Well, being bummed because I’ve been passed over for yet another in-office-promotion, yet elated because, hey, perfect time to look for a new job! And OMG it’s gorgeous out! And feeling jazzed from my workout earlier today, I wanted to do something nice for all of you.

So, from the creator of the The Brick Testament (y’know: the Bible, but in Lego*), I present BRAD: The Game:

Yeah, it’s pretty disturbing. And disgusting on multiple levels. But it’s also a heck of a lot of fun. Hey, where are your underpants?

You should check the Van.

*When I have children, this is absolutely how they’re going to learn the Bible, too.

When I tell people what time I leave for work in the morning, they think I’m crazy. I’m not. But since most weeknights I go to the Bookstore, and because I like to have some downtime between the two jobs, and because I like to travel on non-packed buses and trains, the mostly off-peak travel works for me: the trains and buses are less crowded between 5:45 and 6:30am, and the same between 3-3:45pm. Also, Metro usually doesn’t break down or have catastrophic fuck ups during those hours.

Key word: usually.

This morning, for whatever reason, I opted to vary my routine and walk to the Cleveland Park Metro (I usually go to Woodley Park). This would not have changed what happened today in any way: I was a few minutes early out the door, my train doesn’t arrive at Woodley Park until 5:54ish, and I was at Cleveland Park by that time.

I was at Cleveland Park to see a dark train on the Shady Grove side of the track. To hear a fairly ominous announcement. And then to see a train, enroute to Shady Grove, pull up on the Glenmont side of the track and unload all of its passengers.

I don’t know what happened: someone said a track malfunction, but the same person also said that was absolutely no service north of Cleveland Park. As in: none. At all. Zero. Adios. Goodbye.

So my mind started racing: well, shit, how the fuck am I going to get to work?

In retrospect, the answer should’ve been: train out to Silver Spring and hop on one of the J-buses out to Montgomery Mall.

Instead, my brain said: WALK!

So that’s what I did. At six in the morning. To Friendship Heights. Because even if there was no Metro service (and for the love of God, I could not get a straight answer from anyone, admittedly, the Metro employees I saw were running around like crazy, and for sure as shit the customers didn’t know), I know there are buses from Friendship Heights to Bethesda and Medical Center, and from there, I know what buses to take to get to work.

My total walk (starting from my apartment) was 3.2 miles (2.5 from Cleveland Park). While it was cool this morning, most of that walk was uphill. I was a sweaty, sticky mess by the time I got to the Metro station (around 7am). But you know what? That’s 2.5 miles I wouldn’t have walked if the Metro hadn’t had some fuck ups today.

Sure, there are negatives: for one thing, I got to work at 7:30 but still have to leave at 3pm, so I’m taking half an hour of PTO. Also, I exited Cleveland Park through the emergency gate, so while I remembered to tap myself OUT at Friendship Heights when I entered, I neglected to tap myself back IN (no station manager in sight). Thankfully, there was a station manager at Cleveland Park who let me exit through the emergency gate and all was well. I hopped on the bus, got to work, and everyone was like, “Where the hell have you been?”

And I was like, “Bitches, please.”

And then I filled out a form to use half an hour of vacation time. Because I am not — at all — staying past 3pm today.