the death of the Marine on Pegasus in “Resurrection Ship Pt. II” can possibly be defended by the inhuman treatment shown to that prisoner by that ship’s crew).

Yesterday, I accompanied Geisha to the Beer, Bourbon and Barbeque event at the 4-H building located on the Maryland State Fairgrounds in Timonium.

Let me boil this down to you in a nutshell: drunk rednecks with BBQ sauce drippling down their chins.

Roadsters: Great Onion Rings, so-so BBQ

After making this observation to Geisha, she chided me for my lack of brainpower: an event playing up beer, bourbon, and barbeque? Who exactly was this event supposed to be geared to? Duh!

The BB&BBQ was also WAAAAY overpriced. I had the “designated driver” entry — $10 just for admission. Geisha had the full-service entry — $20, a glass, and six “sample tickets” enabling her to enjoy six samples of beer, liquor, or those dinky little meat chunks in a tiny plastic souffle cup. Long story short, the event was waaay overpriced for what it offered.

“Oh, please pay us $20 so you can show up, get a silly little glass, have the equivilant of two glasses of beer, and get raped on the price of a meal if you choose to indulge on some barbeque.”

Here’s what $20 gets you - a silly little glass! (Held by the disembodied hand of Geisha)

Sure, the Kelly Bell Band might’ve been worth the entry cost to some people, but, personally, I can think of things I’d rather do with my time and money. Like, going to a bar with an Andrew Jackson and getting a good burger and a few beers and leaving a nice tip and still walking out with a few bucks in my pocket.

It wasn’t entirely a wasted event — I got a nice beer glass with a Natty Boh label (it’s in the dishwasher at the moment). Actually, I got two of them (they’re in the dishwasher, together).

(And don’t even get me started on the horrible fucking parking at the Fairgrounds — let’s just say a lot of people weren’t going to be able to move their vehicles because people parking behind them … and in front of them).