Spotted in my Towson University e-mail inbox:

Date: Fri, 27 Apr 2007 20:41:40 +0500
Fwd: Do you awnt a prosperous future? GET YOUR UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA!.msg
From: “(270) 818-7244 Lionel ” <174jermayne@km.ru>
To: < *******@towson.edu>
Subject: Fwd: Do you awnt a prosperous future? GET YOUR UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA!

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Two quick thoughts —

Perhaps sending these to university e-mail addresses is not the most effective use of the marketing tools under your command, Lionel. After all, this recipient is less than a month away from those “few letters.”

And, second, why don’t you hire a college graduate — y’know, of a real college? — to proof-read your e-mails? Sure, I make spelling mistakes on occasion, but I am fond of that question mark after your closing line. I think that’s very appropriate - would you really be thanking them later? Except perhaps for causing you to be laughed at everytime someone saw your resume?

With a two hour break between my afternoon and late-afternoon night classes, and tired of the food at the Brick, I said “why not?” and walked over to Bateman’s on the far end of campus. I had a burger and a Bass Ale, and, comfortably buzzed on one Bass (’cuz I’m a lightweight, you’re entitled to know), walked back across campus to Linthicum Hall. On my walk, I passed a student complaining on his cell phone about how some paperwork eff up was preventing him from graduating. In my buzzed state, I panicked, and quickly called the Graduation Office to confirm that I was, indeed, graduating.

“Well, I can’t tell you if you are graduating,” the woman said. “But we show you scheduled to graduate with no flags, so check with your department and advisor.”

So I stumbled into Dr. D’s office (he’s the Chair of the English Department) and made a quick inquiry. About five minutes later after he graciously went above-and-beyond the call of duty, he was able to confirm that, yes, indeed, so long as I do well enough on the final for History of the English Language, I’ll be on my way into The Real World (because as we all know, I’ve been living in The Fake World for so long).

Then I went to class, proceeded to play seven Tic-Tac-Toe games with the girl who sits next to me. An hour later and enough of that beer was still in me that I won zero, tied five, and flat out lost two.