Like, look, the Indiana Jones Trilogy? Awesome. The Quadwhatevergy? Not so much.
Look — I completely support the notion of more than three Indiana Jones films, I just wish Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford, hadn’t waited eighteen years to make number four, because, honestly, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull felt like the trio had forgotten how to make a fun Indy film.
So, this BBC interview I’m linking too, Shia LaBeof seems to indicate that Indiana Jones V is in the early stages, and … really? Because, guys, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was, y’know, bad. Do you really keep wanting to add bad films to Indy? Please, just stop.
It would’ve been one thing if you’d've kept doing them in the 1990s. We wouldn’t have this image of a geriatric old Indiana Jones swinging his whip like he wasn’t sixty-something. And don’t get me wrong, I was all thrillin’ to see that first trailer, where it’s like, yeah, Indy might be an old man, but he can still stick your ass from here to motherfucking there, goddammit!
(Random insert: And, when Spielberg and Lucas first started making these movies, Paramount wanted five or six. In fact, an early draft for one Indiana Jones film featured Jones returning to Shanghai and somehow tangling with the gangsters featured in the opening segment of Temple of Doom. But now, of course, the guy who played Lao Che is dead, and boo, because death = too bad, so sad, and The Return of Lao Che? Woulda been awesome!)
And then I saw the movie. Big disappointment. And I’m totally cool with the aliens-from-space-between-spaces concept, even though I think Indiana Jones is at best when capturing Earth-based religious mythology as its driving force behind its stories.
I just think a fifth movie is sort of pushing against what Indiana Jones is supposed to be — an archeologist James Bond, who is now settled with a wife and a kid? I mean, yeah, up to the settled part. And, like, a biological kid, not the “Oh, hey, you picked my pocket now you can be my sidekick and burn me with torches when I try to throw you into lava kid while under the influence of mind-controlling blood” kind, either, because, let’s face it, Short Round’s the motherfucking man, even when he’s ten.
So, here’s to Indiana Jones V: may you please not suck. And if Jonathan Ke Qwan can come back as Short Round? Please? Pretty pretty please? Is it really so much to ask? (I was really hoping for KotCS to end with LaBeouf picking up Indy’s fedora — when the door blows open? — and suddenly Short Round is standing there, having arrived for the wedding, and he says, “You call him Dr. Jones, I was his kid first!” and slugs him! Because Short Round > Mutt.
Via a tweet by @unsuckdcmetro (and you can follow me, if you want, [shamelessplug]@malnurturedsnay[/shamelessplug]), I learned of a cool application for the iPhone, which allows users to determine which car on the London Underground to travel on in order to be positioned quickly to their destination station’s exits:
TubeExits is for the serious tube rider. It tells you specifically what carriage to board to make sure you arrive directly opposite the relevant exit on your journey.
I know Liverpool Street — Tottenham Court Road. I know those exits. I know where to board and exit. But any other tube station in London? No.
@unsuckdcmetro commented: “This app could be seriously useful for WMATA, too.”
And I completely agree — but I have a caveat, and it is this: I have no idea how many cars the London trains run. I do know that Metro runs six and eight car trains, so the concept of telling them which car to be on is impractical, as the third car on an eight-car train will arrive on the platform in a different position than that of a six-car train. This assumes, of course, that the train is stopped properly (Metro runs 4-car trains? Really?).
So, obviously, the answer is to tell someone where on the platform to stand.
For example, I travel from Woodley Park to Grosvenor. I know that if I descend the escalator, and reverse myself once on the platform, that if I walk to the first pillar past the first bench I come to, that if I board the front of the car that stops right there, I will emerge from the train directly at the foot of the escalators at Grosvenor.
Obviously, this will never be perfect for a system that uses multiple-lengths cars, particularly when your destination are stations like Tenleytown or Farragut North, which have either escalator or elevators directly in the platform-ending walls. A direction to ‘stand at the very last bench at Grosvenor to emerge at the northern exit from Farragut North’ is going to be problematic if it’s a six-car train arriving on the platform.
This appeared on the break room wall sometime Sunday. It’s a layout of the Bookstore, showing the new shelf arrangements and section changes we’re going to have, beginning in the next few weeks. It in a very real way marks the end of the almost continuous re-shifting caused by the building’s renovation project, a renovation which left the store, for four or five months, with no windows and greatly reduced floor space on the main level.
This is no minor re-shelving, either. This is going to cause a lot of sweat and blood from the overnight crew and our opening staff: big bookshelves have to be moved and repositioned. Magazines will be located past the Information desk on the upper level, while Reference and Science books move downstairs, with Psychology and Religion coming up. Cooking stays where it is, but Romance is going where Self Help is now. The kids section will be nearly empty, as the Independent Reader shelves come out onto the floor proper, with Popular Fiction ringing them. Computers will shift back past Music, and Travel will be condensed to make room for History.
