The Oven Broke and Gary Tried to Kill All His Employees

I feel like I’ve been neglecting my blog.


The oven at the pizza shop is a “stacked conveyer”, which means it is three ovens stacked atop each other, all functioning by way of a conveyer belt — load food on one end, and it comes out the other fully cooked. Well, in theory.

This oven was bought for the store used when it first opened, not quite twenty years ago. It was, at that point, already obsolete. Gary — who trained as an electrician for a time — has completely cannabilized the bottom oven to repair and maintain the top two. Today it decided to act up — the middle oven doesn’t want to cook pizzas properly, and the top oven wants to burn pizzas. Thankfully, we weren’t slammed and it was easy to manage our pizza/oven flow.

(You could ask, “why not buy a new oven?” but pizza ovens are very expensive i.e. $50k.)

This afternoon found Gary cursing and swearing as he had the side panel of the middle oven open trying to coax it back to life. They say bad things happen in threes, and when you consider the malfunction of the hopper & the ice machine, this very nearly would’ve pushed Gary over the edge. Thankfully, the hopper required a rather inexpensive fix, and Coke supplied a new ice-machine.

So, no suicidal Gary.

Today, anyway.

After work, I met this guy for lunch at Panera, braving the idiocy of the local Hunt Valley drivers. A message for the dumb bitch and the shitbird asshole in the Nissan Pathfinder and the BMW waiting to turn left onto Shawan from York’s left STRAIGHT lane. You two are FUCKING RETARDED and I hope you both die miserable, painful deaths because it is precisely what you fucking deserve for nearly causing traffic accidents and only failing to succeed in that because other drivers around you are actually aware of HOW TO DRIVE. Oh, and yes, please, when YOU almost run other vehicles off the road, you do NOT have the right to fucking honk you pair of ASSMONKEYS!!!!!

Oh, also? Asshole in black pickup parked on York Road right outside of Houston’s Garden Center for no discernable purpose? YORK ROAD IS NOT A PARKING LOT.



I used to, when I was much younger, think it would be cool if my Lego minifigs could come alive, ala “The Indian in the Cupboard.” That way, when I had trouble with bullies or whatever, our Lego people could just duke it out to win the argument — not just Lego men against Lego men, of course, but with Lego tanks and fighter planes, and stuff like that. It would’ve been cool: I used to imagine my school’s playground covered in little medievel Lego men hacking at each other with plastic swords and spears.

Anyway, flash forward to the present, and if I had the option of utilizing living Lego men as my own personal military, I’d hire the guy whose Brickshelf gallery this is to build my Lego Navy Fleet. That’s a gorgeous aircraft carrier — look at the size of that thing! — and it’s like, got 75% more to go!

(Anyway, if I had it now, the person who did this would be like, “Oh shit flying Lego planes shooting Lego bricks at me! Aaaaah! Run!”)