My coursework will be finished by the end of the day, and I could not think of more fitting words than these by Meredith Minter:

And it came to pass,
Early in the Morning toward the last day of the semester.
There arose a great multitude smiting their books and wailing,
And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth,
For the day of judgment was at hand.

And they were sore afraid, for they had left undone
Those things which they ought to have done,
And they had done
Those things which they ought not to have done
And there was no help for it.

And there were many abiding in the dorm
Who had kept watch over their books by night,
But it availed them naught.

But some there were who rose peacefully,
For they had prepared themselves the way
And made straight paths of knowledge.
And these were known as the
Wise Burners of the Midnight Oil
And to others they were known as Curve Raisers.

And the multitude arose, and ate a hearty breakfast.
And they came to the appointed place
And their hearts were heavy within them,
And they had come to pass,
But some to pass out.

And some of them repented of their riotous living
And bemoaned their Fate,
But they had not a prayer.

And at the last there came among them
One known as the Professor; and they feared exceedingly.
He was of the diabolical smile
And passed papers among them and went away.
And many and varied were the answers that were given.
For some of his teachings had fallen upon fertile minds..
Others had fallen among the fallows.
While others had fallen flat.

And some there were who wrote for one hour; others for two;
But some turned away sorrowful, and many of these
Offered a little Bull
In hopes of pacifying the Professor.

And these were the ones who had not a prayer.
And when they finished, they gathered up their belongings
And went their way quietly, each in her own direction,
And vowing each unto herself in this manner:
“I shall not pass this way again.”

I am very grateful to Towson University for allowing me the opportunity to finish my degree. While it is impossible to name everyone I feel a debt of gratitude towards, I would like to take this opportunity to thank, and these in no particular order –

Dr. Amy Fink; my advisor and most-awesome adjunct professor lecturer, Prof. Jack Carneal; Dr. Jan Wilkotz; Dr. Evelyn Avery; Chair of the Department, Dr. Edwin Duncan (thank you for your help when I stumbled into your office half drunk and afraid I wasn’t graduating, you’ve been an awesome prof and I wish I’d been a better student); Dr. Jennifer Ballengee; Dr. George Hahn; Dr. Paul Douglas; Dr. John Mancini; Prof. Les Potter; Mary and the rest of the ladies at The Brickstreet Cafe; Dr. John Flynn, Joe Davis, and the staff at Linthicum 207; Cathy at the Graduation Office; the afternoon bartender at Bateman’s; Monica Lynch and Brenda, my Brickstreet bitches; Group H from Intro to Classic Myth (I stuffed my shirt with fake boobs for you people!!!); Ruth; Ashley, Jamie, Carrie, and the rednecks from History of the English Language; everyone who was, is now, or will ever be an English major or professor at Towson University.

I’d also like to thank the kind woman in Towson’s Academic Advising Center who I was required to meet with upon being readmitted. After taking a look at my not-so-hot records, she reassured me, “It’s too bad they don’t put wise heads on young bodies, right?” I wish I remembered your name. As I recall it was long and started with a ‘z.’ You made me feel welcome and that I had a great pair of semesters ahead of me - as a matter of fact, I’ve had a great year, and I want to thank you for starting me out on the right foot.

Mucho gracias to Anonymous Coworker, Broadsheet, and Zenchick for career assistance, including, but not limited to resume building and (hopefully soon) practice job interviews; to my blog readers and friends who have offered advice, guidance, experience, and support. In particular, I’d like to thank my platonic girlbest friend Geisha for forcing me to be sociable on occasion.

Most especially, thank you, Mom & Dad and Little Sis.

It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. Ten years ago (how long that was back then, how short now), when I graduated from Atholton High School, I walked across the stage at Merriweather Post to recieve my diploma. If you’d told me then that it would be a solid decade before I earned my college degree, well, I don’t quite know what I’d've said. Maybe, if I could travel back in time, and beat some sense into myself, this day would’ve come six years ago. But I can’t travel in time, can’t beat the crap out of myself, and I do have my whole future ahead of me.

On my To-Do-List For The Rest Of My Life:

Immediately: Get Drunk
This Summer: Get a Job (not involving pizza delivery)
Before Hell Freezes Over: Get a Girlfriend/Wife

See you in the future, people. First, I’m going to get myself DRUNK (and you’re welcome to come along).

And, finally, (with overdue apologies to Standing Cheese for stealing his “thing”): I like being a college graduate.