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So, here’s the true story of how I spent my New Year’s Eve: I was sitting in the living room of my friends’ house in Bristol, Virginia, with them, and some friends of theirs: a married couple from Gaithersburg, and another friend who now lives in Nome, Alaska, and has a radio show. No, his name was not Chris Stevens.

Earlier in the day, everyone had been talking about drinking until 3am. But after a huge pot of chili and a rather fun outing to Bristol, Tennessee (which is literally the other side of Bristol’s Main Street) and a game of Apples to Apples, by the time it hit midnight, everyone said “Thank god!” and made their way to their hotels, guest rooms, or couches.

The point is: me staying up until midnight? Not something that happens a lot. Honestly, a lot of nights, by 10pm, if I’m not already in bed, I’m all “Oh my god, I gotta get me to bed.”

So the last time I saw either Jay Leno’s show (back when, y’know, it was at 11:30 and not this crap fest at 9:30 or whatever) or Conan O’Brien’s show was probably sometime prior to March 2008, when I started working this insanely early* in the morning schedule.

Anyway, so I don’t even know why I care … but Leno’s new time slot apparently hasn’t been the best greatest thing in the world that everyone (and by everyone, I mean Leno & NBC) was saying it was going to be.

So apparently they’re considering moving Leno back to 11:30.

Admittedly, Conan, I haven’t watched you since you’ve had The Tonight Show, but I thought you did pretty smack-dab neat-o on Late Night.

*Y’know — even on weekends I’m usually up before 6am? True. Story.

I was in Bristol, Virginia last week for New Year’s, and when I mentioned to a clerk at the Home Depot there where I lived, she asked what part of the government I worked for. When I told her I didn’t work for the government in any way, shape, or form, she looked at me like I had horns. “How is that possible?” I guess that’s just one of the misconceptions people have about the District of Columbia.

Here’s another one: the residents of DC don’t have representation in Congress. That’s actually not true, we do have a Congresswoman: Eleanor Holmes Norton. I met her once, she was at the Bookstore, and she bought a book, and we talked about parking at the Capitol building. But she can’t actually cast a vote, so for all intents and purposes, it’s almost like we don’t have her there at all.

Here’s a concept I like: it’s called State’s Rights, and initially, it was a way for states to buck the authority of the Federal government, originally in regards to all those darn anti-slavery and equal rights nonsense following the Civil War. Yes, I realize that’s a considerable oversimplification. But truth be told, I think the idea has limited merit (just not when applied to restricting people’s Civil liberties from them). At the same time, I think Washington, D.C. can be out of touch with some aspects of life in parts of the country far, far away — in other words, what works for Virginia isn’t necessarily going to be best for Alaska.

At the same time, what works for Ohio or Virginia isn’t necessarily best for D.C. itself.

On December 2nd, the DC Council voted to legalize same-sex marriage. Because DC is considered Federal property, the Congress has considerably more sway over what gets passed into law than in states — namely, a thirty-day legislative review day. (What that means is that Congress doesn’t have thirty days from December 2nd to intervene, it has the next thirty days it is in session to intervene).

And of course, intervene they are.

Several members of Congress, including two top Republican leaders, are asking to be heard in the court case involving same-sex marriages in the nation’s capital.

Two U.S. senators and 37 members of the House, including House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) and House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA), have signed onto an amicus brief asking D.C. Superior Court Judge Judith Macaluso to compel the District to hold a voter initiative on the issue.

“As members of the District’s ultimate legislative body, {We} are concerned about the extent of the District’s delegated legislative authority, the preservation of Congress’s constitutional authority, and the interpretation of home rule. {We} also support the right of the District electors to directly participate in the legislative process.”

The 37 members of the House who signed onto the brief include Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD) and Randy Forbes (R-VA).

Here’s a lesson to learn from this: Bishop Harry Jackson, and these signers of the brief, oppose same-sex marriage. I believe that marriage is a civil liberty, and I oppose their stance. I believe it flies in the very face of what “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” means. It’s not your happiness that everyone is obliged to pursue, Mr. Jackson, Mr. Boehner, et al, or even God’s happiness. As free members of society, each individual has the opportunity to pursue their own happiness, and if it offends someone else (as it has so clearly you), it is up to that person to deal with that in the manner that they so choose, but attempting to strip that liberty from them is beyond the pale.

To the Republicans in Congress: you guys are always bitching about Legislating from the bench. And yet, that’s exactly what you’re doing! The DC Council, elected by the citizens of the District of Columbia (hey, we’re up to 600,000 now!) followed the legislative process and voted. And because you don’t agree with the decision, you’re fighting it … via the courts.

