Working retail, especially during Christmas season, has its downsides.
On the other hand, working retail, especially during Christmas season, has its upsides, too.
Like, for example, my employee discount. Like, to be more specific, the additional discount we receive during Borders’ annual Employee Appreciation event, where for three days, our discount increases from 33% on just-about-but-not-quite-everything to 40% on pretty-much-everything.
This is how I was able to make $377.58 worth of Christmas shopping only impact my wallet to the tune of $226.55. And I had everything wrapped and under the (small & fake) tree only a few hours later.
This is also why I only have $80 combined in my checking account and wallet until next Friday.
Seriously — even if you don’t like Christmas music — this is an awesome and amazing CD, and this video is just ridiculous and crazy. The song itself is like a crazy rock polka, and those in the DC area especially should appreciate the renamed reindeer.
Last night, I left the Bookstore at about 9:30pm. I walked with a coworker in the direction of Farragut North, from where he would board the 42 bus in the direction of his domicile, and from where I would board the Metro to mine (the next L2 was an hour away — no thanks). We said goodbye to each other at the southwest corner of the intersection of L Street and Connecticut Avenue, and I turned right and made my way onto the escalator to the station’s central mezzanine.
There was a woman just ahead of me, with a suitcase to her left. Although I usually walk down the escalators, I wasn’t in a particular rush: I’d checked my Next Train iPhone app and knew I had a ten minute wait.
Halfway down, I became aware of someone rapidly descending the escalator behind me. I half turned and saw a well dressed gentleman hurrying down the steps. Now, you may not be familiar with Farragut North, but it has some of the shortest escalators in the entire system. The one I was one can’t be longer than the average shopping mall-sized version.
He passed me, and barked at the woman, “MOVE!” This, by the way, was so close to the actual end of the escalator that she had already started walking forward. He dashed past her, and I gave the woman a “What a jerk” smile, and followed him.
The bank of fare gates on the mezzanine level are divided by an octagonal manager’s booth. Of the nearest half bank, only one was an in-gate, and lo’ and behold, the well dressed gentleman was standing in front of it, fumbling to get his wallet open.
And I couldn’t resist.
“MOVE!” I barked in the deepest, most aggressive voice I could manage.
And boy did he jump away from that fare gate.
“Thanks!” I smiled at him as I tapped my SmarTrip and passed through.
And after a long night at work, after an even longer day at my other job, there’s not much more I like doing than coming home, firing up the old* Xbox 360, and playing a quick round of some first-person shooter. Lately, that first person shooter is Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, which you may have heard of (even if you’re not a gamer) because it’s apparently fairly controversial.**
I don’t exactly know why FPS games need to have a plot, but this one does: a massacre in a Russian airport is framed on the American government. Russian forces retaliate by launching an invasion into the American east coast. The game follows two stories: in Story A., you play as an Army Ranger fighting invading forces first in suburban Virginia (hooray for destroying strip malls!), and then into Washington, D.C. (I just fought my way through the Commerce building last night). In Story B., you’re a member of a Special Forces squad trying to find evidence to tie a psychopath named Makarov to the airport massacre so that the war will end. One of the missions here involves breaking a prisoner out of an island prison, and those of you who’ve played the game might concur with me that the shower facility looks like it was based on the one in The Rock, yes?
As first person shooters go, the game itself is beautiful: I wouldn’t say that I’ve played a lot of FPS, but I’ve played enough: Castle Wolfenstein, GoldenEye, Counter-Strike, Rainbow Six, and most of the early Battlefield releases to know what I say. The graphics are gorgeous, the AI that controls your fellow soldiers is wonderfully smart and intelligent — so far, I’ve not encountered any soldiers sitting around doing nothing while enemy troops are advancing.
And there’s nothing, at the end of a long day — “No, I’m looking for a red book, but not this red book” — like spending twelve minutes dashing from house to house trying to avoid Russian armor while shooting enemy troopers out of apartment windows and fast food shops to really soothe the ‘Oh my god, now I remember why I hate working retail during Christmas time!’ nerves. And I guess that’s part of the reason for the controversy, isn’t it?
