The most popular inquiry at the Franchise lately is “Do you really keep a grandmother in your trunk?” After the second of these, I replied that, yes, in fact, I had kept a grandmother in my trunk, but she kept screeching at me to slow down and not take turns so fast that I’d thrown her into the Loch Raven after clubbing her skull in with the tire iron she kept bitching about (apologies: in the other version of the commercial, she says “that was close!” after the kid opens the trunk, then complains about being poked by the tire iron. He tells her to shut the fuck up because she’s a stinking whore and slams the trunk lid down).

I tried apologizing after the kid ran off sobbing, but at least he was too busy sobbing to ask for money back. Tip City!!!!!

(If you haven’t seen the Franchise’s parent company’s commercials, this post really won’t make sense).