Well, maybe you’ll even win. I’ll give you credit that so far you haven’t just stepped in and say “No way, no how!” Even if the courts grant your request, there’s still a chance a voting referendum will pass. Hopefully, to give you credit, you won’t then step in and say “No way, no how!”

But, look guys, I want you to picture something. I want you to picture two roughly horizontal lines, running mostly parallel to each other. They’re mostly straight, although there’s a distinct bump on the right hand side of the lower line. The two vertical lines, which connect these, are also bumpy: on the right hand side, there’s a pretty noticeable budge.

Know what I’m describing?

Iowa.

And Iowa’s why you fight is in vain: because if Iowa can pass gay marriage, heck, I guess it doesn’t really matter if DC gets it this spring or not. DC will get it. Every state in the Union, eventually, will get it.

Get it. Get gay marriage. But they’ll get it.

You know: it. That intangible: that pursuit of happiness.

Admittedly, I’m not entirely certain how the Producers Guide of America’s awards affect or mirror the Oscars, but I was pretty stunned to see Star Trek included in their list of nominees for Best Picture. Not that I don’t think it was a very good movie, because I loved it, but because as a life-long Trekker, it’s still kind of mind boggling to see such mainstream adoration for a Star Trek film.

I mean, really: the Onion had it pretty much dead-the-fuck-on:

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As ‘Fun, Watchable’

Also included on the PGA’s Best Picture was District 9 which I recently watched and should probably write a not-so-hot-to-trot post about later today …

December was not a good month for reading for me — (especially compared to November’s) — whether it was just the hectic end of year “wrap everything up” obsession at the Office, or the frantic insane craziness of working in a retail establishment in the weeks leading up to Christmas*, it just seems like I really dropped the ball in terms of quantity of reading. Fortunately, the final week of December proved to be a bit of a catch-up. Here’s what I read:

Shadows of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Night Over Water by Jack Follett
The Adventures of TinTin by Herge
How The States Got Their Shapes by Mark Stein

December marked my second attempt to read Shadows of the Wind, and while I fared better than my first attempt, I was unable to complete the book. By all rights, it’s a novel I should enjoy: it’s a mystery that centers heavily around books, and secret libraries, where a fictional villain becomes real; but while I pushed considerably further forward than I did on my first attempt, I finally gave up around 150 pages in. When you find that you have to force yourself to keep going into a book, it’s probably a sign just to give up.

I picked up Night Over Water for some light reading, based strongly on my appreciation for Pillars of the Earth, which I read in the fall of 2008. Night Over Water is no Pillars of the Earth, however, although it is a solid thriller, about a diverse cast of characters (many with sinister intent) winging their way to America on the eve of World War II.

The Adventures of TinTin, which I blogged about a week ago or so, is an (almost) complete collection of the graphic novels written and illustrated by Herge, really Georges Remi, a Belgian cartoonist. I was a fan of these as a kid, and I devoured all 21 in about five days. Some were mundane, some were amazing: all brought back fond memories. Don’t be too surprised if these make a repeat appearance on my January Booklist post.

Twice a year of so, the Bookstore gets a whole slew of remainders in stock, and we sell them fairly cheaply — $3.99 for paperbacks, $5.99 for hardbacks. There are usually books that publishers can’t get rid of — titles returned by other stores, etc. — so they’re desperate to be rid of them. I made some great finds in this batch, including Making The Corps by Thomas Ricks and Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman, but you’ll have to wait until next month to read my thoughts on them. My last December read was one of these finds: How The States Got Their Shapes, which is a remarkably quick history read about the various political wheelings and dealings which determined the state lines of all fifty (and DC). Here’s an interesting factoid: in every single border dispute in which it engaged, Maryland lost.

-@-

Hopefully this time next year, in addition to doing a December wrap-up, I’ll also be doing a Reading Recap of 2010. I’ve never really tracked what I’ve read in this manner before, so it’ll be interesting to see not only how many books I’ve read in that time span, but also how they can be broken down: will I read a lot of classics, contemporary fiction, or non-fiction?

My own goals for 2010 are both to read more non-fiction (history, especially); and to read the classics. I’ve got copies of 1984 and Brave New World ready to be torn into, and a whole stack of non-fiction (including Generation Kill, and Imperial Cruise) waiting in the wings.

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Finally, don’t forget to check out Literary Lollapalooza, and Lusty Reader, for other books you should be reading. Although, honestly, if you’re not a woman who reads lots of romance, maybe you should just skip Lusty’s.

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*Also could possibly have something to do with me watching Lost Season Five in its entirety over the course of a week.

Returning from Bristol on New Year’s Day, I was pretty much super elated to find my copy of Something Something Dark Side waiting in my mailbox. After a seven hour drive (which was great — no traffic, no cops!) and a grueling trip to a ridiculously packed IKEA*, I was excited to be able to relax** to Family Guy‘s spoof of The Empire Strikes Back.