This transcribed bit from Fox & Friends had me rolling my eyes: it isn’t real. Call of Duty: MW2 is no more real than Risk, but when was the last time you saw a Fox commenter complain, “Risk allows an eight year old child to blitzkrieg across the world! He becomes Hitler! On a board game!”
Which is, I think, a bit ridiculous: I can’t think of a recent FPS shooter targeted at children. The line of argument is ridiculous: what, if you have a child in your house, you shouldn’t buy a copy of Watchmen because it’s rated R? I guess you shouldn’t stock any alcohol, either. And besides, even the US Army has gotten into the act, with America’s Army, a first person shooter designed and built to recruit and inform new soldiers.
Back to gameplay. Truthfully, however: I prefer non-linear shooters. I loved the Battlefield series for that reason — so long as you accomplished your mission (which was usually seizing all of the enemy outposts on a fairly large map), you didn’t have to worry about checkpoints or specific missions. Basically, you could just run around the map killing bad guys until the sun went down (there was a Battlefield: Vietnam map based on the Valkries scene from Apocalypse Now that I loved). That’s also a reason why I loved Counter-Strike: there was no ability to play a campaign, it was a multi-player only game — log onto a server (I played on a great one) and two teams of up to 22 people total battled each other out in missions to plant bombs, or rescue hostages. I adored the lone VIP protection map we had: as_oilrig.
*Old = by which I, in fact, mean “brand spanking new.” Had it for a week and a half.
**Because in one early level, you walk through an airport with a SAW machine gunning down civilians. That’s a pretty sick level, and not sick as in “Oh, awesome!” but sick as in “I feel like a horrible person for playing this level.” The option does exist to skip the level entirely, or to play it in a passive mode — following behind Makarov and his henchmen as they commit the murders, which not actually firing at anyone until Moscow’s version of a SWAT team arrives. And, yes, I have tried to shoot Makarov: he doesn’t die, he just clubs you to death with his rifle. Here’s a gameplay on YouTube if you’re curious.
Amber Tamblyn, who is probably best known for her title role on the show Joan of Arcadia, stopped in at Borders Monday night for a reading from her book of poetry, Bang Ditto. We use our GM’s office for a green room, and after the event, as Ms. Tamblyn was preparing to leave for the evening, she saw, hanging on the wall, a signed poster from our Joe the Plumber event earlier this year.
And she decided it needed a little something extra.
Aaaaand a close up:
So what we have, hanging in our GM’s office, is an event poster signed by Mr. The Plumber, and kissed by Ms. Tamblyn.
That’s gotta be worth money to somebody.
(And – for the record? The Tamblyn event was considerably better attended than the Joe event).
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
From: Nora Lynch
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Happy Hour
So, I’m thinking a happy hour not this Friday but the next one (11th) so that Jordan can actually show up to one.
I don’t know a lot of the new people and don’t really feel like learning names, and I’m basically lazy, so feel free to forward this around.
We will probably do the usual place but I’m always down for a change of scene.
From: Brendan Schwitzel
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Happy Hour
To set the tone of how you guys plan for a ‘2 beer, 2 hour’ happy hour event, I’d like to tentatively set a may 14th happy hour date in 2010.
Rsvp cards will go out roughly in the 3rd quarter of march, please make the necessary arrangements. I hope everyone can attend, I know its tough drinking a couple brews after an 8 hour day, but I think this gives us plenty of time to plan accordingly.
With Best Regards,
Brendan “Action” Schwitzel
From: Nora Lynch
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Happy Hour
Yeah, I can’t go…massive orgy planned.
From: Greg Heinzt
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
Nora that got cancelled and rescheduled for tonight.
From: Kei Hsoui
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
People plan orgies? Don’t those just…happen?
From: Danielle Bovai
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
So that’s why it’s not on my outlook….
::Taking the hint
From: Kristin Bromstrong
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
You guys scare me.
From: Nora Lynch
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
don’t be scared … we have candy …
From: Rochelle Morris
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
From: Fred Hobbes
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
From: Danielle Bovai
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
From: Josh Hudson
To: Not Quite Everyone
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Happy Hour
You know, I really did plan on coming to happy hour. But after that series of emails I’m going to go ahead and say I’m busy.
