The "Return of the King" is NOT About Jesus!

There is stupidity in this world, oh yes indeed.

Pastor Deacon Fred had originally inserted a Baptist mole into the offices of New Line Cinema after the Board of Deacons learned that Hollywood was finally creating a movie based on the Book of Revelation. “While the title sounded convincing, since Jesus is the King of Man, we still feared that the homosexual Jews who run Hollywood might be using their trickery to coax Christians into witnessing blasphemous filth. Most of us remember very clearly our revulsion back in 1972 when we went to the screening of that Larry Flynt fellow’s “The Second Coming.” There are so many great Christian movies coming out lately, like The Gospel of John, and even that damned Mary Worshiper Mel Gibson’s The Passion, we just assumed this was another one,” he announced at a press conference. “Boy, were we ever wrong! Them Jews really pulled a fast one on us with this one. George Bush should make it illegal to use the words, ‘King,’ and ‘Return,’ in the same sentence, unless someone is referring to Jesus Christ. I have to say, it is just out-and-out blasphemy for mortal men to call themselves King. I’m talking about that hillbilly junkie. No, not Rush Limbaugh – Elvis. No one ought to be calling themselves “King” except Jesus. That includes that colored Martin Luther fellow and his damned white-guilt holiday we all have to pretend to celebrate just so those lazy good-for-nothings at the bank can take a day off of cashing vital tithe checks. And especially that anorexic pedophile at Neverland Ranch. But what would you expect from a country that calls that liberal shrew, Barbra Streisand, a saint? I tell you, we even watched about a dozen trailers for this film and we were absolutely convinced it was a movie about Jesus’ glorious return to Earth to torture and slaughter those who never accepted Him as their personal Savior, just as described in the Book of Revelation. The trailers even showed thousands upon thousands of people being slaughtered by soldiers, gruesome creatures, fires and earthquakes, just as described in the Bible. We here at Landover Baptist just felt like we simply had to be the first Christians to see this movie, just as we will be the first, and perhaps only, Christians to see Jesus.”

Oh, relax … it’s a parody site!

But damn funny.