UPS guy please be my hero

What did someone say about the best laid plans of mice & men?

Went to UPS. Ooops. They didn’t have the package. This time of year, unless you call the number and ask it be held, the drivers keep the packages on the truck and make every attempt to get it delivered. Yikes! I went flooring back to my apartment and wrote a note, and taped it to the door. The note read:

UPS: Please for the love of all that is good and holy please please please leave the package at my apartment door or I will have quite the miserable holiday. Thank you!

Then I ran down to Michael’s, and I was successful! Gift card and frame! I tried joking around with the clerk, but I think she was either Christmased-out or just didn’t “get” my humor. That’s okay – few people do, most just think I’m a raging lunatic with homicidal tendencies. That’s not fair – I’m not a lunatic!

I didn’t have enough time to get to Home Depot before I had to be at work, and work was … crazy. Anyone in Baltimore today knows how crazy the rain was, and we got a thunderstorm, too. Unfortunatly I was trying to deliver a pie in a residential neighborhood under construction when the thunder and lighting hit, and all kinds of mud and debris totally dirtied up my car. I swear, I wash the damn thing and Mother Nature is all “rain” and “snow” and “mud”. Bitch.

I was stiffed an unusually large number of times. One woman had the gall to actually say, “It’s the end of the month, I can’t afford a tip.” But she can afford five large pizzas, some subs, mozz sticks, and sodas. Uh-huh. Whore.

Getting out of work, I hightailed it down to Barnes & Noble where I got the gift card! Yay! Then I hightailed it to Home Depot, hoping they were open late. Nada. Hopefully they’re open tomorrow. I’m going to head over to Shawan Liquors and buy the wine bottle with the Oriole’s logo on it. I think it was a wine bottle, I was only there briefly on a delivery, so I’m not sure. Whatever, Dad’ll get a kick out of it.

Arriving at my apartment, finally, I noticed something. The sign for the UPS guy was gone. My heart fluttered — had a cruel neighbor stolen my sign? I ran up the steps, crashed into the window, and grinned. There was a box at the door to my apartment!

Yay! UPS Dude — you fucking ROCK!

I’m very tired, and plan on drinking a tall glass of cold milk, getting the dishwasher started, and then going to bed.

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