As for me? I’ll likely skip it: there’ll be a whole other bunch of freaks here:
A day after I write about Borders’ woes, I was perusing some DC blogs when I found a link to dc agenda about the upcoming closure of Lambda Rising, a bookstore which has focused on LGBT customers since 1974.
There’s good news from this, though*: unlike Olsson’s, Lamba Rising is closing due to the retirement of its owners:
Deacon Maccubbin, 66, the store’s founder and co-owner, told D.C. Agenda in an exclusive interview that he plans to retire soon and that he and co-owner Jim Bennett, his domestic partner of 32 years, decided they would rather close the stores than sell them to a new owner who might change their focus and mission.
“The phrase ‘mission accomplished’ has gotten a bad rap in recent years but in this case, it certainly applies,”Maccubbinsaid.
“Today, 35 years later, nearly every general bookstore carries GLBT books, often featuring them in special sections**,” he said.
I’m kind of surprised that Maccubbins and Bennett can’t find a person or group willing to buy Lambda Rising and keep on with their founding vision — perhaps a small board of chairpeople could be established to ensure it remains focused on LGBT customers (or, maybe not).
On a personal note, I have never ventured into Lambda Rising. That’s kind of understandable, since I am not part of the store’s target audience, but it’s also too bad, because it is clearly one of those establishments that is truly connected to the community. On the nights I walk home from Borders, it’s rare not to see a large crowd both in the store, and on the sidewalk, talking, laughing, and enjoying each others’ company. I’m going to have to make a point to stop in at some point, just to say I was there.
*I mean, I think in this day and age, when a bookstore is going out of business because the owners want to retire, and not because they can’t meet their payroll or pay their rent, that’s a good thing, y’know? Maybe not a good thing, but it’s certainly better than the alternative. So it’s a better thing. At the very least, it’s the reason why bookstores should go out of business: “Because I’m retiring!”
**At Borders, we do have a gay interest section: it’s divided into Gay Literature, and Lesbian Fiction, and I’ve often wondered what that implies about the reading habits of those groups (and also, does this mean ‘gay’ exclusively means a homosexual man? I thought it was used gender non-specifically). Admittedly, it’s not a very large section — about one and a half or two bookcases total, I think.
I suppose it’s sort of an open secret what chain The Bookstore is, especially when there’s a photo of me standing in front of a Borders sign.
Here’s an article from this week’s Publisher’s Weekly about the financial state of Borders:
Chairman Ron Marshall called results in the quarter “difficult and disappointing” which he attributed to higher costs than expected in preparing the stores for the holidays as well as lower than expected sales from promotional programs. Average ticket transaction was down in the period at both the superstores and Walden. Still, Marshall said that with the exception of some pockets on the West Coast he is pleased with the conditions of the stores at the beginning of the holiday season. The retailer’s in-stock position is “much better” than a year ago, Marshall said and inventories in the core book group will be up between 4% to 7%.
So in the face of this, Corporate Leadership made the logical conclusion: they cut payroll at every store.
(Logical? It’s retarded).
As you might guess, payroll is the amount of budget the Bookstore has to staff employees. This actually has less to do with the individual wage a Bookseller, Barista, or Cashier makes, and more to do with the number or staffing hours the Bookstore is allowed to schedule people. So, for example, it’s not a matter of “we only have $9,000 to spend this week on employee pay”, but “we can only schedule 1,000 hours.”
What does this mean for you? Well, basically what it means is that if you need help finding a book? Good luck. Because with the Christmas season upon us, every single available employee is at the register bank.
Let me run down minimum staffing for the store that I work at, which is a two-level superstore.
On the main level, there are three stations that need a minimum of one employee each: the Main Information Desk, the Register Bank/Cashwrap, and the Cafe. On the lower level, you need a minimum of one employee at the Music Information Desk (misnomer: station is responsible for all information requests for that floor). Throw in a manager, and on paper, it’s possible to staff the store with five people.
