And if I had the money to buy that pad, here’s how I’d decorate it (because I’d have to be rich as like, y’know, fuck, right? Rich as fuck? Yes?)
Gallery: Remember that scene in the 1989 Batman where some of Bruce Wayne’s guests are wandering through Wayne Manor and find that room full of suits of armor and old weapons? Totally this room. Artwork: I’m thinking along the lines of those paintings of dogs playing poker and cats driving cars. Totally put people off balance — laugh? Or cringe and run away?
The Dining Room: With a fireplace like that, I’m thinking a medieval theme: a long plank dining room table, with a bench and a mix of stools. A dark hardwood floor, perhaps carried over to the wall (or tile the walls in faux stone?). A mounted Maryland state flag (most awesomest flag in the 50 states). Along the wall: period (or replica) weaponry, shields, and pendants?
The Living Room: A pool table is an absolute necessity, and while the room’s size makes me loathe to do it, I think I’d have to put a television in — over the fireplace seems kind of tacky though. A piano? A bar? While I certainly want some comfortable seating arrangements (especially around the fireplace), I wanna be able to dance (or have enough room to pretend to be fighting over invisible attackers when the mood strikes). Hardwood for the win. Artwork: vintage movie posters?
The Library: A wall of built in shelves along the south and east walls, flanking the fireplace and running around the windows. A long table with lamps for reading, comfortable chairs and perhaps a couch or other lounge. The walls a warm red with brown trim. For artwork, I think I’d have to go with vintage promos: either for the books themselves, or perhaps those “reading is fun!” PSAs I remember from the library — I’d love a huge painting of “The Stray.”
Chamber No. 1: Did you know I once built a huge castle out of Lego? I did, but due to limited space, it had a footprint of only 64 by 64 pegs. Then it just went up seven feet. Pictures here. This room? Big enough I could do it on a massively awesome scale! A durable floor (linoleum?), a huge sturdy table, work benches and work tables and storage space.
Chamber No. 2: Den/computer room. A nice big oak desk (with like, seriously, four monitors for my PC) sitting out from the wall, although I’m not sure of the orientation: facing the windows, or with my back to the windows? A seating area around the fireplace. Warm and cozy. Andrew Wyeth on the walls. I mean, not his corpse, but his paintings. Not this desk.
Chamber No. 3: Media Room, without a doubt. A projector, perhaps? Along the east wall, with seating across the west side of the room. A media cabinet could be built against the north wall. Artwork? Totally easy, this one: posters of my favorite flicks, and, uh, this.
Chamber No. 4: Master Bedroom. Yeah, there are bigger rooms I can use, but all I want to put in there is a bed, a dresser or two, maybe a chair or something. When I have the space, I prefer a pretty spartan bedroom — no TV, no bookcases. Oh, a nightstand. I’ll have one of those, too. Hardwood floor is fine, but only if couple with a rug.
Servant’s Quarters: I don’t really see myself as a “servant” kind of guy, y’know? It’s one thing to hire a cleaning service to send over a maid once or twice a week (I’d totally do that!). I think these servant’s rooms could be cleaned up, maybe knock a wall down, turn them into some nice guest rooms. Yeah, it’s only big enough for a bed or two, but why do people obsess on doing things other than sleep in their bedrooms? (Er, and sex).
Butler & Second Man: Again with the servant stuff, nada! Stick a TV and a treadmill in one, and use the other for storage or as an additional guest room, although that weird bathroom arrangement is … weird. Maybe rip that bathroom out, turn it into one larger exercise room.
Family Room: I’m picturing something cozy and very informal where I’ll wind up watching horror movies late at night and imagining that my huge apartment is filled with murderous assassins waiting to kill me or disembowel me or something, so a comfy couch will be important so I can just fall asleep without having to make the long way to the bedroom. Also, a gun cabinet. Because I’m irrational like that.
Kitchen: Yeah, at this point, I don’t know what to say. Nice? Modern? Comfy? That’s a huge space for a kitchen, and really, most of what cooking I do involves a George Foreman grill.