Politicians Upstaged by Other Vicious Dogs

DC is well known for the evil animals that live within its borders. They devour the average taxpayer and drag DC’s bueracracy into a slag. We call them “politicians”, and many of them have names: DeLay, Hastert, Bush, etcetra.

Well, another kind of predator, the kind the ranchers hate, have moved in. Or maybe were here all along: just really well hidden.

For several months, people had been seeing them among the trees, most often in the long light of dusk: lithe, clandestine creatures slinking over the hillsides that mark the city limits.

“I was driving up Oregon Avenue with my son, and somewhere about 7 in the evening, we both saw this dog-like mammal,” said Frank Buchholz, who lives in the Chevy Chase section of northwest Washington.

“We both said, ‘Coyote.’ ”

Buchholz questioned his assumption for days, until National Park Service ranger Ken Ferebee spotted a furry interloper Sept. 19 while conducting a nocturnal deer count in Rock Creek Park, a natural green valley that winds through Buchholz’s neighborhood.

“It was just out in some high grass under some oak trees, probably eating acorns,” Ferebee said. More sightings followed in October and November.

“We’re not sure how many we have at this point,” Ferebee said. “At least two, maybe four or five.”

Coyotes, the subject of folklore and the scourge of ranchers, have finally made their way into the nation’s capital.

But just to prove that the northeast of the US is indeed, the very best region of the nation, these aren’t no ordinary western Coyotes!

In Connecticut, researchers have caught males weighing close to 50 pounds.

The difference in size from their Western cousins has caused some scientists to question whether coyotes are forming a new subspecies in the East. Cold weather might have driven natural selection to favor bigger, better-insulated animals. Genetic evidence suggests that, as they migrated, they have bred with dogs and wolves, which could explain the extra pounds.

So, they could be a new, evil species: Wolfyotes!

Also: They often seem to have a real fondness for cats,” Montuori said. This is why when my cats go out to, y’know, eat little creatures, I stand on the porch with my shotgun to shoot any little kids who get too close.

Actually, I don’t have a porch. Or a shotgun. And for that matter, my cats don’t go outside. Ever.