I’ve worked at the Bookstore for nearly fourteen months, and it had finally gotten to the point where no matter how obscure the section, I knew where it was — and we’ve got some obscure fuckin’ sections. And now I’ve got to relearn it all over again.
I know that at least some of the people who read this blog shop at the Bookstore I work at: although I work days in Bethesda, I see one or two of you every now and then, and let me warn you about what’s going to happen when all this shifting takes place:
I read The Time Traveler’s Wife about a year and a half ago, and it’s an incredible book. I’d initially hesitated to pick up a copy, despite all the great things I’d heard about it, largely because folks like Jennetic (now damn, there’s a blogger I miss) … well, it’s not that I don’t trust her opinion, it’s just that romance is not necessarily what I look for in a book?
(I mean … like I like romantic books, in the sense that The Princess Bride is a romantic story. With albinos, and six-fingered men, and giants, and Wallace Shawn, except that’s a lie because my favorite old Ferengi is in the movie, not the book. But let me just take this opportunity to say that if you’ve seen the movie and you’ve never read the book, you’re missing out. And if you’ve never seen the movie, seriously, why not? It’s a great fun movie with sword fights, giant rodents, mawwiages, and, dare I forget it? Perfect breasts. (Yes, there are perfect breasts in The Princess Bride, why are you still not adding it to your Netflix queue?))
Back to the subject matter — okay, so The Time Traveler’s Wife is getting the good old “let’s fuck up a perfectly good book by trying to cram it into a two hour movie” treatment — it hits theaters in August. Incidentally, and because I can’t seem to not interrupt myself, The Princess Bride is a great example of a great book being made into a great movie.
Anyway, so here’s the trailer to The Time Traveler’s Wife:
Having read the book, I was completely and utterly confused by its genre. I mean, there’s a whole lotta romance in it. Like, seriously, I was getting a fucking hard-on at points. Ew. On the other hand, there’s also time travel, which is totally sci-fi. This explains why at the Bookstore, we shelve it in Literature (but hurry, we only had like five copies left last I saw). Just on a side note — have you seen the covers of some Romance books? It’s a good thing we label the books what section they go in because the covers that have starships and vampires and guys with big guns really scream out to me to go into Sci-Fi, but half the time, nope, Romance. Because what’s more romantic than loving your conflicted vampire second-in-command after slaughtering the Warebeasts of Cyprus IIX with laser rifles, right?
Okay, back to the book. So, our main characters are Henry and Clare. Henry is afflicted with chrono-displacement disorder which tends to cause him to jump around in time, and due to the nature of how time travel works (in this, at least), Henry is “anchored” to Clare in a manner which made me initially uncomfortable, as what’s comfortable about a 40-year old man appearing buck naked in front of a 5-year old kid? Begin snark. Oh, nothing, nothing at all. End snark. Flash forward through the trials and tribulations as their relationship is really weird — Clare meets Henry first, as a kid, and he knows all this stuff about her because in the future they’re married. Then, when Henry first meets Clare, she knows all this stuff about him because his older self has been visiting her for years, but he has no idea who she is except she wants him in bed fast, and they’re doing the nasty and he’s like, “Wait a second, just because this is the first time I’ve had sex with her, this is clearly not the first time she’s had sex with me.” Disturbing! But cool!
Are you confused yet?, because I sure am.
I’m going to wrap this up, because, y’know, work. But if you’re looking for a great summer read, Audrey Niffenegger’s The Time Traveler’s Wife. Do it.
Futurama. Just when you think it’s dead, it’s not.
Futurama went off the air in 2003 with only 72 episodes, but it has found a new life in repeats (sound familiar), and later with four DVD movies. Comedy Central (owned by Viacom who also own Paramount) has found success running the repeats and DVD movies and they wanted more original content. Variety has confirmed the story from Collider, and added new details.
All of the original voice cast will be returning and the new episodes will begin airing on Comedy Central in mid-2010. The deal calls for 26 new episodes. 20th Century Fox also has the right to sell the episodes to a broadcast network (probably FOX), but they would still run on Comedy Central in repeats.
Carnevale … was charged with misdemeanor larceny for allegedly building his orange monster from materials pilfered from a construction site. According to an arrest warrant, Carnevale “destroyed three road blocking barrels by cutting and screwing them together to form a statue.”
Can you imagine seeing that thing as you’re driving home after a night out? I can see myself having the following conversation with myself:
Me: “Um, I don’t recall drinking much?”
Myself: “We had a beer. Four hours ago. You’re sober.”
Me: “Oh, good, because drunk driving = bad.”
