In my apartment, that is. And in my car. And in the tiled bathroom, it’s just a cheap red-thing I got at Target and I can’t seem to get some random cat litter stones out of it. Wait. That’s a rug in the bathroom. Whatever, the rest of my apartment has a carpet.
Anywaaaaaay …
So Geisha called me up this afternoon to see how well I was doing with my “apartment cleaning agenda.” Apparently, some many individuals have contacted her to find out if my apartment is as messy and dirty as I describe it. It’s true: I’m a slob. There are piles of dirty clothes and dirty dishes, stacks of books and tipped-over-stacks of DVDs. Cat poop is stacked to the ceiling, and I usually just pee in whatever corner I happen to face when the urge strikes me. I, on occasion, just rip random mailings to pieces and scatter them about.
Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I do change the litter box on a regular basis, although I probably could’ve bought that Jeep Wrangler by now if I wasn’t spending $30 a month on cat litter and giant bags of cat food. Holy wallet drain, Batman — although the cats do seem to appreciate my efforts.
So, yes, my apartment is a mess. It’s less of a mess as I write this tonight, ten minutes from the dryer buzzing to announce the completion of my last load of laundry and then jumping into the shower to have dinner at Patrick’s with Geisha (no, we’re not dating, we’re just friends, really). Anyway, my apartment? Yep — it enjoys a natural state as a wreck. Stacks of books and mail and DVDs and dirty dishes and dirty laundry. I’ve got a weird slob/neat-freak thing going on, and they don’t always cooperate with each other.
Now, I realize that a lot of people’ll probably be quick to chide me for living in such a slovenly manner, but please consider that for the last year (well, since September at any rate), I’ve been both a full-time college student and managed a fifty-plus hour workweek. Generally, when I’ve had a few minutes to myself, cleaning my apartment hasn’t been my priority. My list, in certainly no order of importance, might theoretically include: Masturbation/Rapid Rotation of my Netflix Queue To Ensure Bang for my Buck/Internet Surfing/Studying/Reading for Class/Reading for Fun/Laundry/Stalking Classmates over MySpace and Technorati
Geisha was quick to chide me when she called for my tendancy to reward five minutes of cleaning with forty-five minutes of internet surfing. Well, while I made sure to find time for some internet surfing, I’m happy to report I made considerable progress. I washed all the dishes — including the cats’ food and water bowls — and put them away. I’ve done four loads of laundry. The living room is done, as is the kitchen, the bathroom, and the den. The bedroom still needs a vacuuming — which requires moving the futon so I can get to the carpet underneath it — and I’ve used the dining room as a “staging area” for anything that needs to be sorted, replaced, or a home found for. So, while I’m not finished cleaning my apartment, most of the work is done.
Dusting Hogwarts will, of course, require an entire day of dedicated service.
Let’s be clear here: for whatever unfortunate godforsaken reason, I am viewed as a kind of big sister to you and random anon. folks approach me and say things like…’Jesus Christ, Geisha. Reading M.Snay’s blog here and who the fuck would brag about being a pig?’…apparently, M.Snay does. Why? I have no clue.
Glad the place is clean, though. Don’t ever ask me to clean your place again cuse it aint happenin, babe. :)
PS: Glad to know that my hen pecking of you made headlines in your world…maybe you’ll listen to me for once! …expect more picking tonight at dinner. :)
Comment by american geisha — May 11, 2007 @ 7:04 pm
excuse me, but 5 minutes of cleaning definitely warrants 45 minutes of a break wether it’s reading, internet surfing, snoozing, etc, etc…
Comment by foam — May 11, 2007 @ 7:36 pm
Youa re a slob, but one with a good system of reward. Surfing does get on distracte dthough and my place certainly could use a “Monika before she discovered blogging”. But I try to keep it under control and so clean that if Mom hsould call and announce herslef iwthin an hour, I have enough time to make it spotless before greeting her at the door :)
Comment by Minka — May 11, 2007 @ 7:56 pm
I bet you ANY money my house is more of a tip than your flat is.
