Back during what is now known as “Snowpocalypse I”, but was in December known as “The Great Snow Storm”, I was asked to make my way to the Bookstore on that cold, snowy Saturday, as many employees were snowed in. I was at the store for a little over an hour when Metro announced they were going to close their above-ground stations, and while we’d planned to close at 2, we shut the doors an hour ago.

Which did not sit well for one young woman, who’d walked all the way down from somewhere only to find us locking the doors. “I’m from Michigan!” she complained. “This is ridiculous!”

Ridiculous for Michigan, but not ridiculous for areas that do not routinely get massive snowstorms each winter. Last winter, ’08-’09, we had one snowfall. It began on a Sunday evening and the sun melted most of it by 4pm the following Monday. I can only imagine that poor woman slipping and sliding to and from work and her apartment, mumbling about how at least Michiganians know how to handle snow — I’ve heard quite a bit about the subject from folks at my Office job from Chicago. (Um, maybe you should move back to Chicago?)

So you can imagine how I just delighted in this article:

The forecast: a mighty winter blizzard sure to dump a record-setting blanket of snow that will grow from inches to feet overnight, just in time for rush hour.

When it happened this month in Washington, they called it “Snowpocalypse” and an overwhelmed city couldn’t keep its streets clear. When it happened last week in Chicago, they called it “Tuesday” and kept the blacktop black from first flakes to final drifts.

“I’d take my plow drivers and put them up against anyone in North America,” said Bobby Richardson, Chicago’s snow removal boss. “Ten inches, a foot of snow? That’s nothing for us. Nothing.”

…Richardson and his legendary snow-clearing legions argue that keeping a city moving during such a blizzard isn’t an insurmountable task. Should as much snow fall on Chicago as it did in Washington this month, more than 500 plows and 1,000 workers _ hardened by years of work in tough Midwestern winters _ are prepared to wipe it all away.

What can be measured is preparation. With an annual average snowfall of 38 inches, Chicago maintains a fleet of 300 trucks specifically designed for removing snow, 200 others that can be fitted with plow blades and budgeted $17 million for the work this winter. Washington, with an average of 19.4 inches of snow each year, has 200 trucks that can be fitted with blades and a snow budget of $6 million.

Cohen, the Roadway Safety Foundation chief, said Washington and other cities ill-prepared for snow should heed the lessons of this February winter and start preparing for the next Big One by building up that kind of snow-fighting force. But he doesn’t have faith it will happen: As voters, people might remember street-clearing failures, but as taxpayers, they tend to forget as soon as the snow melts.

“People say it should be done,” he said. “But then no one connects the dots that someone has to pay for it.”

One of my aforementioned Chicago coworkers and I left at the same time on Friday, and while we were waiting for the bus in pretty much the center of Rockledge Drive, he observed, “I’ve never seen a natural disaster shut a place down so effectively while not really destroying anything.” It was a pretty good observation: I mean, besides the collapse of a handful of roofs, and bare shelves at many grocery stores, there really hasn’t been any destruction as an actual result of the snowfall,* so I hadn’t really been thinking about it in those terms: a natural disaster.

And yet, don’t Snowpocalypse II and III qualify as a natural disaster? Wikipedia defines a natural disaster as:

“…the effect of a natural hazard (e.g. flood, tornado, volcano eruption, earthquake, or landslide) that affects the environment, and leads to financial, environmental and/or human losses. The resulting loss depends on the capacity of the population to support or resist the disaster, and their resilience. This understanding is concentrated in the formulation: “disasters occur when hazards meet vulnerability.” A natural hazard will hence never result in a natural disaster in areas without vulnerability, e.g. strong earthquakes in uninhabited areas. The term natural has consequently been disputed because the events simply are not hazards or disasters without human involvement.”

Well, let’s look in particular at that first sentence:

1. NATURAL HAZARD – Okay, snow is not specifically mentioned, but then, does it need to be? A hurricane isn’t mentioned either, but that’s what drowned New Orleans. Check!

2. THAT AFFECTS THE ENVIRONMENT – I think anyone stuck in last Friday’s hellish commute would agree that the snow has affected the environment; also anyone trying to walk on non-cleared sidewalks, drive on icy roads, or find food on shelves unstocked because the delivery trucks can’t park. Check!

3. FINANCIAL LOSSES – Due to Snowpocalypse II and III, the Bookstore closed early Friday the 5th, and was closed both Saturday and Sunday, opened for a few hours Monday and Tuesday, was closed Wednesday, and opened again for short hours that Thursday. Now, I don’t know off the top of my head what the Bookstore’s typical earnings over a week are, but it’s probably safe to say 90% of the store’s average revenue was lost. That doesn’t include the store’s employees who work on a full or part-time basis and are only paid if they actually work. Financial Losses? Big check.

4. ENVIRONMENTAL LOSSES – Baltimore took to dumping snow into the Inner Harbor, but in a televised interview with Adrian Fenty, DC’s mayor stated he was reluctant to do the same (dumping it into, say, the Anacostia), because he was worried about the environmental impact of some of the anti-snow measures (such as salt) being dumped in with the snow itself. And let’s not forget the damage to the Cherry Trees. CHECK!

5. HUMAN LOSSES – While I was unable to find any specific data on deaths due to these two storms, I’m sure it happened. Given that pedestrians are often still being forced to walk in the street, or to wait their for buses, because of uncleared stops and sidewalks, I think it’s safe to say people will die in the coming days as consequences of the storm and its lingering effects.

Okay, so basically, we’ve been hit by a natural disaster! Sort of puts things all into perspective when you’re pissed your commute is taking three times as long, or your car is still buried under ice. At least our city’s buildings haven’t collapsed all around us, like in Haiti. At least our city isn’t under water, making every building uninhabitable. For the most part, our lives have returned to normal: schools districts are reopening, we’re back to work, delivery trucks are filling the streets. Okay, we’re still slipping and sliding — at least we’re not being triaged in a tent because the hospital flooded and collapsed.

And maybe we could somehow convince Chicago to truck their dedicated snow plow fleet (twice as large as DC’s non dedicated plow fleet) down yonder to help us dig out. Otherwise, gosh, we’ll just have to wait a month or so until the weather warms up and removes what remains of our Natural Disaster.

*As a result of people driving like morons, property being hit by snow plows, etc, sure, but that’s a side effect of the snow.