There was a marketing brochure lounging around on the office desk yesterday at work, with a note from Greg for Zebulon to read it. While, generally, I’ll go to just about any length to avoid reading marketing broc — um, “brainwashing” brochures — from the Franchise’s parent company, I was amused by the first page I flipped to, which stated that the company’s new official policy would be to have all drivers set their speed control three miles under the posted speed limit.

So, here’s what’s going to happen. Greg is going to remind me of the new policy, tell me not to exceed driving faster than three miles per hour under the posted speed limit, and then will yell at me when I don’t get back to the store fast enough and will threaten to cut my hours or staff more drivers to keep his service times consistent, because, suddenly, I’m not carrying the amount of business he needs me too. Meanwhile, he’ll keep telling me to “speed on my feet, not on the street.”

Or maybe this’ll be one of the many policies we pay lip service to, and then completely ignore. Because, 47mph on Jarrettsville Pike? That’s a recipe for a squashed Celica and a pancaked Snay.