Comment by Vi — May 11, 2007 @ 8:34 pm
I’m STILL marveling the masterpiece that is Hogwarts..
Comment by The Stormin_Mormon — May 11, 2007 @ 11:21 pm
I just have to say that anybody who can build with leggos like that needs to spend time with his art and can’t be bothered with housework… It is only the sorry state of our culture that causes you to not be a household name and rich enough to hire a housekeeper.
Besides, I’d rather you blogged than cleaned your apartment, as I can see your blog and not your apartment.
Comment by Marilyn — May 12, 2007 @ 12:18 am
does it match the drapes?
Comment by tmz_99 — May 12, 2007 @ 9:18 am
Cleaning can be cathartic, but most of the time, it’s overrated. I’ve found that creative people tend to be sloppier than those who are not, generally speaking.
Sorry about the lack of shoes-in-machinery. I might have to come up something more subversive…just for you.
Comment by MissMeliss — May 12, 2007 @ 9:54 am
funny thing is, i know a women(used to be best friend) anyhoo… she was the worst slob i have ever seen. she literally had dog and cat poop all over the house because she was too lazy to clean it up. so every few months i would go over and scrape the hardened crap off the rug and then try to make the place look decent only to find it in the same shape it had been in just a few days. she was such an ungrateful bitch!
Comment by blancodeviosa — May 12, 2007 @ 10:23 am
Wait, you have a den, a living room, and a dining room? No wonder you work fifty hour weeks.
Very nice castle, though. Guess it needs a room of its own.
Comment by shelley — May 12, 2007 @ 10:23 am
My gf does most of the cleaning. I do have the litterbox duty, garbage, recycling, occasionally laundry, and looking cute and aloof on the couch. The last one is the hardest job of them all.
Comment by evil spock — May 12, 2007 @ 10:58 am
I’m so damn proud of ya!
Comment by sue — May 12, 2007 @ 11:00 am
for all your talk of how messy you are, you write about cleaning more than anyone I know! hehehe I was a slob until I got married… then I felt like I needed to be neat cuz I was someones wife… ya warped ik but its the truth! I kinda ‘played’ housewife and it stuck!
Oh and I think, if you had to write that you and Giesha arent dating, there is chemistry there and its a matter of time. Just my opinion big guy! I dont think men and women can be just friends because the sex/relationship thing ALWAYS rears its head for at least one of the people… now I do think you cannnnnnn agree to not act on those feelings if you choose… then its doable to be friends… ohhhh I feel a post brewing in my mind! lol*wink
Comment by kate — May 12, 2007 @ 11:35 am
My hubby is cleaning the house so that I might blog.
I highly recommend you marry Giesha, if only for that incredible perk.
Comment by WM — May 12, 2007 @ 12:21 pm
Death before housework!!!
Well maybe not death but coffee and a cigarette at the very least…… and whilst I’m doing that I may as well look at some blogs
Comment by cathy — May 12, 2007 @ 7:07 pm
I have a new litter box solution. I’m filling the kitchen with sand and buying a rake. I don’t use the kitchen for much, so I figure that it’s a good alternative use.
Comment by Mist 1 — May 12, 2007 @ 7:33 pm
Time enough for clenaing when you aren’t both a full-time student and full-time worker. As long as there aren’t vermin sharing the place with you, you’re fine. (Um, are there?)
Comment by CS — May 12, 2007 @ 9:33 pm
Excellent work, ol’ chap!
Comment by Juju — May 13, 2007 @ 12:57 am
Don’t dust it. Hogwarts is a GREY castle. It will just add to the effect.
Comment by Phishez — May 13, 2007 @ 5:46 am
1) I am jealous of your progress
2) I am also a slob, but need to rein it in because I have children (please don’t tell on me)
3) This is like a sitcom – WHEN are you and geisha getting together? It took my hubby only 2.5 years and a cross-country move to ask me out.
Comment by Hanmee — May 15, 2007 @ 11:57 am