Inspired by every asshole who uses the term “War of Northern Aggression” to refer to the U.S. Civil War …
Did Fort Sumpter jump up and attack a bunch of innocent Confederate cannon balls flying around, hurting no one? Of course not.
The Civil War is NOT “The War of Northern Aggression.” It’s not this for two reason. ONE, the South started the war. You don’t get to start a war and then claim the other side was aggressive. Well, no shit they were aggressive, you started a war, asshole. But you don’t see people in the North calling it “The War of Southern Aggression and Stupidity,” do you? TWO, going to war with the U.S. is fucking stupid: you will lose.* But do you see the Spanish, or the Mexicans, or the Germans, or the British, or the Japanese, or the Germans and British again, calling their wars with the U.S. “the War of American Aggression?” Of course not. You know why not? BECAUSE WAR IS NEVER FUCKING NOT AGGRESSIVE and really the only party here that has a right to complain is the Spanish since they didn’t ACTUALLY blow up the U.S.S. Maine. Anyway, in summary, please shut the fuck up with this stupid “War of Northern Aggression” shit. If you didn’t want an aggressive war, maybe you shouldn’t have started one.
(Oh: and the “stupid” comes from an agrarian society picking a fight with an industrialized one. Yeah, what a wonderful idea.)
Here’s what bothers me about the term “War of Northern Aggression:” it prevents a false reality in which the South was a blameless victim, and where life was some sort of paradise for people, provided they were white; what is glossed over is the horrible crimes committed by a plutocracy that victimized people of African descent who were held as slaves: captive, powerless, used as sex toys or murdered, worked to death, separated against their will from their native lands and their families. The South, today, is for the most part a lovely place; but the South leading up the Civil War was EVIL. And I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to buy this “but back then, everyone thought slavery was a-okay” argument. No, not everyone thought slavery was a-ok. That’s a stupid argument used as a blinder by people in modern society to approve of gross crimes against humanity committed by our forebearers. Go look up abolitionists, and John Brown in particular (American terrorist? American hero? Maybe both, but mostly the latter). Americans knew what was right, and what was wrong, even back then. What’s most disgusting is the people today who continue to romanticize a frankly evil society even without the blinders of yesteryear. The South was NOT Gone with the Wind, and while you’re welcome to disagree with me, frankly, I don’t give a damn. You’re still wrong.
*There are exceptions: namely, War in Vietnam, and War on: drugs, homeless, poverty, etc.