“That’s right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.”

I don’t remember how old I was when The Princess Bride came to theaters, but thanks to Wikipedia, I can figure it out: I was nine, and about six weeks into my tenth year. I remember being in the gym at the Catholic school I attended, at a fair, I think. Every year they’d have a fund raising carnival there: bobbing for apples is the only feature I actually remember, and obviously, you’re not going to fit a Ferris wheel into a 2nd story gym with a height restriction.

So my Dad, carrying my little sister, comes over and asks if I want to go see a movie called The Princess Bride.

Let me walk you through my decision process (don’t worry, it’s quick): Princesses = Yuck. Brides = Yuck.

If it had been The Pirate, The Swordsman, The Giant, and the Five Fingered Man, I might’ve gone to see it. Alas.

So that’s how I missed out on the opportunity to see The Princess Bride in theaters. I don’t recall when I actually did finally see The Princess Bride, but I was still a kid. It is still one of my favorite movies. At one point, I even had the laserdisc. (And I’m kicking myself for not going to see it when it was a midnight movie at E Street a few months ago).

Peter Falk passed away yesterday. In the movie, he played the grandfather of Fred Savage, who was sick in bed and hated kissing scenes. Sadly, none of my dreams of Peter Falk coming and reading The Princess Bride to me (the movie was based based on a book written by William Goldman, who also wrote the film’s script) while I’m sick in bed will ever come true*.

*(That was actually never a dream or remote hope of mine, thanks).

Fun fact: I have a Princess Bride poster hanging on my apartment wall. Also: Star Trek II, Meek’s Cutoff, The Man With The Golden Gun, Snatch, and Big Trouble in Little China.