Myself: “Yeah, sadly, it also means the giant orange barrel monster isn’t a figment of our imagination.”
I’m sure Iran has had more than two revolutions — it’s just, that contemporarily, there’s always been only one “Iranian revolution” people have spoken about. Until this weekend.
To make a long story short (if you don’t, y’know, watch the news): Iran underwent elections, and Ahmadinejad “won”, but his opponent, Mousavi, claims the election was stolen, and evidence seems to indicate that the election, indeed, was rigged, and that Ahmadinejad is the benefactor of a staged coup.
I have no idea if the Iranian in the photo above is dead or alive. There are many more similar disturbing photos, twitter feeds of police assaulting protesters, the government’s shuttering of the foreign press, and above all, the sense that people in Iran are risking more than their apathy to vote. I wish I could count that turn of phrase of one of mine, but it’s not: The Daily Dish has been covering the 2nd Iranian Revolution: go, read.
Just when I thought I knew where all the obscure sub-sections were, Corporate has finally approved funds for the “shifting team” (a bunch of big guys who fly in from HQ and literally just move big pieces of furniture) to come down and re-sort our store. A big map of the new arrangement is posted in our break room — sections like Religion, and Psychology are coming upstairs, magazines are moving past the Information desk, and all of the popular fiction — Romance, Sci-Fi, Mystery — is going along the walls. In other words, we’re all getting ready to have no idea where anything is anymore.
***
A customer complained about some neo-Nazi calling cards she came across in a World War II history book. Yep, in addition to the yuppies who use our art books as coasters, and the crazy homeless people who think we’re an FBI sting to catch them admitting to killing JFK (and the ones who bathe naked in our restroom, and hold conversations with chairs), and the customers who put their coffee cups on bookshelves, and the ones who leave a stack of magazines because they apparently confuse the Bookstore with their bedroom and the store’s employees with their mother (it’s not, we aren’t, clean up your own fucking mess), we now also have neo-Nazis in the store, putting their trash in our books. And where there are neo-Nazis …
***
When you’re yelling at me? And dropping books on the floor? Because you’re not happy with the options we have to order used books? And then you threaten never to shop here again if I can’t help you in a way you find more pleasing? I mean, first of all, I know you’re lying, because of course you’re going to come back, but you’re not exactly giving me any reason to help you. Because, the yelling? And the book dropping? Seriously, go shop elsewhere. You’re an adult acting like a five-year old. Can’t tell you how tiring that gets.
***
On a similar note — when you’re looking for a book that’s been out of print, or the publisher has pushed back the release of a title you really wanted, take it up with the publisher! Contrary to popular belief, the Bookstore does not publish the super-vast majority of anything we have! While we do have a (small) selection of “Classic” novels with a Bookstore-logo on them (and by “classic” I mean the copyright has expired), the fact is for each of those titles we have multiple other editions by multiple other publishers as well. Seriously, it’s like screaming at the bus driver that he’s late when there’s a five-car pileup on the road that he had to get around. What was he supposed to do? Drive through the wrecked cars and twisted bodies?
***
Lately, I find myself doing Merch products when I work. This is a big change from what I’m used to. See, at the Bookstore, there are basically two jobs the booksellers do: the first is direct customer interactions. Staffing the register, staffing the information desks, assisting customers, and recovering product back to the shelves. The second is merchandising — pulling titles from section for display tables and end-caps, shifting product, etcetra. It’s a nice change of pace.
***
We close very early on Sundays. It’s because of our location — the bulk of our business is done between 11am and 2pm Monday through Friday. So while I’m glad we have the book you were looking for, and you want to get it right now, the simple fact of the matter is that you’re in Montgomery County, and you can’t get here in five minutes, and we’re not staying open late for you. Sorry (no, I’m totally not).
It was one of those accidental “traditions”. When I moved into my second apartment — and my first without roomates! — I spent my first evening watching “Big Trouble on Little China” (which I’d just picked up on DVD) and eating General Tso’s. Two years later, when I moved to a larger place, I was able to pick up my keys the night before my actual “move”, and I lugged over my TV, a chair, and a coffee table and watched the same movie, with the same dinner.
And then, a year ago today, June 14th 2008 (in case dates make your head swim), I moved to Washington, DC. It was a very long day, and by the time I finally got back to my new home (after driving back to DC three times, and back to Baltimore twice), it was pushing midnight. I was too tired to watch a movie, and it would’ve been impossible anyway — my TV had broken during the move. I eventually bought a new one, but I never did get around to watching “Big Trouble in Little China” …
… until tonight.
If you’ve never seen Big Trouble on Little China, you don’t know what you’re missing: John Carpenter’s comedy/action about mystical Chinese characters trying to do their spiritual war while trying to keep sidekick Jack Burton safe from harm, despite his best efforts. I think my love for the movie is summed up on my LinkedIn page, where my ‘summary’ is a quote from the film.