Yeah. Sure. We’ve got a 35,000 square feet store and during a typical weekday our sales top $25,000. But this isn’t “typical” season: this is Christmas season, where for retail, even if it’s slower than normal, or slower than expected, it’s still pretty damned busy.
Who cuts staff during the busiest retail season of the damn year?
Oh, right, Borders. (You’d think I’d know that since this was the whole point of the post).
Ideally, here is how the store should be minimally staffed:
On the lower level, at least two employees: one in the Kid’s section, who can handle all requests from the stairs to the front of the store on that level, the other who can handle all requests for the Media Sections, as well as anything from the stairs to the back of the store. On the upper level, at least three employees stationed at the Registers, two at Information, two at the Cafe, and at least one (preferably two) assigned to Recovery (which means that pile of magazines you took off the racks to read and then just left on a chair because you’re inconsiderate like that? People on Recovery are the ones who’ll act like your mommy and put them back).
This staffing arrangement allows for flexibility: if it’s slow, Register staff can be pulled to assist at Information or with Recovery. If it’s busy, the staffer at Kids, or the Recovery staffers, or the second person at Main Info, can be sent to assist at the Registers while still maintaining an employee at each station.
Instead, Thursday night (the last weeknight I worked), Main Information was not staffed at all, because the person who was supposed to be there was needed at the Registers. There was no one working Recovery, and as Corporate has limited our hours to such a degree, we can’t stay past closing to get it all re-shelved (because all those half hours add up real quick), and our night crews’ hours have been cut, so with a flood of new product coming in every business day, we’ve got half the people to try to get it put out on the floor: so quite soon, if you’re looking for a book and it’s not on the shelf but the computer says it is in the store, an employee will point at a library cart or two behind Info, which is piled haphazardly high with books, and say, “It might be in there, somewhere.”
And if it’s not there, it’s in a box somewhere in the backroom. Good luck finding someone to check for that book you absolutely need at the last moment.
Last week, Ralph Nader made an appearance at The Bookstore to promote his new book: Only The Super-Rich Can Save Us, in which Warren Buffet organizes the sixteen other wealthiest people in the world to put their assorted riches into saving the planet. During his talk, he described it as a sort of “anti-Ayn Rand.”
I was assigned to “work” the event — what this usually means is standing on the perimeter of the seating (which, for the event, was standing room only), and when the speaking is over, helping the line of people waiting for their books to be signed move quickly. I got to do other “fun” stuff, too: like getting Mr. Nader & his assistant coffees when they arrived, and then walking them out after everything.
The night was pretty hectic — our elevator is out of commission, and an older woman almost fell down the stairs. Our regional marketing manager caught her, and after the event, one of our service managers took a whole bunch of people back to the main level via the building’s service elevator. Another woman, who apparently missed our repeated pre-event announcements to buy the book before hand was furious that we didn’t have a register downstairs.
(Funny story: we do, in fact, have a register downstairs, but it’s almost never got a till in it, and very few people actually know it’s there. As the line died down, I rang a few people up there.)
Going back to the event, though, there’s one thing Nader said that really stuck with me. A member of the audience made a comment about the laziness and apathy of civil servants, and Nader held up his hand and (obviously, I’m paraphrasing): “As a consumer advocate, I’ve worked with a lot of civil servants, and I can tell you that most of them are very knowledgeable and passionate about their jobs, when provided with leadership. But the situation is that most of their management are just so awful that they lose all faith, and they’re just showing up putting in their time until they retire.”
I think that resonates beyond just government jobs — I think it’s true of any job. When you’ve got inane, stupid management, the rank-and-file stop giving a hoot and just start being a warm body in the office or the bookstore or wherever. Clue in, management. Empower your employees.
Introducing our barista to Mr. Nader after the event, I called him “Ralph”, and he later thanked me by name, and I realized: hey, I’m on a first name basis with Ralph Nader.
Anyway, so here we are:
I don’t know why I’m not smiling. I thought I was, but it was a very long night. I’m not surprised he wasn’t, he seemed pretty tuckered out. And, yes, I did buy a copy of his book. He signed and personalized it:
Taking a cue from the busty Lusty Reader, I’m going to begin documenting my monthly readings. Okay, I don’t top her nineteen books this month … on the other hand, I work two jobs.
