Hah! I love this entry … how true, how true:
1) I will start off with something basic: customers getting bitchy with me. You people have to understand that I am being paid less than $7 an hour, and i really do not give any trace of a shit about you.
Please, when you call to place an order, make the first words out of your mouth “Hi” or “Hello”, do not fucking say “Yeah gimme blah blah blah”. And don’t bitch at me when I am not very pleasant with you after you start getting rude and unpleasant with me. I don’t give a shit if you are a “paying customer”, that money does not go to me, it goes to some multi-millionaire guy who lives like 50 miles away and won’t even notice it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am only rude with customers if they are rude with me first, and I don’t get rude enough that I could be fired.
and people, stop fucking acting as if God put me on this earth to fucking serve you! A please would be nice every once in a while! And a thank you would be even better! DO NOT just say “Yeah give me a large pepperoni and chessesticks, how much is that?”, because that will definitely not lead to a pleasant conversation for you.
ALSO, DO NOT BITCH BECAUSE OF HOW EXPENSIVE SOMETHING IS!! OMG I fucking hate that! First off, I do not set the fucking prices! I only work there and make your food! Second off, they are OUR pizzas, NOT YOURS! We can charge however much we damn well please!
Lastly, if we make a mistake, we will fix it! We will send you out a new pizza! That DOES NOT give you the right to get irate with me and cuss me out, because I WILL, and have before, hang the hell up on you. And don’t bother calling to ask to speak to the manager because I hung up on you, they will do the same exact thing.2) LISTEN TO THE RECORDING!!!!! OMG people do not call, press 0 to skip past the recording which tells you our specials and promotions, and ask “What kinda specials do you have?”. Because my response to this is, and always will be, “they were right on the recording.” Now, I am not an idiot, I know you will get mad and say in a rude voice, “Um, I wasn’t listening?,” or, “Um I skipped past that.” Um maybe you should actually listen to it next time? Thats the whole reason its there, so you don’t have to waste our time asking for the specials…
3) Please, know what you want to order before you call! There is nothing more annoying than when I have a full screen of shit to make, and the phone rings and the customer is like “Uhh I don’t know what I want yet give me a minute.” OMG well then why the fuck did you call??? Now I have to stand there like a moron on the phone waiting for you to figure out your order, and meanwhile I have a full screen of shit that is not being made!
4) When coming to pick up an order, please tell me that you are picking up an order, and be sure to say either “Hi”, or “Please” or “Thank you”, or any combination of the 3. Do not just say “Wilson.” when I ask if i can help you, and then say nothing when i thank you and wish you a good night. I am not in that place to bend the fuck over backwards for you, or make you happy. i am there to fucking make money to support myself and pay my car off. The fact that you are a paying customer really is not a valid reason for me to give a fuck about you if you can’t have the decency to give a fuck about me.
5) No we do not deliver to some place thats a half hour drive away, and that you claim is 5 minutes away. Get over it.
6) Yes we have a delivery charge of $1.50, yes you have to pay it if you get a delivery, no that does not mean you don’t have to tip the driver, as it does not go to the driver, it goes to the insurance company. Do not complain about our delivery charge, and ask why you have to pay it. I swear i get this at least twice a night. Why do you have to pay it you ask? BECAUSE WE JUST HAVE ONE. That is the only reason you need. Let me spell it out for you: The Bottom Line is, you don’t pay delivery charge, you don’t get delivery. Yes I have the ability to remove the delivery charge, and no I will not do so because you order me to (Please refer to last 3 sentences of #4) or because you claim it is “bullshit”.
7) It is really sad that I have to say this, but yes YOU MUST PAY TAX!!!! Do not complain to me that you have to pay tax on your pizza, I mean seriously, do I look like the fucking comptroller of Maryland? How fucking stupid can you be thinking you dont have to pay tax on a purchase you make in Maryland. You want tax free pizza, go to Delaware! Its right over there…
8) Just because we say your pizza should be there in about 45 minutes, DOES NOT mean it is at all necessary to call back exactly 45 minutes later and say “Where the hell is my pizza?”. We are not fucking superhumans, we can not predict exactly when it should arrive on your fucking doorstep. Also, you are not the only person on this damn planet! Drivers take multiple orders out at once, and rarely make special deliveries just for you, unless it is the only delivery we have. Please refer to last 3 sentences of #4 here also, as it applies with drivers as well. They are not out on the road to be your bitch, they are there to make money, and not tipping a driver because he took too long is highly unnecessary, as they are doing their best and going as fast as they can with traffic and everything.
I e-mailed the guy. I think I know what Papa John’s store he’s working at.