You might think it’d be the perfect drink for me, but I assure you, pizza beer would, in fact, make me puke.

His pizza beer started as a brewing experiment. He added tomatoes, oregano, garlic and basil to one batch and called the result Mamma Mia Pizza Beer.

But do you ask for a pint or a slice?

What – no mozzarella cheese?

You Are a Ham Sandwich

You are quiet, understated, and a great comfort to all of your friends. Over time, you have proven yourself as loyal and steadfast. And you are by no means boring. You do well in any situation – from fancy to laid back. Your best friend: The Turkey Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

… my favorite sandwich is ham, but to be specific, it’s a ham sandwich with American cheese, mayo, mustard, a dab of jalapeano mustard, and perhaps a slice of lettuce. Served on the side? A pickle and chips. Mmmm mmmm mmmm.

HT: Violet.

A lot of the attempts at modeling Battlestar Galactica’s Mark II Colonial Viper that I see on Brickshelf are done in minifig-scale. As a result of that scale, the models almost all look clunky and, frankly, awful. Increasing the scale, however, seems to be what is needed to do the trick.

SnipofSmeg’s Brickshelf gallery has been updated with his attempt at modeling a Viper Mark II in scale with a Lego technic figure. I think he did an amazing job, even capturing the down-turn of the fighter’s nose, the open equipment panels on the body, and the ship’s sleek shape. If I have one complaint, or request, it’s that he redo the photos — they’re blurry and out of focus and don’t do his build justice.

After reading my post about Silent Bob, a lot of people asked “How is it possible he didn’t get fired?”

Hell, I’ve worked in pizza shops for eight years, and I’m still not sure what you have to do to get fired.

The truth is, even if you called a customer a “fucking worthless cunt bitch” and kicked him or her in the groin, slit their dog’s throat, lit their house on fire, and pooped on their car, the boss would probably still have to think for a few moments before (possibly) saying “Oh, fine, you’re fired.” He could as easily just say “No raise for you! Now, can you work tomorrow night?”

And even if he did fire you, as soon as you came back and begged forgiveness and admitted the evil errors of your ways, well, you’d get your old job, and your old hours, back.

The truth is that it’s hard to find good employees, and harder to find good delivery drivers. That’s why so many shops have to settle for average, mediocre, and crapalicious drivers. And while skill levels in customer service, map-reading, and motor vehicle operation are highly rated, the skill most valued by any pizza store owner or manager I’ve ever known is availability.

When my cell phone rings and I see the Indy’s or the Franchise’s phone number, I know almost immediately what is going to greet me when I respond: “Hey, are you available to work?”

I got one of those calls today. It was James at the Franchise. I was already working tonight, and told him I’d get back to him about Saturday night. Gary was coming back from Deep Creek today, but I know what’s going to happen to Choir Boy as soon as Gary gets to the schedule: his hours are going to be crossed off with a thick black magic marker and the words “FUCK YOU” are going to be written across his name.

I’m trying to remember when Choir Boy was first hired. It had to have been before Toothless. Only a few months ago, at most. I’ve only worked with him a few times. He keeps to himself a lot. He’s very feminine, and, frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone hold a mop so lovingly. He hasn’t been on the schedule much lately — a couple of weeks ago, an hour before he was supposed to start his shift, he called up and explained that he was going on vacation.

For two weeks.

With no notice.

Gary was completely unhappy, but what could he do? He made arrangements and the shifts got covered. Choir Boy returned from his vacation last Saturday night, and even stopped by the store to check his hours for this week. Then, this morning, he calls up James: “I’m going to choir practice.”

“You’re working in two hours!”

“I won’t be in. Oh, and, actually, I’m going somewhere with my church, so I won’t be in for two more weeks.”

I can just imagine James’ reaction. I can just imagine the reaction every single one of my coworkers at the Indy will have as this news reaches them: “What a worthless fucking toad shitbrain”, accompanied by a shudder, a groan, and an eye-roll.

But Gary’s not going to fire him.

He’s just not going to schedule him. For any hours. At all. Ever.

(Until he comes in and begs forgiveness and requests a second chance).