The Italian Secretary by Caleb Carr The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris A Talent for War by Jack McDevitt Polaris by Jack McDevitt Seeker by Jack McDevitt The Devil’s Eye by Jack McDevitt The Man Who Loved Books Too Much by Allison Hoover Barlett Time Travelers Never Die by Jack McDevitt It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Zombies by Michael P. Spradlin Under The Dome by Stephen King
I was already well into The Italian Secretary when Halloween rolled into November 1st. I’d really like to be able to recommend this book: Carr previously wrote the excellent The Alienist. However, this struck me as very pedestrian. Not helping was the choice of font size. Remember that time you needed to get an extra two pages into a college essay so you increased your New York Times front from size 12 to 15? And double-spaced everything? This book has that effect, which is a.) good because you get through it quickly, but b.) bad because you spent $8 on a book that would’ve gone for $4 if the publisher hadn’t been a dick.
Continuing in my tradition of reading books that have been turned into famous movies, I went into Harris’s suspense classic, The Silence of the Lambs, and loved it. The movie stayed very true to the book, with some mostly minor differences. The book still scared me, even though I knew what was going to happen next.
This was my second time reading Jack McDevitt’s Alex Benedict series (begins with Talent of War, and currently ends with The Devil’s Eye, although the fifth in the series is set for publication November 2010) which follows the title character, sort of an Indiana Jones of the distant future, on his quest to uncover the truth behind his time’s mysteries — did Christopher Sims really die? What happened on the Polaris? Do the Margolians exist secretly within human society? Yeah, none of that means anything to you — go bring some neanderthal from 10,000 years ago and get him to watch Indiana Jones. He’s not going to know what the Lost Ark, or the Holy Grail is, either, but it won’t be any less entertaining.*
Like usual, my reading habits remain firmly entrenched in my preference of fiction, although I wasn’t expecting quite how science-fiction-y the month turned out to be. Sadly, coming off his amazing Alex Benedict series, Jack McDevitt didn’t score so well with Time Travelers Never Die, which was, to me, a real disappointment. The story was interesting enough, but it sort of seemed like a Bill & Ted take on time-travel, with none of the characters from the past really seeming like they were of the age. This really should’ve been retooled as a young adult novel, and I think it would’ve done well.
My brief forays into non-fiction were, in fact, very brief. I blogged earlier about It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Zombies, and I sure can sing Good King Wenceslas Tastes Great with the best (worst?) of them. I was lucky enough to snag an ARC of The Man Who Loved Books Too Much, and while anyone who is interested in a.) books, b.) collecting, c.) people who collect, d.) true-crime mysteries, e.) any combination of the above is sure to find it intriguing, it was a super quick read and probably not worth paying full price. If I drop $25 on a book, I want it to last more than two days (and we’re not talking about anything other than reading on the Metro, on the bus, and during my break between works).
I am down to the last fifty pages of Stephen King’s latest, Under The Dome, and while it’s a brick of a book, it’s a speedy read. Honestly, if they’d refrained from double-spacing the text, this easily would have been a four hundred pager. There was no need to waste all of this paper. A lot of people who’ve read the book compare it to his The Stand, but I actually felt more of a kinship with Needful Things, one of my favorite (and very underrated) King novels. I tried to describe this new book to a customer, and I finally settled on: “It feels like one of his 70s or early 80s books.” You know — back before he sucked (because, let’s be honest: most of the stuff he’s written in the last ten years has been blech).
*Well, I mean, of course it’ll be less entertaining: the stupid idiot won’t understand English and will just see a bunch of random moving images that he will no doubt presume to be evil witchcraftery and then impale you on a spear thinking you’re the devil, except that’s not right either because he’s predating Christianity by 8,000 years so no one has told him about the devil yet.
, and this video is just ridiculous and crazy. The song itself is like a crazy rock polka, and those in the DC area especially should appreciate the renamed reindeer. 