There are a lot of people who hate Comcast in the DC area. Maybe this’ll be enough to make up for all the bad stuff?
FIRST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER ANNOUNCED
Washington, DC, June 10, 2009 – Comcast and the Trust for the National Mall announced today that they are joining forces with Time Warner’s HBO to bring back a cherished summertime tradition and ensure that Screen on the Green returns this summer to the National Mall. Their partnership will allow the event’s thousands of fans to continue to enjoy this unique experience: movies framed by the spectacular beauty of the Washington Monument and the U.S. Capitol Building and viewed from the National Mall.
Screen on the Green will be back on Monday evenings at sunset from July 20th – August 10th. Classic films will once again be shown on a giant 20? x 40? outdoor screen on The National Mall between 4th and 7th Streets. The screenings will remain free and open to the public.
This year’s opening night film will be the 1977 sci fi classic, “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Steven Spielberg takes us from Mexico to Mongolia, from India to Indiana to show that we earthlings are not alone. Richard Dreyfus portrays Roy Neary, who embarks on an obsessive quest for answers after witnessing a low-flying UFO. The complete line-up of this year’s movies will be announced in the coming weeks.
There was an article in yesterday’s Washington Examiner about Montgomery County beginning to install cameras on the dashboards of the county’s police cars. I think this can only be a good step, especially since, in the words of one of the people quoted, “[they] provide the most accurate depiction of what occurs.”
So, browsing my Google Reader, I came across a post from Foggy Dew about a Texas police officer who tasered a 72-year old woman.
Long story short: Kathryn Winkfein was speeding when she was pulled over, and issued a ticket. She refused to sign the ticket, and Deputy Chris Bieze told her she was going to be arrested. Winkfein was tasered while resisting arrest.
Later, Winkein told some local news stations that she’d been mistreated:
“I was not argumentative. I was not combative. Every bit of this is a lie.”
In response, the constable’s office released the dashboard video of the arrest, which shows Winkfein using vulgar language and daring Bieze to use his Taser. According to the time stamp on the dashboard video, it was at least seven minutes from when Bieze told the elderly woman to get out of her truck until he finally hit her with 50,000 volts of low-amperage electricity and she fell screaming to the ground.
The woman gets out of the truck and walks along the side of the road, close to the fog line separating the shoulder from the traffic lane.
“Give me the [expletive] thing and I’ll sign it,” she tells Bieze, but the officer has already told her she is being arrested. When Winkfein strays close to the traffic lane, the officer pushes her onto the shoulder.
“You’re gonna shove a 72-year-old woman?” Winkfein yells at him.
“If you don’t step back, you’re gonna be Tased,” Bieze says.
That’s when Winkfein said, “Go ahead. Tase me.”
Even then, Bieze did not use the Taser he had out and ready. He attempted to grab her, but Winkfein twisted away.
“Step back or you’re gonna be Tased, ma’am,” Bieze says again.
“I dare you,” she said.
Winkfein then decided she was leaving and tried to walk back to her truck.
“I’m getting back in my car,” she said.
“You’re gonna be Tased,” Bieze said, blocking her path.
“I’m getting back in my car,” she insists.
“No, ma’am,” he says.
That’s when he finally fired the Taser and Winkfein went down screaming.
Thank goodness for Bieze that his cruiser was equipped with a dash cam, or I’m sure a lot of people would be going after him for tasing this lady, who, and I’m astounded by her stupidity, who dared him to tase her.
Honestly, I don’t know what else Bieze could have done. Should he have put his hands on her? Maybe tackled her to the ground and put his knee on her head while he handcuffed her?
There’s a saying: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Y’know what? Here’s one to add: Don’t do the speeding if you can’t pay the ticket. And don’t dare a cop to tase you if you don’t want to be tased, especially when he’s trying to arrest you and you’re resisting. I know if I was a cop I’d rather tase someone then have to tackle them.
Modeled on Germany’s Lichtenstein Castle, I came across Castle Rockenstein while browsing Brickshelf this afternoon. As a fan of Lego, architecture, and castles, I fell head-over-heels in love. Check out all the cool detail!
An elderly woman was in the Bookstore last night trying to order a book for her grandson, who was thinking of adopting a dog. We were browsing the computer for suitable titles, when she seized on one. Have you ever had to explain to a geriatric woman why Woof! Perspectives into the Erotic Care & Training of the Human Dog is probably not the title she’s actually going to be interested in? For that matter, have you ever had to explain what “human dog” means? Because, really, when I say, “Oh, I think that’s a sex book,” and she says, “Tell me more!”, I just want to die.
(The publisher of said title? Boner Books. Classic.)
