I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter books — all of them — in sequential order, to refresh myself prior to the release of the seventh and final book in the series next month. Last night, I worked 5-10 at the Indy and took my paperback copy of Goblet of Fire with me so I could start it (I finished Prisoner of Azkaban Monday). It was a slow night (I had seven runs) and I managed to get one hundred and twenty or so pages in.
So there I am, leaning against the front counter, reading the book, and in the background, Merv and Silent Bob have started a discussion about the merits of the Harry Potter series. “The first movie sucked,” Silent Bob said. “They keep breaking the rules and get rewarded at the end. What kind of message does that send?”
Yes: this same Silent Bob. These were the fragments of thoughts which entered my mind as I assembled my response in my brain:
1. Did you get fired for that time you lost track of time (drugged out of your skull) and woke up at a musical festival in the South an hour before you were supposed to be at work? And you couldn’t leave for home right away because a.) your keys had been stolen and you would’ve known about this sooner if you hadn’t been drugged out of your skull? And b.) you’d apparently, coked out of your mind, put your car up on concrete blocks and rolled the tires into a pond? (At least, that’s what I heard).
2. That time you went home with the customer’s pizza?
3. All that other shit you’ve done that you haven’t been fired for?
4. Because, really, it seems like you bend, break, and diddle the rules every chance you’ve get, and do I ever see you getting any punishment for it? I mean, working here might not be a reward, but it gets you enough cash so you can continue to be a coke-head.
However, before I could unleash my witty reply on his drug-numbed-and-adled brain, I-Chopped-My-Finger-Off-And-Don’t-Know-Why walked up front, heading out the door on a delivery. Seeing I was reading a book, he shouted “Hey, this isn’t a library! Why don’t you do some work?”
I hate ICMFOADKW. No, that’s not strong enough. I loathe ICMFOADKW. I loathe him more than anyone I’ve ever worked with — if you rolled Zebulon and Ogre into one person, tripled the level of their idiocy and retardness and mixed in a dash of Sloth, I would still prefer that person to ICMFOADKW. So, I abandoned my response to Silent Bob and shouted after ICMFOADKW: “Well no shit it isn’t a library — if it was a library I wouldn’t have had to bring a book with me, would I have? No, I could’ve fucking left it at home!”
Who the fuck is he to lecture someone about not doing work? Fuck, I had to do half his shit last night because he was fingering that ridiculous ring in his lip. I’m just hoping that Merv, who also dislikes ICMFOADKW (but who has a violent streak), goes through with his threat to “Rip that fucking thing off his face.”
“What, the ring?”
“Yeah, and his lips while I’m at it. Then I’m going to staple his fucking mouth shut.”
Just so long as I’m not around to mop up the blood.
Boy, I bet you thought this post was actually going to talk about Harry Potter, didn’t you?