And it was great. While I’m not (almost totally at all) a fan of Family Guy, I loved their Star Wars spoof, and the follow up was right on the money, a wonderful homage to the film. One of my favorite sequences parodied the Wampa — in this movie, replaced by Cookie Monster*** (with horns).

And then I came in to work today to find this image in my inbox from a colleague:

That seems a little, um, chilly for Hoth.

*How many people shop at IKEA at 5:30 on a Holiday Friday night? Apparently everyone. Place was fucking packed.

**When I say “relaxed”, what I mean was, “I put together an abstract Expedit bookshelf, then I redid my entire apartment to gain more shelf space and hide all those ugly wires.” But that’s a post for another day. And this, by the way, is why I refer to this new Expedit as “abstract”****. And this is what that wall of my apartment looks like:

I win at fitting lots of furniture into small spaces. WIN.

***You might recall that I once kidnapped (monnapped?) Cookie Monster.

****Since most Expedit shelves are simply squares of the same size in different arrangements — for example, this is a 2×2 Expedit, and this is a 5×5 Expedit — this new one is just squares and rectangles of differing sizes. So I call it “Abstract”, because I can’t figure out WTF else to call it. y’know?

PS: Do you remember my trouble putting together a 2×4 Expedit last spring? Well, this Abstract Expedit went together in about 15 minutes flat. Even for me, that’s fucking impressive.

“But I’m not buying food or beverages,” the guy said.

I was at the registers at the Bookstore, trying to explain to the fellow trying to buy a title that I was going to have to charge him five cents for the bag — did he really want one?

Effective January 1, 2010, all businesses in the District of Columbia that sell food or beverages are required to charge customers five cents for each plastic bag used. Because the Bookstore has a cafe, and sells food and beverages* must charge a nickle per bag, even on non food purchases.

I tried to explain this to the customer, he began arguing with me and asked to speak to a manager. I told him he’d have more luck taking the matter up with Mayor Fenty, or his Councilperson, but I called the manager over, and he listened to the gentleman’s argument, and then told him that he’d have to take the matter up with Mayor Fenty, because, duh, the situation was out of our hands. And could he be so bold as to suggest the customer had had six months to register his complaint with the Mayor’s Office?

“You are making me pay a tax!”** he said.

No, dumbass — we are not making you pay a tax, the DC Council and our Mayor are making you pay a tax, if you opt for a plastic bag.

He opted for no bag.

Personally: I’m not getting the big deal about paying five cents for a bag. It’s one thing if you’re legitimately super-low income, and those nickels add up fast. Me? I’ve got three tomato sauce jars on a shelf overflowing with coins. The last time I bothered to roll them, I had like $10 in nickels alone.

I have, in my linen closet, a whole slew of reusable bags, mostly from Giant. (They were giving free bags away this weekend, also). I’m usually good at carrying a couple of these with me at all times — they fold nicely into my messenger bag, and frankly, whether I choose to walk home from the store, or take a bus, the handles of these bags are far more comfortable than those on plastic bags. I need to make a mental note to be more careful to ensure I have a couple of these with me.

Left for LeDroit makes the point that a lot of people who will be paying the tax (the proceeds of which are to be used to clean up the Anacostia) don’t litter, c’mon people: those bags end up somewhere. At the Bookstore, in our backroom, is an entire pallet of boxes filled with those bags. If this tax encourages people to use reusable bags, or to carry their purchases in their messenger bags or backpacks or briefcases, we won’t have to order as many plastic bags. Forget how happy our inventory team will be, since they’ll have more room in the backroom, but imagine how much less gasoline is going to be used transporting those huge, heavy boxes of bags to our store in the first place.

I’m almost perfectly willing to scoff at people who complain about this tax*** — for a lot of middle class city residents, it won’t amount to much more than, what, twenty cents a day? This assumes, of course, that you go shopping every day.

And — people? While I’m sure some of you are going to be totally shocked and surprised that something that’s been talked about since June has now become law, please don’t take your anger out on retail employees. It’s like getting a Dear John letter in your mailbox and punching out the mailman. Makes no sense.

*I assume this means retailers like Best Buy also must charge five-cents, since I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a soda machine in their queue before. After writing this, I read Left for LeDroit and they indicate Best Buy is also charging the bag tax.

**And I agree — way back in like ’02, Robert Ehrlich became Governor of Maryland and I don’t really recall what happened with taxes during his administration, but I do remember that state fees — from places like MVA — just double and tripled. Through the fucking roof, man. This is a total tax. But this, at least, is a bit more of an optional tax than, say, registering your car.

***Excepting people who have low income and who scrimp and save and for whom that extra five cents really does impact their budget.